


Sanctuary

by Caramelquokka0325



Series: Home [3]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Attachment Disorder, Brotherhood, Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Foster Family, Healing, Home, Multi, Relearning Behaviors, Slow Build, Stress, Unhealthy Habits, food insecurity, jeongin is Baby, soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-30
Updated: 2020-09-22
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:08:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 42,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26198347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caramelquokka0325/pseuds/Caramelquokka0325
Summary: “Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” - Lao TzuIt takes great courage to take a heart into your hands and heal wounds you didn’t cause. It takes great courage to hold a hand that’s pulling in the opposite direction of you.In Changbin’s eyes, Jeongin was so fragile. Small and precious. He would do everything in his power to keep him safe, even when it felt like the opposite of what his heart was telling him.Chan had never felt the struggle of being so lost as a protector and caregiver. It felt as if the universe was spinning in an orbit, pulling Felix further from him. But that one touch, one word, one look brought him right back into Felix’s atmosphere.“Flowers too have a process, not a moment in bloom. That’s more beautiful.” -Mixtape #3
Series: Home [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1837153
Comments: 116
Kudos: 147





	1. Changbin

**Author's Note:**

> We are back with our lovely families! This time we continue our story with 4 POV’s since it helps the flow be more coherent! I have so much fun creating this story and universe! Thank you for your wonderful comments! They really keep me motivated! I focused on some medical issues with this one cuz I have been learning a lot of medical things hehe and wanted to apply it! Of course this is probably very inaccurate but I gave it a shot for fun lol!  
> All that being said, I am so excited to post this one! To be safe, I put trigger warnings again for medical issues and an eating disorder, if it counts as that… I hope you all enjoy!  
> TW: Miscarriage (Very brief mention), Food Insecurity, Unhealthy Eating Habits

When Changbin woke up, the space in the bed next to him was empty. He stretched his hand out and felt the sheets were cold. It made his heart sink.

He found Misun on the small balcony their hotel room had. She was staring out into the morning, a familiar blank look in her eyes. Changbin was slow and gentle as he crouched in front of her and placed his hands on her waist.

“I want you to sleep.” Changbin said in a soft tone. “Just a little bit before we have to go back home.”

“I’m fine.” she responded mechanically.

Changbin dropped his head, thinking how he could approach her. There wasn’t really anything he could say or do to make it better.

“Please come with me sweetheart.” he reached up to touch her cheek. “You need rest.”

“I don’t think I can ever sleep again.” she looked down at him finally. Her eyes were already glossy with tears, though Changbin wasn’t sure if she had stopped crying for real in the time they had been there.

Changbin didn’t argue with her. He knew her heart was fragile at the moment.

“Then just lay with me?” he tried. “Just be with me.”

“How can you want to be with me?” Misun whispered. “I’m useless.”

“Don’t say that.” Changbin lifted her hand from her lap and pressed gentle kisses along it. “I love you more than anything. I love you so much.”

“You wanted a baby as much as I did.” her voice trembled. “I know you’re disappointed in me.”

“I’m not disappointed in you.” Changbin shook his head. “I’m sad for you…”

“How can you not-?” she pulled her hand away from his grasp.

Changbin rested his forehead on her knee. They were both struggling.

Misun had miscarried for the third time a week prior. After they went to the doctor and got the news that she wouldn’t be able to have kids, Changbin took her on a trip. Just to get out of the house and give her time away from everything.

“What are we going to do?” Misun whispered, her hand gently resting on Changbin’s head.

“We’re going to go one day at a time.” he whispered. “That’s all we can do.”

They had both really wanted their own baby. Life had different plans for them though.

“I’m so tired.” Misun admitted. It wasn’t just a physical exhaustion.

Changbin stood and drew her up with him. He put his arm around her gently. They were both fragile but they had each other to lean on.

Coming home was good. They had needed the time, but Misun wanted to get back to see the kids they did have. Changbin missed them as well.

“They’re home!” Jisung called upstairs as soon as they walked in the door.

“I missed you!” Misun gave Jisung a big hug. 

Changbin got a hug next. He pressed his face against Jisung’s hair. He was growing so fast he thought absentmindedly.

It was nice to be home. Changbin inhaled Hyunjin’s familiar apple smell and his soul felt a little more at peace. 

“Hey… it’s late.” Misun rubbed his shoulder as he worked late one night a week after they had returned from their small trip.

“I’ll be up in a minute. I’m just processing this one case.” Changbin sighed.

“What’s this one?” Misun sat next to him and looped her arm around his waist.

“This kiddo is open for adoption since the court date last week. Parents lost custody but…” Changbin bit his lip.

“The foster parents don’t want to adopt?” Misun filled in the blank.

“Unfortunately no…” Changbin showed Misun the photo of the little boy.

“He’s just a baby.” Misun frowned and touched the photo softly. “Poor thing.”

“There’s never enough homes.” Changbin set the case aside. 

“Mm…” Misun hummed.

“I’ll be up in five is that okay?” he asked.

“Yep. Don’t be too long.” Misun kissed his temple before standing and heading upstairs. Changbin smiled at her as she left.

That night was the night they started thinking about opening their home to another kid. Misun struggled to decide. Changbin was patient since he knew it was hard to process. She was still working through the fact that she couldn’t have children herself.

With Hyunjin heading off to college soon and Jisung following shortly after, they would have an empty nest within a few years. They were still so young and Misun wanted to have a kid so badly.

Changbin knew what kids needed homes due to his work. He brought them up to Misun, testing out if she was interested. All of the kids were too old. Until Changbin showed her one profile of a little boy who was four years old.

Changbin expected her to decline and look for younger but she stared at his photo for a long time. It just clicked for her. For Changbin, there was no difference from the other kids he had looked through but Misun seemed sure.

“Yes.” she nodded.

“Huh?” Changbin raised his head.

“Yes. I want to adopt this child.” she said firmly.

Changbin stared at her for a moment in surprise.

“He’s the one.” Misun smiled wider and brighter than he had seen in weeks and she hugged him tightly.

It seemed simple but processes were always hard. They had to go through a lot of formalities before they could invite the newest addition of their family in.

Finally, he was officially theirs and they got to bring him home.

Changbin absolutely adored Jeongin. In many ways, he was a parent’s dream child. He slept well, wasn’t usually temperamental, and loved being around Changbin, Misun or the boys. But there was so much more lying under the surface that Changbin realized would be hard to manage. Within the first week, Misun and Changbin went through a roller coaster of struggles and triumphs that left them exhausted.

The first episode occurred when they ate dinner for the first time as a family. Jeongin seemed happy and Changbin believed things were going well. He sat in between Misun and Jisung, giggling along at whatever Jisung was doing. He was content.

Meal time went smoothly as well. Changbin didn’t notice anything off about Jeongin, though he would recognize worrying signs later on. It was as soon as dinner ended that chaos broke loose.

“Hyunjin, will you help clear the plates?” Changbin asked, standing to clean up.

“Yep.” Hyunjin reached for Jeongin’s plate and he abruptly grabbed it tightly in both hands, pulling it away from Hyunjin’s grasp.

“Can I have your plate?” Hyunjin held his hand out, a smile evident on his face.

Jeongin started crying.

For a moment everyone was a bit shocked. Jeongin held his plate against his chest, not caring if it was dirty. Tears streamed down his face and he clutched the plate tighter against his body.

“What’s wrong Jeongin?” Misun asked gently, reaching for him.

He shook his head firmly and sniffled, drawing away from her.

“Can we talk about it?” Misun tilted her head and smiled. 

Jeongin pouted out his bottom lip unconsciously and nodded.

“Why don’t you set down your plate and we can talk about it.” Misun tried to get him in a place where they could talk about the problem.

“No!” Jeongin said with conviction. “Don’t take my plate!”

Changbin frowned internally, not wanting to display negative emotion externally. It was an odd item to pick a battle over.

“Hey bud.” Changbin sat down next to him. “What’s up?”

He sat for a minute, letting Jeongin calm down a little.

“Can I keep my plate?” Jeongin asked, his eyes looking at Changbin so sorrowfully he was surprised by the intense emotion.

“Why do you want to keep it?” Changbin asked.

“I want to eat food in the morning.” Jeongin answered.

“You can eat in the morning.” Changbin assured him. “You don’t have to keep your plate. You can get a new one.”

Jeongin looked at him warily. It was like he couldn’t believe he would be fed again without his plate to act like a ticket or something. It bothered Changbin. It wasn’t normal for a kid to have such a strong reaction, if worry at all.

“Really?” Jeongin whispered.

“Here.” Changbin stood and extended his hand to Jeongin. “I’ll show you.”

Jeongin hesitantly slipped his hand into Changbin’s while holding his plate to his chest with his other arm. Changbin led him into the kitchen and showed him where they kept their stacks of plates.

“Tomorrow we will get a new one from here.” Changbin tapped the stack. “I promise.”

He knew it wasn’t really about the plates. It was about the food. To Changbin it didn’t make sense, but many things hadn’t made sense as he navigated life with his other boys. He had to slowly get to the heart of the issue while working through problems one day at a time.

“If you give me your plate, we’ll wash it.” Changbin prompted gently.

Jeongin still wavered. He looked so close to obeying, Changbin thought of how to help him out.

“How about I tell you what we’re having for breakfast.” Changbin crouched down to his level again. “Tomorrow we are having waffles, and fruit, and maybe even syrup.”

Changbin made an excited face and Jeongin seemed to relax marginally.

“I’ll pinky promise you we’ll eat waffles together in the morning.” Changbin extended his pinky.

Jeongin reached out and linked his pinky. He handed Changbin his plate and smiled a little.

He passed Jeongin off to Misun to get ready for bed. He leaned against the counter and crossed his arms, thinking.

“What was that about?” Jisung asked, carrying in the other dishes. Hyunjin poked his head in to hear as well.

“I don’t know honestly.” Changbin sighed. “It wasn’t… expected.”

Misun had a little more insight into what happened based off of her experience working with kids from many backgrounds. Though she didn’t know everything, she could think back to what she had heard before.

“It seems like he has experienced food insecurity.” she said once the kids were in bed. They sat on the couch together.

“What’s that?” Changbin had never heard of it before.

“It’s were a household or family doesn’t have access to food or enough of it compared to what is needed.” Misun explained. “It could be that Jeongin’s family wasn’t able to provide him with food that was substantial or even nutritious.”

“That explains why he’s so small.” Changbin nodded. Jeongin was small for his age. He was a little smaller than average height wise and weight wise. Changbin had just assumed he was petite but he hadn’t considered there being a reason for being little.

“Him being afraid of not being able to eat again is worrying.” Misun ran her hand through her hair. “I’ve heard of kids struggling in this way and the solution isn’t as easy as just feeding them more.”

“What should we do?” Changbin asked.

“I’ll do some research on it and ask some of my colleagues to see if they know anything.” Misun replied. “For now I think we have to be really sensitive towards his eating needs. Let’s make sure he knows we will always have food available.”

“Okay.” Changbin nodded. “I’ll ask Chan and Ara if he knows anything about it too.”

The next day was incredibly hard. Changbin thought Jeongin would be content with eating breakfast and waiting for the next meal, but he seemed obsessed with food. After they had gone through every cupboard and drawer as well as the refrigerator, Jeongin was asking to eat again. Changbin gave him a snack but it seemed Jeongin still wasn’t satisfied.

Luckily, he was distracted by playing with Daisy and Jisung for a little bit. Changbin didn’t know if Jeongin would stop worrying about food after a few days or if it was a longer issue. It seemed like things were going well. Jeongin warmed up to them quickly and was enjoying himself besides the whole food concern.

“Can I have a snack?” Jeongin tugged on the bottom of Changbin’s shirt to get his attention.

Changbin picked Jeongin up and lightly touched his tummy. It still felt tight and full from eating recently. Could Jeongin not tell when he was full? Or was he purposefully not paying attention to his body’s cues.

He kept looking at Changbin hopefully as he stalled in answering. If Changbin said no then it would break down the trust he was trying to build.

“I have a special snack for you.” Changbin held him against his side as he opened the freezer. He pulled out a strawberry popsicle. He thought since it was mostly liquid, it wouldn’t make Jeongin anymore overfull. 

He set Jeongin down to unwrap it. Jeongin held his small hand out, waiting expectantly and his expression melted Changbin’s heart. He was still so little. A baby really. Changbin didn’t want to hurt him. He only wanted to do what was best for him but the physical and mental kept colliding.

“Thank you.” Jeongin said politely when Changbin handed it to him. He held it in both hands, looking at it intently as he turned to walk out of the kitchen. Changbin gently put his hand on the side of his head to keep him from bumping into the counter as he headed outside where Jisung was.

It was obvious that Jeongin absolutely adored Jisung. He followed the older boy around with wide eyes and tried to mimic what Jisung did. Jisung was fun and playful and he knew how to be gentle with Jeongin even when they played.

“I said one, two three, four!” Jeongin counted on his fingers and then leaned against Jisung’s leg on the front steps, staring up at him and giggling.

“What are you talking about?” Changbin asked, sitting next to Jisung and petting Daisy.

“Not really sure.” Jisung smiled.

Jisung was patient when Jeongin dripped popsicle juice down his leg on accident. Jeongin seemed genuinely happy there with them. It made Changbin feel at peace and like they had made the right decision.

“What’s your favorite animal?” Jisung asked Jeongin.

“Mm…” Jeongin considered while sucking on his dwindling frozen treat.

“This one!” he pointed at Daisy who licked his sticky finger and made him giggle. 

Jisung laughed and looked at Changbin with a smile. He thought Jeongin was hilarious.

“Oops!” the last bit of Jeongin’s popsicle slipped off of the stick and dropped onto the step. He crouched down to pick it up, looking at it for a second before moving it to his mouth.

“Hey-.” Changbin tried to reach over and intercept but Jisung was faster. He plucked the bit of ice from his hand and tossed it onto the grass.

Jeongin looked surprised, standing there with strawberry juice on his chin and hands.

“If it falls on the ground it’s for Daisy.” Jisung said as the dog sniffed around the grass trying to find the melting bit of strawberry ice.

“Sharing?” Jeongin asked.

“Yep! Sharing!” Jisung nodded and distracted him by tickling him gently.

Changbin mouthed a silent thank you to Jisung. 

“Remember when I did that?” Jisung asked, his eyes twinkling.

Changbin nodded and put his arm around him. Jisung had come a long way since then and Jeongin would to. He was sure of it.

Distraction ended up being Changbin’s greatest tool while dealing with Jeongin’s habit of returning back to food. If Changbin could keep him from going back to his default then he didn’t have to feel he was giving Jeongin too much in just one day.

At dinner, Jisung’s “sharing” idea backfired slightly. Jeongin happily dropped pieces of his own food onto the floor for Daisy to snatch up.

“Jeongin.” Changbin said while suppressing a laugh at Daisy sitting next to his chair waiting for the next gift. “Daisy has her own food to eat. If she eats our food too much then she won’t be hungry for her own healthy food.”

Jeongin seemed to understand and he stopped giving Daisy their human food.

The next few days were hard. Changbin had to say no to Jeongin a few times and it broke his heart when Jeongin would cry about it. 

Jeongin had just turned four so they decided not to put him into preschool yet. But it was hard to have him at home. Luckily, Changbin had been promoted a few months ago and ninety percent of his work was at home. His schedule matched up well with Misun so it wasn’t a problem in that sense. But it was sometimes hard to entertain Jeongin all day while the other boys were at school.

It was really heartwarming to see Jeongin run to the car and try to buckle himself into his carseat when Changbin went to pick the boys up from school. He would press his hands up against the window and start squealing in happiness to alert Changbin when he spotted one of the boys. Jisung was still his favorite. 

Jeongin’s favorite thing to do was give kisses. Something far too precious for Changbin to handle. When Jisung got in the car, Jeongin would wrap his arms around his neck and give him kisses in between happy giggles. Hyunjin got kisses too. He would sneak around the side of the car and pop his face up in the window to surprise Jeongin.

Changbin was really glad the boys loved Jeongin so much. He had worried a little that the age gap would be hard to adjust to, but that was definitely not the case. All three of them were helpful in their own way and loved spending time with Jeongin.

Changbin and Misun wanted to do the very best thing for Jeongin. After extensive research, consulting and learning from other people, they sat down and laid out a plan. 

Every day they would have three set meals, two of which they would eat together as a family. Breakfast was Changbin’s responsibility and dinner was Misun’s. The boys got lunch at school but Changbin would make lunch for him and Jeongin at home on the weekdays.

Besides those three meals, Jeongin would get snack times laid out at very specific times as well so he knew when he would be fed. The goal was to stick to the schedule at first and then slowly cut away the additional snack times until he was one a regular schedule again. 

It was harder than it sounded in theory. Keeping specifically healthy and balanced meals required time and effort. Misun and Changbin took Jeongin to the pediatrician and got more guidance on how to ensure Jeongin was a healthy weight and height for his age range. Changbin soon had the pantry stocked with all kinds of healthy snacks and nutrient rich foods as well as protein supplements and gummy vitamins.

Changbin’s wallet was hurting a little at the end of the week, but he felt they had a strong base to start with.

“You’re a stay at home dad now.” Misun smiled as he brought in the last of their extensive grocery list on the weekend.

“You’re right.” he grinned. “It’s a lot harder than I thought.”

“It’s so sexy.” Misun reached up to kiss him with a teasing smile before grabbing a bag from his hand.

“Oh Jeongin, look what I got!” Changbin pulled out a big pack of markers he had picked up as well. He crouched down when Jeongin came to see what he had.

“I bought these for you to help me color your schedule.” Changbin explained.

“My schedule?” Jeongin tilted his head and took the markers in his hand.

“Here.” Changbin grabbed the schedule he had printed out off of the table. “Here is the time on the clock and this is what you get to eat. You have breakfast, lunch, dinner and lots of snacks!”

Jeongin looked at it all curiously.

“At this time I get to have snack?” he asked, pointing to the time on the paper.

“Yep! Every day you can look at this schedule and it will help you know when we get to eat, okay?”

Jeongin nodded that he understood.

“I can color it with these?” he asked, holding up his markers.

“Sure thing.” Changbin nodded.

“Look at my markers!” Jeongin held up his new art supplies as Jisung came in the kitchen. Changbin stood and exchanged a look with Misun. Introducing the system had gone well.

Later, Changbin came into the living room to find Jeongin and Hyunjin sitting at the coffee table, coloring his sheet.

“I like my room.” Jeongin was saying. He wasn’t as talkative or energetic as Seungmin for example, but he liked to talk when he was playing with someone.

“My bed is blue. Blue is my favorite color.” Hyunjin nodded along as Jeongin explained.

They had a guest bedroom that had functioned as Changbin’s study previously, but it had been cleared out to be Jisung’s room. Jeongin ended up taking it over and Jisung and Hyunjin returned to being roommates. Changbin had moved his study to be part of the laundry room which was actually quite large. He put up a screen and had his own space which he didn’t mind working in.

“I get to stay here forever, right?” Jeongin asked Hyunjin innocently.

“Yeah. You get to stay forever.” Hyunjin glanced up to smile at Changbin.

The next day, the schedule worked masterfully. Jeongin kept checking the clock to see what time it was, but it seemed to be more out of excitement than worry.

The day after, it fell apart a little bit. A little over a week had passed since Jeongin first arrived and he had fallen into the rhythm of the house. But the timing of the schedule started to not sit well with him.

“Please can I have a snack?” Jeongin asked Changbin as he sat at the table working on his laptop. Jeongin was playing with his toys on the carpet but had come over to talk to him.

“What time does the schedule say?” Changbin asked.

Jeongin leaned on him a little and didn’t answer, indicating he knew it wasn’t time yet.

“We have to wait one more hour.” Changbin showed him his watch but Jeongin hid his face against Changbin’s thigh. “You can do it bud.”

Jeongin asked again and when Changbin said no he began to cry. Sometimes Jeongin cried because he was sad or afraid, but sometimes he cried when he didn’t get what he wanted. Changbin was still learning to tell the two apart but he hoped this cry was because Jeongin wasn’t having his way.

Changbin rubbed his back for a little bit and then Jeongin moved to the kitchen. He was just a little too short to reach the handle of the refrigerator but he tried his best, stretching on his toes and reaching his hands up. He gave up after a few tries and sat on the ground, tears still streaming down his face.

Changbin struggled through the next hour. It took everything in him not to give in and break their schedule. Jeongin already had him wrapped around his finger. When he got him a snack finally, Changbin felt guilty. 

Jeongin wiped his tears with his hands and still said thank you when Changbin handed him animal crackers. Changbin crouched down and softly kissed Jeongin’s forehead. It was the first time he had kissed Jeongin since he had come to live with them. He wanted to let the little boy know how much he loved him and was looking out for him even if things were hard.

It was hard to look at his tearstained face and not feel overwhelmingly emotional. At least, for Changbin it was. 

Jeongin held onto his package of crackers as Changbin buckled him into his carseat to pick up the boys. He wasn’t crying anymore but he seemed like he wore himself out so he was quieter. It really hurt Changbin’s heart.

Later that night, Jeongin came outside on the porch to tell Changbin goodnight. Changbin pulled him onto his lap and less than five minutes later, Jeongin was asleep. He lay against Changbin on his tummy like a koala and Changbin could feel him breathing softly. His soft hair brushed Changbin’s chin lightly.

Changbin had no experience with a kid this little. The youngest he had with his sons was Jisung when he was eleven. Jeongin was only four. A small four-year-old at that. He was so much more vulnerable and needy than Changbin had thought. It stirred a deep protectiveness inside him that made him want to hold Jeongin close and shield him from the scary parts of life. He felt it for his older boys too but on a smaller scale.

Misun came out to see where Jeongin had gone.

“There you two are.” she smiled and drew closer. Changbin blinked up at her, words caught in his throat.

“Are you crying?” Misun whispered worriedly, noting Jeongin was asleep.

The tears slipping down Changbin’s face answered her question.

“What’s wrong?” she reached down and brushed his tears away with his fingers.

“He’s just so little.” Changbin answered, his voice wavering with emotion. “He’s so fragile I feel like I could hurt him.”

“Oh baby…” Misun made a compassionate expression and brushed her hand over his cheek.

“I made him cry today. Again.” Changbin sniffled. “He forgave me so easily but… I can’t forgive myself.”

“You’re doing what’s best for him.” Misun reminded him. “It’s going to be hard for a little while but it will get better.”

“I just… feel like I don’t know what to do so often.” Changbin admitted. “He’s so sweet and innocent and I feel like I’m crushing his soul when I tell him to wait for lunch.”

“I know it’s hard.” Misun whispered. “But you’re doing such a good job. I mean look at him. He trusts you so much.”

Changbin gently rubbed his hand up and down Jeongin’s back.

“I love him so much.” he said softly, pressing a kiss to the top of his head.

“You’re the best dad for him.” Misun leaned down and kissed him gently. “I’m sorry I leave you here to deal with so much.”

“No. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.” Changbin shook his head.

“I love you.” Misun kissed him again, Jeongin sleeping between them.

“Is this okay?” Changbin asked. “Is it like having your own baby?”

“It’s better.” Misun smiled.

Changbin was glad Misun wasn’t so heartbroken about having their own child with Jeongin around. She was an exceptional mother. She complimented Changbin’s parenting style in every way. He had known that from the start though.

Changbin thought their household worked beautifully. Misun’s parents wanted to come see Jeongin for the first time and Changbin was honestly a little nervous. He knew that her parents had lukewarm affection for him.

They wanted to meet Jeongin the first day he joined their family but Misun had convinced them to hold off for the first week. They weren’t able to come down the second week so they visited on the weekend.

“I can tell you’re overthinking everything.” Misun massaged Changbin’s shoulders when he sat down for the first time all day. He had gone around trying to clean up Jeongin’s messes but as soon as he cleaned one play area, another had been made.

“Trying not to.” Changbin laughed.

“They just want to see Jeongin, not judge the state of the house.” Misun assured him.

“Your mom will definitely peek in every room of the house.” Changbin corrected her.

“I know, that’s why I had the older boys clean their rooms.” she laughed. “We should only have dinner and then go on a walk. That won’t be too much to worry about.”

Changbin nodded. She was right. He was overthinking everything.

He greeted Misun’s parents warmly when they arrived, letting Misun introduce them to Jeongin. He was shy at first, hugging Misun’s leg with one arm. After a few minutes he had warmed up and was showing her dad the scrape he had gotten on his elbow from racing with Changbin. 

They had dinner, sticking to Jeongin’s schedule without fail. Misun hadn’t told her parents much about Jeongin’s background. They agreed general knowledge was good enough in the moment.

They went on a walk around the neighborhood a few hours after dinner as the sun was going down, bringing Daisy along with them. Jeongin was precious, wanting to hold her leash. Jisung let him, knowing Daisy wouldn’t run off.

Halfway into the walk, Jeongin handed her leash back to Jisung and grabbed Changbin’s hand. Changbin held his hand but Jeongin wiggled out of his grasp and turned his wrist so he could read Changbin’s watch. It was digital so Jeongin could read the time easily.

“Can I have a snack?” he asked.

Changbin looked at Misun and smiled sheepishly.

“I thought he wanted to hold my hand.” he laughed lightly.

He fished a trail mix pack out of his pocket. They were Jeongin’s favorite. Sometimes Changbin thought he looked forward to snack time just to get a treat.

“Do you want me to open it for you?” Changbin asked.

“I can do it!” Jeongin took it happily and tried to tear it open himself. He struggled for a moment and then the packet burst open. He looked shocked at the way they burst out of the package.

The nuts and berries were hopelessly scattered on the concrete.

Jeongin reached down to pick them up and then hesitated and then looked at Changbin with a torn expression.

“I don’t want to share with Daisy.” he said. Jisung held Daisy away from the spilled snack. “It was an accident.”

“That’s okay.” Changbin smiled.

“Can I have another one?” Jeongin held his hand out. “Please?”

“I don’t have any more on me…” Changbin made a mental note to bring backup next time.

“Oh baby, don’t cry.” Changbin could tell Jeongin was on the verge of tears as he crouched in front of him by the way his bottom lip wobbled and his eyes got glassy.

“I’m going to make a promise with you.” Changbin held up his pinky like he had done the first night. “When we get home, you can pick a new snack, okay?”

Jeongin nodded and linked his pinky with Changbin. He stepped forward into Changbin’s arms and wrapped his arms around Changbin’s neck, asking to be held.

Changbin lifted him up, holding him comfortably against his chest. Jeongin lay his head on Changbin’s shoulder, his arm hanging against Changbin’s. Jisung stepped forward and slipped his finger into Jeongin’s hand for comfort. Jeongin curled his fingers to hold Jisung’s finger. 

They kept walking like that, Misun and her parents walking behind.

“He’s a very good father.” he heard Misun’s mother say quietly behind him.

He still caught the soft words and smiled to himself. It made him feel a little better.

“He is.” Misun responded. “He couldn’t be any more perfect.”

Changbin hugged Jeongin a little more securely. He wasn’t perfect by a long shot, but hearing Misun say it made him feel warm inside.

That night he slipped into bed next to Misun after turning off the lights downstairs and making sure the hall nightlight was on. For Jeongin.

“You were saying some nice things about me today.” he slid under the blankets and leaned over to kiss her cheek.

“I say nice things about you all the time.” she laughed.

“Just felt especially good today.” Changbin replied, kissing slowly down her chin to her neck. “You really think I’m a good dad?”

“Is that even a question?” she laughed, pulling him closer.

“Yes.” Changbin leaned back to look at her, his face sincere.

“Mm… you’re the very best.” Misun giggled into a kiss.

“Only because of you.” Changbin pressed his forehead against hers, shifting until he was caging her in with his arms.

“Is the door locked?” she asked.

“Why?” Changbin nudged her chin up with his nose to kiss her collarbone.

“Just thinking if Jeongin tries to come in.” she sighed.

“Maybe I should prop it open.” Changbin murmured.

“Go lock the door.” She rolled her eyes but slid her hands from his stomach to his chest under his shirt.

Changbin smirked and went to lock the door.


	2. Hyunjin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! Hope you all are doing well! In this chapter there are descriptions of seizures if that makes anyone uncomfortable! Please be mindful of your mental health! The seizures in this chapter are a mix of my experience getting similar symptoms from my migraines, and my friend’s experience with her epilepsy. Please keep in mind that everyone experiences differently and everyone handles them differently!
> 
> TW: Seizures

Chapter 2: Hyunjin

Every day fell into a comfortable rhythm. The morning was dedicated to getting out of bed and hustled to school. The afternoons were for homework and relaxing. Dinners spent together, and then it repeated. Weekends were free time and a different adventure every day. Overall, Hyunjin loved the routine.

He had been adopted for a significant amount of time now and he felt he could really call Changbin, Misun, Jeongin and Jisung his family.

Changbin being able to work from home was a big bonus because he could join them in lots of their activities. He had begun the habit of setting aside at least two or three hours specifically for them on the weekends. Hyunjin was in heaven.

Minho had gotten his license which meant he could drive Hyunjin and Jisung around. He was saving up for his own car but used Chan’s at the moment. Hyunjin still preferred walking to the park or the corner store, but it was also fun to drive with Minho and Jisung. They always blasted music and made it a party. Jisung thought he was endlessly cool and whined constantly about when he could get his own license. Hyunjin was sure Changbin was a little overwhelmed with having three boys wanting to drive.

Hyunjin secretly was dying to get his license. Jisung was not so secretly obsessed with driving as well. He drove Changbin and Misun crazy begging him to teach him how to drive every day.

But the biggest change of all was Hyunjin’s new little brother. Jeongin had been with them for around two weeks now and Hyunjin loved him. He was cute and sweet and made their home so much brighter. Hyunjin didn’t mind clearing crayons off of the table before dinner or having to push aside plushies on the couch. Jeongin’s presence was very much appreciated.

Life was moving forward steadily and Hyunjin was happy to ride the current.

“Where’s my other black flip flop?” Jisung yelled from upstairs.

“It’s in the-!” Changbin started to yell back but stopped. “Car…” 

Hyunjin smiled at him from where he was eating breakfast at the table.

“I don’t understand how everything gets misplaced in this house.” Changbin shook his head with a smile.

Jisung came downstairs brandishing a tube of sunscreen.

“Your flip flop is in the car.” Changbin told him. “I found it under my seat the other day.”

“Oh I’m looking for my hat now.” Jisung slipped past him to look on the hooks holding a variety of hats, scarves and sunglasses in the entryway.

Hyunjin washed his bowl out in the sink and set it on the rack to dry. He was already ready to go. Minho was picking them up to go swimming at the pool in Chan’s community residence. It wasn’t summer for another week or two but it was hot enough to go swimming.

“Hyunjin, I put you in charge of making sure he has sunscreen on.” Changbin shook his finger at Jisung. “Last week you came home looking like a tomato.”

“And now I’m nice and tan so that won’t happen!” Jisung replied.

The sound of a horn honking outside interrupted Changbin’s instruction. 

“I’m not ready!” Jisung gasped, racing up the stairs.

Hyunjin laughed and waited for him by the door with his stuff tucked under his arm. Jeongin came over to say goodbye.

“Can I have a kiss?” Hyunjin asked, bending down and tapping his cheek.

Jeongin raised on his tiptoes and pressed a kiss to his cheek, half headbutting him instead.

Finally they made it out the door and into the warm summer day.

“Just don’t you dare get sunscreen on the seats.” Minho warned them as they piled into the car. He was blunt and sometimes his sarcasm stung, but Hyunjin knew he was soft deep down. He still had rough edges but living with Chan had given him an atmosphere where he could be himself while still having good boundaries.

“Is Chan going to join us?” Jisung asked.

“A bit later.” Minho replied. “We’ll be at the pool all day and then he’ll pick us up for barbecue later.”

“Yes!” Jisung pumped his fist excitedly.

“Have you applied to college yet?” Jisung leaned his elbow out the open window.

“Not yet…” Minho sighed. “I got accepted to a few but I don’t even know what I want.”

“Pick somewhere close because we have to go to school together.” Jisung warned him.

When they got to the pool Hyunjin was happy to find there was a shaded area to put their things. After settling in and applying sunscreen they headed straight to the pool. It was nice to be in the cool water on such a warm day. 

They played for literally hours, only interrupted when Hyunjin made Jisung reapply sunscreen after noticing his shoulders were turning pink, and for lunch. It was so fun but by the time Chan got there Hyunjin was exhausted. He sat with Chan, wrapped in a towel, while the others kept playing.

Hyunjin loved days where he had so much fun, he felt fuzzy and warm at the end. A good kind of tired from a full day.

When they got to Chan’s house for dinner Hyunjin expected to feel the warm exhaustion that numbed his mind in a good way. Instead he was struggling to be focused and he could feel himself zoning out at moments. It made him feel frustrated that he couldn’t focus as he helped Chan prepare dinner.

“You okay there Hyunjin?” Chan asked. “You were spacing out.”

“I’m fine.” Hyunjin replied though he had an odd feeling he couldn’t describe. 

“Do you want to sit down for a bit?” Chan asked. “You have time for a short nap before dinner.” 

“I don’t want to be alone.” Hyunjin blurted out. He wasn’t really sure where the sudden need for company came from but he just didn’t want to be alone.

Chan blinked at him in surprise but didn’t comment on it. Hyunjin felt weird, his brain hazy. When Chan talked to him, he felt confused.

“Hyunjin.”

He tried to make himself focus. He tried to force his mind to follow instructions.

“Hyunjin.” Chan was standing in front of him, his hands holding Hyunjin’s arms.

“What?” Hyunjin asked.

“I think you’re tired out from the pool.” Chan smiled. “Let’s go sit down for a bit.”

As Chan started leading him towards the couch Hyunjin felt like he was slipping into a hazy state of mind that suddenly felt like an immense pull. His fingers grasped Chan’s sleeve just before his entire mind went blank.

He woke up on the floor and his whole body ached. He blinked slowly, his hands unclenching from fists he didn’t remember making. Chan’s face was the first he saw, leaning over him worriedly.

“Just relax.” Was the first thing Chan said. “Take some deep breaths.”

Hyunjin felt awful, his muscles feeling tight and strained. He could see Minho and Jisung standing slightly off to the side, looking worried.

“Can you hear me Hyunjin?” Chan asked, his hand very lightly touching Hyunjin’s shoulder. Hyunjin nodded slowly. He suddenly felt anxious, not knowing what was going on.

“You just had a seizure.” Chan talked him through it slowly. “You’re okay. It’s over.”

Hyunjin stared at him, fear apparent in his eyes though his body didn’t have much capacity for anything else.

“Just stay still and rest.” Chan tried to soothe him. “You’re safe. I’m right here.”

Jisung entered Hyunjin’s line of vision, crouching next to him on the carpet.

“You’re okay.” he told Hyunjin bravely, taking his hand in his own. 

Hyunjin felt his heart race as he tried to process what just happened. He had felt himself slipping into the seizure just before it happened. It was a foreign and terrifying experience. 

“Changbin?” He whispered, wanting him to be there to comfort him.

“Minho, call Changbin.” Chan directed over his shoulder. “He’ll be here don’t worry.”

Hyunjin struggled not to cry, staring up at the ceiling weakly. He held Jisung’s hand for emotional support more than anything. Ara appeared and slid a pillow under his head gently.

“He wants to talk to you.” Minho handed the phone to Chan.

“He’s fine now.” Chan stayed by Hyunjin’s side as he talked to Changbin. “It lasted about a minute. He regained awareness pretty fast but he seems shaken.”

He rubbed his thumb over Hyunjin’s shoulder in comfort.

“I didn’t want to take him straight to the hospital since I’m not familiar with his medical history.” Chan continued. “You can determine once you get here.”

Hyunjin tried to ask for water, feeling terribly thirsty but Jisung frowned and glanced at Chan for help.

“What was that?” Chan leaned closer, setting his phone aside.

He struggled to be able to express what he wanted to say. He knew he wasn’t making sense but he didn’t know how to say what he needed clearly. It made him feel frustrated and more anxious. Tears began to blur his vision and Chan was quick to try to calm him.

“It’s okay!” He comforted. “Take your time. Just go slow for a bit.”

“W-water.” Hyunjin finally managed to say.

Ara hurried to get him water and Chan helped him sit up slightly to drink it. Hyunjin wanted to sit up fully but Chan advised against it when he sat up slightly and felt dizzy.

“I-Is he going to be okay?” Jisung asked. He looked horrified. The experience had been traumatic for all of them.

“He’s going to be just fine.” Chan smiled up at him. Jisung adjusted so he was sitting comfortably next to Hyunjin, never letting go of his hand.

“I’m here.” Hyunjin heard Changbin’s voice and his anxiety calmed marginally as Changbin dropped down beside him on the carpet. 

“Hey sweetheart.” His voice was gentle and tinged with worry as he brushed his hand over Hyunjin’s forehead. “How are you feeling?”

“He’s having some trouble communicating.” Chan filled him in and Changbin looked down at him worriedly. “A little dizzy too.”

“Do you know what happened?” Changbin asked.

Hyunjin nodded slowly, his eyes never leaving Changbin’s face. He felt calmer now that Changbin was there.

“Okay, I’m going to help you sit up.” Changbin gently slid his arms under Hyunjin’s arms and lifted him like a child. Hyunjin had enough control to stay sitting on his own which was a good sign.

“Good job.” Changbin praised him. “Can you tell me how you’re feeling?”

Changbin took careful note of everything he said, slowly getting Hyunjin to the point of full body awareness and consistent speech.

The experience had worn him out and he felt oddly embarrassed of the attention, trying to hide his face against Changbin as much as possible. He didn’t understand the inexplicable feeling but he assumed it was just another way his body was acting on its own.

“I’m tired.” Hyunjin mumbled, pressing his forehead against Changbin’s arm. He didn’t want to show his flaming cheeks.

“You can lay down, let’s just get off of the floor.” Changbin rubbed his back.

He chuckled a little bit as Hyunjin stubbornly clung to him as they stood and shifted to the couch. Hyunjin was feeling better but his emotions felt all out of whack.

Changbin sat with him while he lay on the couch, eventually falling asleep after Changbin checked online if it was okay for him to sleep after a seizure. He woke him up after an hour just to check on him and get some food in him.

He was grumpy when he woke up, still feeling sore and exhausted. Changbin brought him a plate of food and monitored him carefully as he ate.

“A seizure can be caused by high fever, lack of sleep, low blood sugar, or the side effects of medication…” Chan leaned over the couch and read off of his phone. “Anything ring a bell as a trigger?”

Changbin frowned and put the back of his hand to Hyunjin’s forehead.

“He’s been sleeping fine and no diet changes. And he’s not taking any medications.”

“There are a lot of different potential causes.” Chan handed his phone to Changbin. “The more serious conditions usually involve having multiple seizures in a short period of time. But just having one caused by a trigger is plausible too.”

Changbin furrowed his brow as he read through some articles. Hyunjin watched him closely, trying to read his facial expressions. He felt much calmer now he was stable, but the space of time just before and after his seizure was terrifying. He didn’t feel like himself. His emotions felt a bit out of control and his body was slow to respond.

“How are you feeling?” Minho joined them and asked Hyunjin about his state.

“A lot better.” Hyunjin replied, able to put a blueberry in his mouth without shaking anymore. “Maybe I was just super tired.”

Changbin looked skeptical but he didn’t press Hyunjin for further details about his experience.

“I’m sure it was just a freak accident.” Hyunjin offered. It was the only thing they had to go off of so he wouldn’t needlessly worry about it. He was sure Changbin would do enough worrying for the both of them.

Jisung treated him most oddly the next week. Hyunjin would catch him staring sometimes, he tried to do everything for the older boy, and most humiliating, he caught Jisung covering sharp corners with his hands when Hyunjin passed by.

When he confronted Jisung about it, the younger boy had blushed and muttered that he had read stuff about seizures online. Hyunjin firmly insisted it was a freak event because he had been so tired. Over time Jisung stopped being so worried and life returned to normal.

Until the next time Hyunjin had a seizure. This time with Misun and Jeongin there. It definitely rattled Hyunjin. Changbin and Misun decided Hyunjin would just have to be on seizure watch in a sense. They took him to the doctor, who gave them things to look out for to be able to pin down what was happening. They followed instructions the doctor had given. Luckily, his seizures were rare still.

Hyunjin had started to notice Changbin was making time for Jisung here and there. Jisung had been dying to start driving so Changbin had set aside time for him when he could. Mostly Jisung just wanted to go driving but Changbin would do other things with him too. Hyunjin guessed it had to do with Minho leaving for college soon and Jisung being lonely.

He had told Hyunjin how much he was going to miss the older boy in the privacy of their room when they lay awake before bed, talking to each other. Hyunjin knew Jisung would miss him most because he had been friends with him longer and it had been just them in the beginning, but Hyunjin would miss him too. Minho was a good friend.

Hyunjin was secretly excited for when he got to go to college too. He also wanted to drive just as much as Jisung did. He hadn’t asked Changbin because he knew how busy he was. 

Changbin had taken Jisung driving on Saturday so Hyunjin decided to ask Changbin when he could take him. He asked him after dinner as they were clearing the dishes.

“Can you teach me how to drive sometime this week?” Hyunjin asked Changbin, handing him a plate.

“I can’t yet. I’m sorry.” Changbin looked at him sadly. “We just have to play it by ear.”

“That’s okay. Maybe next week.” Hyunjin shrugged.

“Hyunjin…” Changbin looked like he was at a loss for what to say. “Driving when you could have a seizure is dangerous.”

Hyunjin blinked at him, surprised. He hadn’t even thought of the danger because he had been so focused on driving itself.

To say Hyunjin was disappointed was an understatement. He was absolutely crushed. He didn’t realize how much he wanted it until it was taken away from him. 

He stood frozen for a moment, processing what Changbin had just said.

“It won’t be forever.” Changbin quickly amended. “You could stop having seizures completely. We just don’t know yet how long it will be. For now we have to wait.”

“Okay.” was all he could respond with as he handed over another plate.

“I’m really sorry.” Changbin sounded genuine. “As soon as we get the okay, either from the doctors or feel confident ourselves, I’ll teach you.”

Hyunjin nodded, feeling crestfallen and frustrated with himself not even thinking about the reality he had to live with.

Changbin offered to spend time with him that night, trying to cheer him up, but Hyunjin declined, wanting to be alone.

He knocked lightly on the door and Jisung called him in. He was rubbing his damp hair with a towel when Hyunjin came in. They had started knocking now they were roommates again. It didn’t do much except for show some respect for the other in the shared space.

“Hey, what’s up?” he said, walking to plug in his phone.

“What are you doing tonight?” Hyunjin asked, sitting on Jisung’s bed and hugging his bear plushie to his chest.

“Just going out with Minho.” Jisung replied. “There’s a new fried chicken place that opened up that we want to try.”

“That sounds fun.” Hyunjin responded quietly.

“Do you wanna come with?” Jisung offered kindly.

“No thank you.” Hyunjin didn’t feel like going out at the moment. He played with the ears of his plushie, feeling downhearted. 

“Did you want to spend time with me?” Jisung asked, looking at him.

“I’m just tired.” Hyunjin avoided his question vaguely. He leaned his cheek on the plushie, letting out a sad little breath.

“Why don’t you go to sleep early?” Jisung adjusted his hair and grabbed his jacket.

Hyunjin shrugged.

“I changed my mind.” Hyunjin raised his head suddenly. “Can I come with you?”

“Of course.” Jisung smiled. “Minho will be here any minute.”

Hyunjin got up and quickly got changed, wearing the navy sweater that Changbin had gotten him for his birthday. Jisung smiled and slung his arm around his shoulders when he came downstairs.

“Will you be out late?” Changbin asked, seeing Hyunjin was leaving as well.

“Not too late.” Jisung replied. “I’ll text you when we are heading home.”

“Okay, have fun.” Changbin smiled warmly at Hyunjin and he returned it shyly, still hurt by the fact he couldn’t drive but not wanting to show it.

He loved spending time with Jisung and Minho. They always made him comfortable. He was laughing so hard on the car ride to the restaurant that he wiped away tears.

“Just a few months left until college.” Minho raised his glass for a toast.

Hyunjin clinked his glass.

“Anything you want to do before school starts again?” Minho asked Hyunjin, knowing he was approaching college as well.

“I wanted to drive…” Hyunjin ran his finger around the rim of his glass, looking down when it came to him. “But I realize I won’t be able to.”

“I’m sorry.” Minho said after a beat. “That’s really discouraging.”

“It’s okay.” Hyunjin shrugged. “I just kind of wanted the independence. It would make me feel more… normal too. Everything is unknown right now.”

“That’s… rough.” Minho nodded.

They sat in silence for a little while just recognizing the tough situation.

“If you can’t drive then just do something else.” Jisung spoke up.

“Like what?” Hyunjin tilted his head curiously.

“Hm… there has to be something you can do that makes you feel like you have some independence and are making progress.” he sat back in his chair and tapped his knuckle against his chin.

“Hey!” Minho snapped his fingers as a thought came to him. “Why don’t you get a job?”

“A job?” Hyunjin repeated. “I-I don’t know… could I?”

“Of course you can!” Jisung got excited. “You should apply for some places! And if you start working now, they may give you flexible hours when school starts.”

“What about… my seizures.” Hyunjin frowned.

“You can still work certain jobs.” Minho waved away his worries. “Plus, your medication is helping a lot, right?”

“Yeah…” Hyunjin agreed. “It’s just kinda scary. What if something bad happens?”

“Just think of the worst-case scenario, which probably won’t happen.” Minho added. “If you can get past that then you should go for it.”

“I’ll think about it.” Hyunjin promised. “I am interested though.”

“Cheers for Hyunjin getting a job!” Jisung raised his glass again.

“I haven’t gotten one yet!” Hyunjin hit him lightly but raised his glass anyways.

When Hyunjin and Jisung got home, Hyunjin was still in a good mood. Changbin was waiting up for them and asked Hyunjin to sit with him for a moment.

“I just wanted to make sure you were okay.” Changbin told him directly. “I know it’s really disappointing not being able to drive and I feel really sorry.”

“It’s really okay.” Hyunjin assured him. 

Changbin frowned at his calm approach.

“I decided I want to focus on getting a job in the meantime.” Hyunjin told him.

“Oh…” Changbin was taken by surprise. “L-let’s talk about that…”

“I know I also have to be careful.” Hyunjin said, sensing Changbin’s apprehension. “I am just thinking about it at the moment.”

“Okay.” Changbin replied after a brief pause. Hyunjin suspected he had concerns but didn’t want to shut him down twice in one night. “Think about it.”

Hyunjin smiled at him and gave him a hug before bed. The more he thought about it, the more he wanted to go for it. But he still struggled with worrying about his seizures and if he could even do a job while having them.

Hyunjin didn’t remember slipping into the seizure, but regaining awareness was painfully clear. He was confused at first. He was suddenly on the floor, and his whole body ached. It was his first time having a seizure with no one around him. He lay for a while behind the couch at the base of the stairs.

The left side of his lower back ached, finally motivating him to get up slowly. He still felt a little disoriented and weak but he was proud of himself for being able to pull together once it was over.

But he winced as he stood. Glancing to the side he realized he had hit the small table that held one of the two house plants that had survived so far. He frowned at the offending object. He couldn’t help but remember when Changbin suggested moving the furniture around to ensure he didn’t hit his head on accident. Hyunjin had adamantly denied doing that, feeling like it made it even harder to live regularly.

Now he put his hand back to where it throbbed and wished he had listened. He went to the bathroom to look at it in the mirror. It was a bit of a stretch to be able to see that area but when he did, he groaned.

The sharp edge had created a nasty blood bruise in a horizontal streak across his lower back. It had broken the skin enough to bleed at the end. Hyunjin pressed his lips together, angrier than anything else. He had worked so hard to prove he was just fine and then he had to go and get hurt. He didn’t want Changbin to worry more about him getting a job.

He planned not to tell Changbin or Misun as he tried to patch himself up using the supplies in the first aid kid, but it seemed nothing was going right for him that day because Changbin came home early. He startled Hyunjin when he appeared in the doorway and made him drop the tube of Neosporin on the floor.

He covered his injury with his shirt but Changbin’s gaze immediately went to the first aid kit on the counter.

“What happened?” he asked, drawing closer. “Did you hurt yourself?”

Hyunjin wanted to be calm and pretend everything was fine but he felt so frustrated at himself, and disappointed that this had happened, and ashamed for Changbin to see that he was overwhelmed with emotion.

He gestured to the first aid kit and tried to think of something to say but ended up dropping his hand and blinking back tears.

“Okay, slowly.” Changbin immediately switched to his soft calming tone. At the moment it just made Hyunjin feel worse, not wanting to be talked down.

“Did you have a seizure?” Changbin asked first, stepping into the bathroom and drawing the door closed to give them privacy.

Hyunjin wrapped his arms around himself and looked away, trying desperately not to cry.

“It’s okay if you did.” Changbin said. “Just let me know.”

Hyunjin nodded slightly and for some reason it just broke him, tears starting to escape. He sniffled and wiped his tears away roughly. He hated being so weak and having to admit his experience.

“It’s okay! It’s nothing we aren’t prepared for.”

Changbin reached his hand towards Hyunjin’s shoulder to pull him into a hug but Hyunjin drew away. Rarely would he fall back into touch feeling foreign, but right then he didn’t want to be touched.

Changbin let his hand fall and they stood there for a minute. Hyunjin looked away, arms still wrapped around himself protectively.

“Misun just got home.” Changbin told him. “Would you feel better if she came to help you instead?”

Hyunjin shook his head rigorously. 

“I don’t want her to see me like this.” he blurted out, shame flooding through him again.

“You don’t have to be embarrassed.” Changbin shook his head. “It’s no different than if we had been here.”

“I just- I just hate myself!” Hyunjin finally choked out, turning his body so Changbin couldn’t see his face as well.

“Oh Hyunnie…” Changbin sounded so sad it made Hyunjin feel even worse.

His hand brushed Hyunjin’s shoulder and he jerked away, drawing back until he came up against the sink. 

“I’m sorry.” Changbin immediately apologized for the unwanted touch. “I won’t touch you again. I’m sorry…”

“I can’t do anything!” Hyunjin sobbed. “I can’t drive! I can’t go out without worrying! I can’t even get a job without having to be careful!”

“Hey, hey, it’s okay!” Changbin tried to soothe him. “You’re okay. It’s going to be okay.”

“I just want to be normal!” Hyunjin brushed at his tears, his bottom lip trembling.

“Hyunjin… you are normal sweetheart.” Changbin was trying to be so gentle Hyunjin could feel his concern. “You’re having a hard time right now, I recognize that. But it won’t be forever.”

“It just gets worse and worse!” Hyunjin replied. “Next you’re not going to let me have a job and-and I’ll just be a burden!”

“You’re not a burden.” Changbin quickly denied. “We just want to keep you safe.”

“I just want things to go back to the way they were.” Hyunjin whimpered. “I’m so tired of this.”

“I understand.” Changbin nodded. “There’s not much I can do to fix things immediately but we can figure some things out. I don’t want you to hate yourself. None of this is your fault.”

“It’s my stupid body.” Hyunjin scrunched up his nose, trying not to cry again. “It’s broken.”

“Everyone has their own struggles.” Changbin responded. “I know you wish this was something you could get rid of immediately but we have to ride it out.”

Hyunjin wiped his tears and blinked up at Changbin.

“I’m right here with you the whole time.” Changbin made a sad face, expressing how he was feeling for Hyunjin. “We can get through it together.”

“I-I did hurt myself.” Hyunjin admitted. “But I d-don’t want you to touch me.”

He looked at Changbin nervously for his reaction. He wasn’t really sure why he didn’t want to be touched but it happened sometimes, mostly when he was insecure and the thought of someone touching him made him shiver.

“I won’t touch you if you ask me not to.” Changbin said softly, holding his hands up. “I promise.”

Hyunjin watched him for a moment and then lifted his shirt to expose the scraped bruise contrasting darkly against his skin.

“Ouch.” Changbin sucked in a breath empathetically. “That’s…”

Hyunjin wanted Changbin to help him make it better but his mind wasn’t letting him get close. He just gazed at Changbin with his puppy dog eyes, trying to convey what his words couldn’t.

“I’m so sorry.” Changbin looked like he was struggling too. “I don’t know what to do sweetheart.”

Hyunjin turned away, brushing away tears as they began to fall again. He felt like his world was falling apart and he couldn’t hold the pieces together.

“I’ll wait however long it takes and then I’ll help you, okay?” Changbin’s calm voice was enough to help him regain a little composure. “You can call for Misun if you feel more comfortable.”

He struggled for an hour, trying to tell himself that it was just Changbin but his skin crawled when he thought of a phantom touch. Changbin gave him space even as time stretched on. Hyunjin paced the bathroom, biting his lip nervously.

He heard Jisung get back home and hushed voices. Probably Changbin filling him in on the situation. Misun and Jeongin gave him space as well.

It was starting to get late and Hyunjin decided he would be fine if Changbin didn’t take care of his scratch. He would just go to bed.

Finally he left the bathroom and picked out pajamas in his room. Jisung came in but didn’t say anything. Hyunjin bit his lip as he stretched his arms over his head making his back sting.

“If you need anything just let me know.” Jisung told him with a shy smile.

Hyunjin nodded gratefully and went downstairs to get water. Changbin was at the table and Hyunjin could feel him watching his movements as he entered the kitchen.

Changbin came up behind him, still keeping space.

“I’m really sorry Hyunjin.” he said. “I should have asked you.”

Hyunjin shook his head and turned to face him slowly.

“Do you feel ready?” Changbin asked tentatively.

“No.” Hyunjin whispered. “But I want you to touch me anyways.”

“I won’t if you’re not ready.” Changbin shook his head. “Don’t force yourself.”

In response, Hyunjin reached out slowly until his fingertips brushed Changbin’s wrist. He wrapped his fingers around his wrist with a feather light touch and lifted his hand, guiding it to his shoulder.

Instead of cringing from the contact, his shoulders loosened under the warm weight of Changbin’s hand. He let out a shaky breath and leaned forward. He wrapped his arms around Changbin lightly at first and then sunk against his chest fully.

Changbin waited for a minute before returning the hug, making sure it was okay.

“I’m sorry.” Hyunjin whispered. “I just couldn’t.”

“It’s okay.” Changbin stroked his hand over his hair. “I love you. You know that, right?”  
Hyunjin nuzzled closer to him and nodded.

It had been a long day and he felt battered, physically and mentally. Even though the day had been rough, Changbin was always there to give Hyunjin a hug and a gentle word. Tonight he even pressed a kiss against the side of his head.

He gently cleaned his scrape and put a bandage over it, careful not to press against the sensitive bruise. After he was done, Hyunjin hugged him goodnight again. 

Hyunjin slept in the next morning, too drained to get up early. The past few days had been an emotional roller coaster and he was tired. He was endlessly thankful for his family members though.

He was woken up by Jeongin sneaking in and climbing up onto the bed with him. At least, trying to. Hyunjin helped him crawl up next to him.

“I have a secret.” Jeongin whispered, eyes sparkling with excitement.

“Mm what’s that?” Hyunjin hummed, twirling Jeongin’s soft hair between his fingers.

“Daddy says I can pick out a new toy at the store if I’m good today.” Jeongin whispered and then giggled into his hands.

“Wow, that’s a great secret.” Hyunjin smiled. Jeongin was too adorable.

“I’m going to tell Ji!” Jeongin slid off of his bed and ran for the door. Hyunjin thought it was cute Jeongin called Jisung “Ji”. It was easier for him to say and had a cute tone to it.

As he was still lying in bed, Changbin came in and sat on the side of the bed next to him.

“May I touch you?” he asked firstly.

Hyunjin nodded and smiled up at him when his hand brushed back his bed hair.

“I’ve been thinking a lot this past week.” Changbin smiled tiredly. “You deserve to live life as any other kid your age.”

Hyunjin stayed quiet, listening to him talk.

“I want you to go after that job if you want it.” Changbin let out a breath like it was hard to say but he did anyways. “You will have some challenges but I know you’ll be okay.”

Hyunjin searched his face to see if he was really serious.

“Do you mean it?” he asked quietly.

“I do.” Changbin nodded sincerely. “I want you to go for it. You can do it.”

Changbin’s words were the final piece of encouragement and support that Hyunjin needed. He really did want a job. He would go for it.

“I want to go to the doctor again day after tomorrow, okay?” Changbin asked. “I think you’ve had enough to shoot for a diagnosis now.”

“Okay.” Hyunjin nodded. “I want to figure this out.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to approach this topic because I haven’t talked about medical issues yet which are very common in foster and adoptive homes. I tried to keep everything minimally detailed and more experience based! If you have any questions, feel free to ask me! Either I or my friend will give some insights from our experiences! Shout out to my lovely friend who helped so much! <3
> 
> IMPORTANT NOTE: In this chapter, Hyunjin thinks about getting a job. I went through this whole wondering and worrying stage and I think it's crucial to know what's going on before going for it, as we see Woojin guide him towards. But it's also so important to keep options open! For me, just knowing I still had cards on the table helped me tremendously. Even if I knew doors would close, initially it helped me process!


	3. Chan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I have something very important to say so PLEASE READ! In this chapter I discuss Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) in detail. I worked hard to adequately describe what it’s like for the child and the caregiver. I myself worked with a little kiddo who had RAD and it was really stretching. Children with RAD can definitely establish healthy relationships and learn how to interact with and love both peers and adults though it’s a process! Some cases are more severe than others but I wanted to show a mild case I guess you could say, with a positive outcome! So don’t be too worried if it feels very heavy in the beginning. I say all this to kind of warn you that I’m not an expert hehe and it’s not as easy as I show in this story (cuz I can’t fit extensive scenarios in)! I hope this is helpful informative to you though!  
> TW: Unhealthy Behaviors, Reactive Attachment Disorder

Chan and Ara were more than excited to adopt Felix. They were overjoyed. From the minute they matched with him based off of a simple profile and a small photo, they were dedicated. 

Originally, they had discussed adopting another kid as a playmate for Seungmin. The age gap was a little large than they originally thought of, Felix just barely turning four, but they didn’t mind. Seungmin was still in the kid stage so ages were a little blurred when it came to playtime.

But most of all, Chan felt like giving a child in need of a home a place in their lives was all the reason they needed for adopting. Ara and him both believed they had the time and the space so they invited another kiddo in.

Chan and Ara just fell in love with Felix the first time they met him in person.

When Felix got out of the car, Chan’s heart melted. He was the most adorable little boy. He had wide brown eyes and a petite button nose above pink lips. He looked like a little fairy. When his eyes met Chan, he fell in love instantly. It was the same feeling he had felt with Minho and Seungmin. He broke into a smile and approached Felix.

“Hi bud!” he said enthusiastically. “How are you?”

Felix stared back at him with no expression.

“He’s a little shy.” the woman with him explained.

“That’s okay!” Chan addressed Felix. 

When Chan had met Seungmin for the second time and adopted him he had given the boy a hug. Even if it wasn’t much, it was a little way to show he cared. When Chan crouched down and opened his arms for a hug, Felix visibly stepped back.

He did seem shy so Chan let it go, instead reaching his hand out for Felix to hold. Felix didn’t accept the action either, glancing up at Chan and then away. It wasn’t entirely uncommon behavior for a young child so Chan didn’t think about it for too long.

The second visit was just as awkward and stilted. Felix seemed incredibly shy being with Ara and Chan. Chan made sure he had been informed of what was happening so the unfamiliarity of them being strangers was lessened slightly, but he was still nervous around them.

Felix had been in multiple homes in his young life, the first one being a fantastic home, per what was shared when Chan and Ara delved into his history. Chan suspected that maybe he was feeling lingering attachment to that home. But he was also so young when he was removed from there so Chan couldn’t be sure how much he remembered.

Felix didn’t cry once in the first three days of being with them. He was stoic as ever, yet sometimes he confused Chan. When Seungmin showed Felix all the toys he could play with, Felix looked incredibly sad. But when Chan asked him if he was sad, he said he wasn’t. It was hard to read what he was feeling and that made it harder for Chan and Ara to accommodate to his needs.

They spent the next week just barely testing the surface of who Felix was. He was definitely verbal but not as much when Chan and Ara were around, sometimes even refusing to respond. It was a bit confusing. Chan began to notice many things while interacting with Felix in the critical first week or two.

He tried to push down the uncomfortable feelings he got playing with Felix. He wasn’t really playing with Felix in a sense. Felix was completely in his own world. When Chan would talk to him, he would get no response. He even went so far as to turn his back on Chan when he tried to initiate himself into Felix’s play space.

A smile rarely flitted across Felix’s face. Chan spent far too long staring at his face, trying to get a hint of emotion. It didn’t make Chan uncomfortable of Felix himself, it just made him feel insecure in his interactions with the boy. It felt like he was trying to interact with someone who had no interest in his company.

When Chan gave up and gave him space, he didn’t mind at all. Seungmin could play alone, but only for half an hour max before he was looking for a playmate. Felix could be on his own for hours if Chan let him, which he didn’t. It didn’t feel right.

Felix was the most independent child Chan had ever seen. He wanted to do everything himself. He dressed himself, poured himself cereal and wanted to do anything he possibly could. There was a nagging worry in the back of Chan’s mind.

When Chan got home, Seungmin ran to give him a hug and show him whatever he had missed in the day. Felix stood to the side, the same expressionless mask over his features. Chan made the first move, crouching down and hugging Felix gently. To his surprise and disappointment, Felix stiffened up and backed away, laughing but there was nothing funny about the situation.

After talking extensively together, Ara and him decided they wanted Misun to observe some of Felix’s behaviors. They worried he may be showing signs of Autism Spectrum Disorder. From his lack of expressiveness and tendency to play alone or draw into his own world, or even his resistance to physical touch. It made sense if he was higher functioning that previous caregivers had failed to pay attention to the signs.

Chan and Ara took Felix and Seungmin over to play with Jeongin so Misun could interact with Felix a little. Their next step would be to set up an appointment with a professional but they wanted a loose opinion first.

They tried to be subtle, having the kids play with a race track while the adults observed from the couch. Seungmin and Jeongin immediately jumped in, talking with each other and being imaginative. Felix collected his own pieces to the side and begun setting up his own course.

Soon Seungmin and Jeongin were out of pieces. Seungmin approached Felix, Jeongin being too shy.

“Can I have some of your extra pieces?” Seungmin asked.

“No.” Felix said it so quietly that it was almost unheard.

“We can connect both our tracks and it will be bigger.” Seungmin suggested. Felix ignored him. Seungmin reached out and tapped his shoulder.

“Ouch.” Felix drew away and covered his shoulder with his hand.

Chan noticed Misun frown marginally. Seungmin had barely tapped him.

“Watch, I’ll just do this.” Seungmin took matters into his own hands and shifted Felix’s track closer to connect with theirs. Usually Chan would have stopped Seungmin and let him know Felix wasn’t onboard with his plan but he let it go.

“No!” Felix grabbed Seungmin’s hands and stopped him. Chan caught a glimpse of that rare emotion again. Felix’s face was dark with anger.

“It will be fun!” Seungmin persisted.

“This is mine.” Felix said coldly.

“We’ll share part of the track with you if you want. Deal?” Seungmin extended his hand.  
Seungmin considered for a minute and then nodded slightly, accepting his hand. The touch consistency was off for some reason.

Chan bowed his head. It was all so upsetting.

They played outside after, Misun, Chan, Ara, and Changbin this time, following. The most worrying moment was when Felix tripped and fell to his hands and knees on the sidewalk. His eyes welled up with tears and he started crying.

Chan moved to go to him immediately but Misun stopped him with a hand on his shoulder.

“What?” he asked, confused.

Misun watched Felix curiously.

“He’s self-soothing.” she commented. “He doesn’t immediately look for you, or any caregiver.” 

It was true. Felix wiped his tears and didn’t even glance around for an adult. It made Chan feel worse. He hated it, so he went over to Felix anyways and crouched down next to him.

“Are you okay bud?” Chan asked.

Felix turned his head away from Chan and pushed his hand away when he moved to touch him. It broke Chan more than he wanted to admit. He lifted Felix into his arms. He could tell it was against his will, his whole-body stiff. He didn’t latch onto Chan like Seungmin or Jeongin would.

Everything felt so wrong. Chan was confused. He set Felix down on the steps since holding him felt too hard with how he was. To Chan’s shock, Felix headed straight to Changbin and climbed into his lap, hugging him willingly.

Changbin froze, shocked for a minute and then gently patted Felix’s back. Chan ran his hand over his forehead. Did Felix just hate Chan? He had only met Changbin once before. He was essentially a stranger.

“I think you should see a specialist.” Misun said once they were alone without the kids.

“Something’s wrong with him, isn’t there?” Chan asked.

Ara flinched at his word choice but it’s how they both felt.

“I just don’t know exactly based off of what I’ve observed.” Misun answered. “The closest thing I could guess would be that he has an attachment disorder.”

Chan’s heart sank at her words. The term sounded terrifying. Was Felix unable to bond with them?

“I’m really sorry.” Misun touched Ara’s arm compassionately. It felt like sealing a hard fate. Chan didn’t know what to do in the situation. Felix’s blank face ran through his mind.

Chan was silent on the way home. He didn’t say anything when Felix got himself ready for bed and lay down himself. Chan kissed Seungmin goodnight but skipped Felix.

Chan sat on the couch with his head in his hands, his heart in pain. The couch dipped next to him and he assumed it was Ara. Then arms wrapped around his waist in a hug. Chan didn’t raise his head, knowing it was Minho.

“Are you okay?” he asked Chan softly.

“No.” Chan answered, too exhausted to appear strong.

“Is it Felix?” Minho asked.

“No, it’s me.” Chan murmured. “I’m the one who doesn’t know what to do.”

“What’s happening?” Minho continued to lightly hug Chan. It was comforting, especially since Minho wasn’t often physically affectionate.

“Has Felix ever let you hug or touch him?” Chan asked.

“Yeah… why?”

Chan raised his head, looking at Minho in confusion yet again.

“He does?” he asked.

“Only once or twice. Occasionally when we play...” Minho answered. “I hugged him when I first met him.”

“I can’t understand why he acts so closed off to Ara and I.” Chan said honestly. “I can’t read him at all.”

“He’s very stoic for a little kid.” Minho nodded.

“We’re taking him to a specialist.” Chan sighed. “Hopefully we can pin down what’s happening.

“Can I come with you?” Minho asked.

“Why?” Chan frowned, a little surprised.

“I just want to see, ya know, how these things work.” Minho shrugged and looked away.

“Yeah, I guess that’s fine.” Chan agreed though he didn’t know why Minho would choose to go with them instead of doing something else.

They took Felix the next day. It felt pressing enough that they needed to know right away. Especially since Felix was adopted by them through a closed adoption, there were no other extraneous details that complicated things further. Chan and Ara wanted to buckle down and make sure they knew what they were dealing with as soon as possible.

It felt like the appointment took hours. Chan spoke extensively about Felix’s worrying behaviors and answered many questions. Chan hated to do it, but he tried to pick Felix up in the office and was met with Felix yet again drawing away from him and whispering “ouch”.

It was good that Minho was there. He accompanied Felix to another room while the specialist spoke to Chan and Ara about what she believed was the problem.

“He shows signs of Reactive Attachment Disorder, though I didn’t immediately identify it as a severe case. I would need to work with him more.” she told them. “It’s common but most likely seen in children who have his background. Usually if the caregivers available to him in the early stages of his development weren’t fulfilling his basic needs.”

“He seems very healthy physically.” she continued. “But it seems other emotional needs such as comfort, affection, or general attention were lacking.”

“What does that mean exactly?” Ara asked. “We know he had a difficult past but why is he acting the way he is? Is it because he didn’t receive love and care?”

“Essentially, yes.” The specialist nodded. “Since he is lacking positive experiences, he functions believing that all interactions with a caregiver, being yourselves, are negative.”

“Is he afraid of us?” Chan asked.

“Maybe in some moments, interactions with you two are incredibly stressful for him. But other than that, he processes things without the help of a caregiver. For example, he doesn’t turn to you for comfort, or assistance in any way. In his mind, the relationship between his needs and your concerns don’t connect.”

“I-Is it permanent?” Chan asked, feeling heavily concerned. “Can we fix it?”

“You can definitely help him heal and reverse the damage done.” she nodded. “But it’s a long process. You’ll have to be very patient with him. It’s unhealthy for a young child not to have an outlet for his emotions and struggles since it’s such a critical, vulnerable time in his life. Even if you open up to him and begin to slowly build a connection, you have to be mindful that even though he’s just a child, he has high levels of stress almost at all times.”

“How can we help relieve that pressure?” Ara was determined to help him release that stress.

“The best ways are to facilitate an environment with clear boundaries and a set structure. That way, he knows what to expect from you. He will most likely have extreme fits and meltdowns because little triggers can set him off.” The specialist rummaged in her desk. “His want to be independent may clash with yours but you have to be stable enough to show him you are always there to help him form that emotional bond with you.”

She handed some papers over to the two of them.

“Here is additional information on Reactive Attachment Disorder as well as resources for support.” she smiled. “I highly recommend finding support for yourselves, even finding a place that can give you parenting breaks. But most crucial is plugging him into things like family therapy and individual counseling.”

It was a lot to take in. Chan was already feeling overwhelmed and he guessed Ara felt the same based on her silence. It was a daunting task and seemed like an incredibly long process. 

They discussed it more once they were at home and could have some privacy.

“This is just… a lot.” Ara stared down at everything they had available laid out on the bed in front of her.

“It’s deeper than just a trauma, he’s been trained, or raised in such a way that he can’t connect with us.” Chan paced back and forth in front of the bed.

“We can still help him develop a healthy relationship.” Ara tried to stay positive.

“I can’t dedicate all of my time to him.” Chan answered honestly though it hurt to say it out loud. “We’re already switching off work days in the week to fit our busy schedules plus we have Minho’s activities and Seungmin’s therapy and classes.”

It was scary to admit, but they were overwhelmed.

“We can do it Chan. It’s going to be hard but we can do it.” Ara said with fierce determination. “We’ve never given up on a kid before. Felix is no different.”

Chan knew they couldn’t and he would never dream of it, but he worried for how the other two kids would manage with the added commitment to Felix’s needs.

The hardest part was how difficult Felix could be. He was fiercely defiant when it came to resisting authority. It seemed like he could argue to the ends of the earth and it seemed he had no remorse for his bad behavior when he was disciplined.

It wasn’t that he was a bad kid. Not in the slightest. He was only trying to look out for himself and not align with Chan and Ara out of a sense of future lack of fulfillment. When he disobeyed, he didn’t truly have no guilt, it just wasn’t outwardly shown or felt inwardly to the extent many other kids did.

Most often, children were disciplined and felt the sadness of going against a parent they loved. In Felix’s case, it was similar to disobeying strangers who he had no connection with. In fact, he would actively seek out attention from others strangers over his own caregivers.

Chan had to go to great lengths to interact with Felix positively when it seemed every battle was a lost cause. Like when Felix accidentally broke Seungmin’s toy. It wasn’t malicious intent, just an accident, but his response seemed to reflect the former.

“He broke my toy!” Seungmin pointed accusingly at Felix.

Felix set down the broken pieces silently, not seeming phased.

“Did you break it?” Chan asked.

“Yes.” Felix answered directly. He moved to go back to their toy shelf but Chan stopped him.

“What do you say to Seungmin?” he prompted.

Felix stared blankly at him for a moment and then back at Seungmin.

“I broke it.” he repeated. Chan frowned. There was no evidence of guilt or regret in his tone.

“You should say you’re sorry because it was a toy he liked.” Chan corrected him. He waited for Felix to do so but he just tried to walk away again.

“Felix.” Chan used a strict tone. “Apologize to Seungmin.”

He could practically see Felix bristle at the authoritative tone. He stubbornly remained silent. He crossed his arms and turned his face away.

“Hey.” Chan turned Felix to face him by his elbow. “You need to apologize.”

“No.” the word Chan hated came from Felix’s lips again.

Chan refused to give up. It was vital to enforce strong boundaries.

“We’re going to wait here until you apologize.” Chan said calmly. In response, Felix abruptly ran from the room.

Chan’s first instinct was to chase after him but he forced himself to take a breath before following. It stemmed from Felix wanting to be in control. He would go to great lengths to be defiant and sometimes it made Chan want to explode with impatience and frustration, but he had to stay calm.

He found Felix in the laundry room of all places. Wedged into the space where they usually tucked the clean clothes hamper between the dryer and the wall. He had his knees drawn up to his chest, his hands resting on them and a frustrated look on his face.

“There you are.” Chan said, trying to appear nonthreatening but also ready to lay down the law. “You didn’t apologize to Seungmin yet.”

Felix hid his face against his knees. 

Chan knew that even though Felix was resisting him, the fact that Chan was actively seeking him out made him aware that Chan really cared about what he did.

“I’ll sit with you until you’re ready.” Chan sat down across from him. He remembered what the specialist had said about Felix already dealing with a lot of stress so he gave him space without talking at him too much. Just being with him to ensure him he couldn’t just run away was enough.

Close to half an hour stretched on and Chan marveled at Felix’s stubbornness and tenacity. Finally, the little boy slowly wiggled his way out of the space and stood.

“Ready?” Chan asked, still sitting.

Felix nodded, avoiding looking directly at Chan. They walked upstairs together and he apologized. Seungmin accepted his apology graciously. It was a small victory for Chan.

The first time Chan really saw Felix upset was when he didn’t get his way in their choice of activities. He wanted to go to the park but it was too late so he promptly threw a fit. Chan and Ara were left to stand, almost stunned, as he wore himself out in the living room, crying and screaming.

He had incredible stamina, continuing to lay on the carpet and sob for almost an hour. Ara left, needing a break since she had been with him most of the day. Chan sat in the armchair by the TV, waiting out the storm.

Slowly, Felix calmed, blinking up at Chan tiredly. Chan rocked back and forth in the chair slowly, trying to display that he wasn’t phased in the slightest.

Felix picked himself up and wiped away his tears, still watching Chan. He offered Felix a kind smile. It drew Felix closer to him so he was standing right in front of Chan. He watched Chan rock the chair slightly. 

Chan had learned to read his face even though his emotions sometimes showed incorrectly or not at all. His eyes spoke volumes. It was obvious he was interested in the movement of the chair. Seungmin had enjoyed it too when they first got it.

“You, off.” Felix pointed at Chan and then to the floor, indicating he wanted Chan to get out of the chair so he could try. Chan raised his eyebrow.

“What do you say when asking someone to do something?” Chan prompted the correct way to ask.

Felix frowned a little and it was actually relieving to see an appropriate emotion.

“Please.” he asked.

Chan smiled and stood, letting Felix climb into the chair after him. It was a big chair, the cushioned kind which could recline if needed. Felix moved himself back and forth but he wasn’t strong enough to get it moving.

“Do you want me to help you?” Chan asked.

Felix thought before answering, his little fingers wiggling on the armrest to indicate he was torn.

“Yes.” he nodded. “Please.”

“Thank you for asking nicely.” Chan added it to his mental checklist of small victories. He was slow and careful as he eased into the seat next to Felix. Maybe Felix was too preoccupied, but he didn’t seem bothered by Chan being so close to him. In fact, he climbed to sit on Chan’s thigh to be more comfortable as Chan started rocking.

It was really simple but Chan knew Felix loved it. He didn’t say a word but he wiggled around with excited energy. Chan loved it. For the first time, he had Felix sitting against him, body relaxed and not stiff. It was definitely a victory.

His individual counselor gave them more good news in the fourth week of him attending sessions with her.

“I’m really happy to say Felix has been doing well with the exercises we’ve been doing.” she told Chan and Ara. “He has been able to identify his emotions with me which is a major step!”

She looked at them for a long moment and then leaned forward, folding her hands together.

“I’m guessing you’ve heard scary things about the disorder.” she guessed. “I’m sure some of your research has led you down some dark tangents.”

Ara nodded, pressing her hands together on her lap tightly.

“I want to offer you words of encouragement.” she smiled. “You both are wonderful parents who are actively working for the best outcome for him. I have every bit of faith that Felix will thrive.”

“How do you know?” Chan asked, desperate for positive feedback. 

“Felix is much more emotive than most children with severe cases of the disorder. He also shows a strong conscious though he hides it. As many kids do with this disorder.”

“Why is it so hard for us to see it?” Chan asked, frowning slightly.

“It’s not unusual for parents to struggle to see what exactly is happening with their child. We are professionals so we know how to analyze from experience.” The counselor consoled him. “You’ll come to recognize more things the longer you interact with your child and the more you strengthen your bond with him.”

It was slow but Chan began to learn how to read Felix a little better. Mostly reading his eyes and the subtle cues he gave that indicated his mood. Sometimes simply reading one emotion as the opposite side of the spectrum since sometimes Felix didn’t portray correct emotions in situations.

Chan tried hard to engage with Felix any way he could, even though many interactions felt unfulfilling for him. Felix loved to color more than anything. He could sit for hours coloring carefully. He had fantastic fine motors skills.

Chan found it fascinating to watch the way he immersed himself in coloring, his tongue poking out between his lips in concentration. He colored each section in detail.

“What’s your favorite color?” Chan asked, coloring next to him at the table.

Felix rubbed his eye and then switched out his marker. Chan continued coloring, not fazed by him not answering.

“Yellow.”

Chan glanced up. Felix was still coloring with focused precision but he had answered.

“I like yellow too.” Chan replied. “It reminds me of sunshine.”

“Bees.” Felix added another yellow thing. “Bananas, my raincoat… fish.”

Chan smiled and nodded.

“Seungmin’s favorite color is green.” Felix continued, tilting his head back and forth like he sometimes did when he was happy. “Minho’s is… navy.”

Chan had no idea when he had learned that info but it was correct. He was glad Felix connected with Seungmin and Minho at least.

Felix set down his marker to rub at his eyes again, this time a little harder.

“Careful bud.” Chan said, worried he was rubbing his eyes too hard. “Are you sleepy?”

“No.” Felix returned to sorting through his marker choices.

Chan noticed Felix rubbing his eyes during dinner as well. His eyes looked a little red.

Before bedtime, Chan read Seungmin and Felix a book. Well, he cuddled with Seungmin on his bed while Felix lay in his own bed, listening. Once Chan had taken out Seungmin’s implants, he glanced at Felix whose hands were at his eyes again.

Maybe he was just sleepy. Chan turned off the light after saying goodnight.

The next morning, Chan noticed Felix rubbing his eyes immediately. 

“Felix.” he crouched next to him as the little boy put on his Velcro sneakers. “Do your eyes hurt?”

“No.” Felix stood up, ready to go to the park.

“Why are you rubbing your eyes?” Chan asked.

“Itchy.” Felix shrugged before running back upstairs to get something.

Chan got his answer to why Felix was rubbing his eyes when they went to the park. He told Ara about it and she pinned it down almost immediately. 

“He probably has allergies.” she said. “I had them when I was a kid. Allergens would make my eyes itchy. It makes sense because he’s been out and about a lot recently.”

“What should we do?” Chan asked.

“It’s not that serious Chan!” she laughed, patting his chest. “I’ll pick up some oral allergy medication and eye drops. For tonight we can make sure we wash his face so any pollen he’s picked up is cleared away.”

Felix didn’t take kindly to Chan wiping his face with a warm washcloth that night. He frowned and tried to turn his face away. Chan managed to succeed without a meltdown. Unfortunately, his allergies weren’t cleared that easily and Chan soon met his arch nemesis. Eye drops.

Felix didn’t verbally complain about his eyes itching but he was obviously bothered since he kept rubbing at them. It just made them more irritated. Chan and Ara had to attempt to put eye drops in his eyes.

Felix was warily compliant for a bit, laying down on his bed so Chan could easily apply the drops. Chan didn’t want to talk him through it, afraid he would run away so he rambled a little, uncapping the dropper and trying not to freak out a little.

“I’m going to open your eyes a little.” Chan told him.

He had to lean over Felix, one hand resting lightly on his forehead, his fingers brushing his eyelids, hoping to hold them open gently. That was as far as Felix’s comfort lasted.

He flinched and moved his head, trying to get away from Chan’s touch.

“No.” he said firmly.

Chan waited for him to turn his head back and tried to repeat the motion. This time Felix brought his hand up to stop him, shaking his head in dissent.

“No.” he repeated. “I don’t want to!”

“I’m going to make your eyes feel better sunshine.” Chan said gently. He tried to touch Felix again but he cringed away from Chan.

“Ouch!” he cried loudly. Of course, Chan hadn’t hurt him but he was trying to get Chan to stop what he was doing.

“I’ll be gentle.” Chan persisted, knowing Felix would put up a fight no matter what at this point.

“Ouch! You’re hurting me!” Felix cried, squeezing his eyes shut. It was hard for Chan to ignore his words. It felt wrong but he knew it was manipulative behavior.

He positioned the dropper over Felix’s eye and as soon as he opened, he squeezed it. Felix cried out, the liquid running down his face, having missed his eye. He pushed Chan away, starting to cry.

“You have to work with me bud.” Chan sat back, waiting. His heart was pounding for some reason. Felix wiped at his face, crying far too loudly. It was as if Chan was torturing him.

Chan tried to open his eye again, trying to ignore him struggling beneath him for a moment. Felix screamed at the top of his lungs, striking the dropper out of his hand. He curled into a ball, covering his face with his hands.

For some reason it tipped Chan over the edge. The stress of the past few weeks came crashing down on him and he couldn’t take it anymore. He left the room, Felix still having a meltdown. He made it into the hall, his back hitting the wall and sliding down until he was sitting.

He let out trembling breaths, clenching his hands in his hair hard enough to hurt. He couldn’t deal with Felix. Felix had no love or trust for him. His efforts were falling to waste.

Hands covered his own, carefully uncurling his fingers from his dark curls. Chan let himself go limp. His body reflecting the emptiness in his heart. Minho. It was Minho yet again, sliding into his arms and hugging him gently.

“It’s okay.” he said softly.

“I can’t.” Chan whispered. 

“Yes you can.” Minho said. “I know you can.”

Chan drew back slightly so he could see Minho kneeling in front of him.

“I’m sorry.” he whispered. “You shouldn’t see me like this.”

“I don’t mind.” Minho shrugged and offered him a shy smile. “It’s normal, right?”

“You call this normal?” Chan laughed drily, Felix still crying in the background.

“No one’s perfect.” Minho replied. “We all have our problems. You’re helping him with his. That’s pretty huge.”

“Am I helping?” Chan ran his hand over his face.

“Yes. You are.” Minho said with conviction.

“Can I go to bed now?” Seungmin asked, standing at the top of the stairs. Chan stood quickly, pulling on a smile for him.

“Sure thing.” he said. “I’ll take your ears off. Felix is… being loud right now.”

Seungmin nodded, not seeming to pick up on the heavy atmosphere at the moment. Chan took a deep breath and cupped Minho’s face in his hand.

“What would I do without you? My little warrior.” Chan smiled.

Minho blushed and rubbed his arm shyly.

Chan led Seungmin into his room. Felix’s crying had turned into soft whimpers. Chan sat on the edge of Seungmin’s bed, waiting. He didn’t really know for what. He just felt he had to wait. He wanted to be emotionally and physically available for Felix when he calmed down.

When Felix had really stopped crying, he sat up in bed, staring at Chan with the same blank look he carried too often. Chan tried not to let it get to him, smiling at him kindly.

Felix watched them as Chan read Seungmin to bed. This time Seungmin felt him read, laying on his chest, instead of hearing him. When he was done, Felix had gotten up, changing into his pajamas by himself and climbing on the bathroom stool to brush his teeth.

Chan waited for him to be finished, turning on their nightlight while he was waiting. Felix came out of the bathroom and stood staring at Chan again.

“Are you okay bud?” Chan asked softly.

Felix drew a little closer, looking up at him with wide eyes. It finally clicked for Chan. Felix was checking if Chan was mad at him. Chan smiled gently at him, letting him see he wasn’t angry.

Felix stepped a little closer and reached out, slipping his hand into Chan’s. It was so brief, but he squeezed Chan’s hand twice. Just a light pressure and then Felix was climbing into bed, leaving Chan a bit puzzled.

He turned off the light and came into the hall, considering his action carefully. Even though he didn’t know what it meant exactly, it felt positive. Because Felix had initiated contact after a meltdown instead of hiding away or ignoring him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Firstly, Felix’s quick diagnosis is a bit unrealistic. Usually it takes time to diagnose an attachment disorder but for the sake of the story I had it happen fast! If Felix seems a little nonverbal, I’m just trying to show his unwillingness to interact with Chan and Ara. One way he does that is by not sharing how he’s feeling verbally. He’ll talk more with Minho and Seungmin in the next chapter but still not very much. He prefers being in his own world and not interacting much through talking.


	4. Minho

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for posting a bit late! My life has been hectic recently! I just started working with an orphanage in Kenya and already I am realizing I don’t have much time in the day! >u< But I am so beyond excited for this opportunity. If I get lucky, I will be able to go to the orphanage Spring or Summer! *fingers crossed* I think some of my personal feelings came out for this chapter about the fears of moving on but also wanting to stay in what feels safe! I hope you enjoy!

Minho wasn’t currently working since he was busy with school and would be going to college soon. But he did have a job in a sense.

Chan and Ara hired him as their babysitter. Minho didn’t consider it a chore really, since he mostly enjoyed it. But it was a job because Chan and Ara paid him. At first, he wanted to decline, but the work he put in deserved the reward and he did need money for anything Chan and Ara didn’t provide for him.

Chan and Ara needed time to take a break, either going on dates, going to different seminars and classes, or just having time to get things done without the kids. Having time and space to themselves was vitally important and Minho was happy to give them that opportunity.

Minho loved babysitting his two babies. Even though Seungmin was getting older, almost ten, and Felix was four, Minho still called them “the babies”. Most of the time, Minho ran the house smoothly. He knew Seungmin and Felix’s schedules like the back of his hand and knew how to deal with unforeseen problems that popped up.

But some days were still hard. Some days Minho couldn’t understand how Chan and Ara managed twenty-four seven.

“Seungmin. I’m giving you ten seconds to set that down or you’ll be in trouble.” Minho warned in an authoritative tone as Seungmin held a tube of paint over the papers the three of them were painting with.

“I know how to do it.” Seungmin challenged him, beginning to squeeze the tube even though it would be far too much paint on his paper.

“Seungmin-.” Minho winced as a hug glob of paint landed on his paper.

“See!” Seungmin set aside the tube.

“You didn’t listen.” Minho replied. “Do you want to have to sit in timeout?”

Seungmin slumped in his chair and pouted. Minho let the punishment slide for the moment. He thought the warning was enough.

“Now I have to throw this paper away and get you another one.” Minho stood and carefully took away his paper.

“No!” Seungmin shouted angrily and smacked his hand down on the table.

Minho dropped it in the trash can, already starting to tear apart from too much moisture.

“Hey!” Felix frowned at Seungmin. He had jostled the younger boy’s arm, making him smear paint on his paper.

Minho place a new sheet in front of Seungmin and Felix promptly reached over to dab a streak on the blank page in retaliation.

“Hey!” Seungmin cried out.

“Paint on your own papers.” Minho shook his head.

Seungmin reached into the little paint jars set out with his finger and smeared blue paint on Felix’s page.

“What did I just say?” Minho fixed him with another stern look. “And we don’t use our fingers.”

Before Minho could even try to restore order, Felix dipped his fingers in yellow paint and smeared them directly on Seungmin arm.

“That’s not fair!” Seungmin shouted, reaching for the paint jars again.

“No.” Minho reached across the table and caught his hand before he could do damage.

“You’re so mean!” Seungmin directed towards Felix.

“No. you’re mean.” Felix replied

“Stop. We don’t call each other names.” Minho moved all the paint jars out of reach.

Seungmin wiped his arm against Felix’s so his paint was transferred to Felix’s arm as well.

In a flash, Felix raised his hand and smacked Seungmin’s shoulder.

“No-.” Minho was rapidly losing control of the situation.

Seungmin retaliated by shoving Felix hard. The smaller boy slipped half off of his chair before catching himself. It obviously scared him though because he burst into tears.

“You.” Minho walked around the table and grabbed Seungmin’s arm, taking him out of his chair. “Come with me. Now.”

“It’s his fault!” Seungmin resisted Minho pulling him out of the room and tried to uncurl his fingers.

“You’re going to sit here.” Minho deposited Seungmin next to Chan’s chair in his office. He didn’t trust Seungmin not to play if he put him in his room.

“No!” Seungmin crossed his arms and glared at him.

“I’m setting this timer for five minutes and then I’ll be back.” Minho set a timer and set it on the desk next to him. “I want you to think about the rule about talking back and pushing.”

Seungmin shook his head but Minho knew he would stay. He wasn’t defiant enough to try to break out of his discipline.

Minho returned to Felix who was sitting on his chair, tears still streaming down his face and hands gripping the edge of the chair tightly. Minho was so glad he hadn’t fallen off of the chair. That would be a whole other disaster.

Minho had never had to both comfort and discipline Felix before. He knew Felix required special care when relating.

Minho got a wet washcloth first and gently wiped the paint off of his arm first. Then he lifted Felix down from the chair. Felix wiped his tears and sniffled a few times before looking at Minho.

“Are you okay?” Minho asked. It was vital to show he cared about how Felix was feeling.

Felix nodded and pouted a little.

“Seungmin is mean.” he whispered.

“Seungmin is your friend.” Minho reminded him. “He was not nice for a bit, but he’s not mean.”

“He pushed me.” Felix replied, turning doe eyes on Minho.

“That wasn’t nice.” Minho nodded. “But he really didn’t mean to scare you.”

Felix stared at him for a long moment and then nodded.

“But we aren’t supposed to hit.” Minho said. “Do you think Seungmin likes to be hit?”

Felix shook his head.

“Do you think he liked when you put paint on his paper?” Minho guided him through processing what happened.

“No.” Felix looked down.

“Next time, if he does something you don’t like, you can tell him you didn’t like it. Or nicely ask him to stop.” Minho smiled encouragingly.

“Okay. I will try.” Felix started fidgeting in place and Minho nodded. His attention span for correction was small, as was with many small children.

“Do you want to keep painting?” Minho asked.

“I want to play with the cars.” Felix pointed to the box of cars they kept in the living room.

“Okay you can play, but first do you think you can apologize to Seungmin?” Minho asked.

Felix shrugged and tapped his toe into the floor but then nodded slowly. He followed Minho to see Seungmin.

“I’m sorry.” Felix mumbled, looking at Seungmin shyly and then away. Felix apologizing first softened Seungmin’s heart and expression.

“I’m sorry…” Seungmin said back and then looked at Minho. “Sorry for pushing you.”

Felix looked at Seungmin for a moment and then giggled, pressing his hands to his mouth. Both Seungmin and Minho looked at him in confusion.

“Paint on your nose!” Felix pointed to Seungmin’s face.

Seungmin touched his nose and broke into a smile.

“Paint on your cheek!” he pointed back at felix and they both giggled, any hard feelings mended.

Minho was glad they had resolved easily but it was stressful in the moment. Chan came home first to Minho laying on the carpet, Seungmin sitting on his stomach and Felix with his hand on his lap.

“Oh no. What’s going on here?” Chan laughed.

Minho grunted and didn’t open his eyes. Felix was fitting rubber bands they used for bracelets on his fingers and Seungmin was looking through the case balanced on his chest.

“Need to tap out?” Chan asked Minho.

Minho tapped his fingers against the carpet. He loved the two boys playing with him but he was so tired. He was glad Chan was there.

“How is my puppy?” Chan lifted Seungmin off of Minho, making him squeal.

“Minho put me in timeout.” Seungmin immediately informed Chan. Minho opened his eyes to see Seungmin pointing at him and frowning. He looked away as soon as Minho made eye contact.

Chan squeezed him in his arms.

“Were you being naughty?” he asked.

Seungmin fiddled with the rubber bands in his hands, not answering. Chan shook his head in teasing disbelief and set him down.

Minho sat up slowly, letting Felix continue to play with his fingers. Chan sat on the couch.

“Did you look into any more schools?” Chan asked.

“Mm hm.” Minho nodded. “Some have good programs but… they’re far away.”

“There are a lot of options but it can be hard to choose.” Chan nodded. “Don’t stress yourself out too much. In the end it’s making the most of your time wherever you are.”

Minho agreed, watching Felix try to fit a charm onto his finger like a ring.

“Was he okay today?” Chan mouthed to Minho.

He nodded, smiling tiredly. Felix was okay. He was becoming a little more okay every day. Soon he would be good not just okay.

Minho felt a real connection with Felix. He couldn’t explain it fully, he just knew there was something more there. Felix occasionally drew back the curtain for Minho to see. He was so bright when Minho caught his true heart hidden behind his protective bubble around himself. Minho hoped Felix thought Minho was a true friend and protector. 

He got a little opportunity to be there for Felix when it was just them two at home.

“I can get it myself.” Felix said, sliding off of his chair to get a bowl for lunch. It was a simple lunch since Minho didn’t want to cook something elaborate.

Minho focused on cleaning up all the little connector toys him and Seungmin had been playing with earlier from the table. The cupboard slammed behind him with a loud sound.

When he turned back, Felix was standing holding his hand. He turned to look at Minho, his eyes glistening with unshed tears.

“What’s wrong?” Minho asked, his full attention immediately on Felix.

“Owie.” Felix held up his finger which was turning red.

Minho winced, realizing he had closed it in the heavy cupboard drawer. He instinctively reached down to pick Felix up like he would do with Seungmin but he hesitated. Felix blinked up at him, his bottom lip trembling.

“Do you want me to hold you?” Minho asked.

Felix nodded. Even though he didn’t reach up for Minho, he knew it was a yes.

“You’re so brave.” Minho said, lifting him into his arms and patting his back. “But it’s okay to cry.”

A few silent tears wet his shirt as he moved to the couch.

“Can I see?” Minho held Felix on his lap and held his hand out.

Felix held up his finger for Minho to inspect.

“Can you move it like a caterpillar?” Minho asked, imitating bending his finger at the joints.

Felix copied his motion and nodded.

“Your finger will be okay.” Minho smiled. “Do you want me to blow on it?”

Felix nodded again, his wide eyes focused on Minho, all traces of tears gone.

Minho blew on his finger and was overjoyed to see a smile break over Felix’s features. Blowing really did nothing but Felix found it amusing.

“All better!” Minho smiled widely and gently ran his hand over Felix’s hair. He knew Felix struggled internally, but he saw a spark in Felix that he couldn’t ignore.

At dinnertime, Felix proudly held up his finger while they were all eating.

“I got a boo boo.” he announced.

Chan blinked at him in confusion while Seungmin squinted at Felix’s finger.

“But Minho went-.” Felix mimed blowing on his finger and then showed all ten fingers, smiling widely. “All better!”

He wiggled his fingers and looked around at all of them with the sweetest smile on his face, proud of his story. It was the most animated he had been at the dinner table so far.

“That’s great!” Ara smiled back.

Seungmin looked confused, looking at Minho like he was trying to figure something out. Minho winked at him.

That night, Minho carried Seungmin a bit reluctantly from Minho’s room, back to his own. He recently had started to come in and lay on his tummy on Minho’s bed while Minho studied at his desk. He would read aloud and Minho would help him with his pronunciation or understanding.

“Can you do the magic thing?” Seungmin asked when Minho set him down.

“What magic thing?” Minho tilted his head.

“The magic thing you did to Felix.” Seungmin replied, holding out his hand. “Do it to me too.”

Minho laughed and gave Seungmin a high five.

“I just blew on his finger.” he explained. “It didn’t actually do anything.”

Seungmin looked skeptical so Minho grabbed his hand and blew on his finger. Seungmin considered for a moment and then shrugged.

Felix came out of the bathroom a minute later and looked up at Minho.

“Can you do the walking you do with Seungmin on me?” Felix asked once Seungmin had closed the door to the bathroom.

“Walking?” Minho laughed. It was funny they both had requests about the treatment the other received.

“This.” Felix walked two fingers up Minho’s thigh.

“Oh…” Minho nodded; happy Felix had asked. “Yeah, sure!”

Felix lay down in his bed, reaching for his kitty plushie to hug.

“To grow big and strong.” Minho said, gently walking his two fingers up Felix’s leg starting at his feet. “You have to stretch in your sleep! From your toes, all the way to your head!”

He ended his journey at Felix’s shoulder. Felix blinked up at him with his wide brown eyes. Chan always called Felix sunshine. It may seem like an unfitting nickname but Minho thought it was perfect. He was so cute. His small nose and faint freckles dotting his cheeks.

“Now I’ll grow?” Felix asked.

“If you sleep, you will grow.” Minho nodded and gently patted Felix’s hand where it held his plushie. “Goodnight Lix.”

“Goodnight Min.” Felix replied, easily using a nickname.

Minho smiled and stood, giving Seungmin a hug goodnight before leaving the room.

A few years ago, before Seungmin joined their family, Minho would never have considered himself the type of person to enjoy interacting with kids. His experience was so limited he didn’t think about it much.

Over time, starting with Seungmin, Minho had found that he loved to relate to kids more and more. There were so many different ways to approach a little one depending on their personality. It was fascinating and definitely rewarding gaining the trust of a child.

Not only that, Minho had walked through the struggles of both Seungmin and Jeongin. He felt the pride and excitement of sharing their triumphs. It was an experience he cherished.

When Minho returned to his room, he opened his laptop and resumed his search he had started two months ago. He had been thinking of career options now that he was a senior. He had talked with Chan multiple times about all the options but one stuck out more than all the others.

He was drawn to the career title “Child Psychologist”. He was still exploring what it meant, but he liked the requirements the more research he did. He loved getting behind the why of behaviors and he had decided a while ago that working with kids is something he definitely wanted to do. He bounced between being a therapist and psychologist but they went hand in hand so he didn’t have to decide immediately.

The only problem was, the school he had originally planned to go to nearby didn’t have a strong program for psychology. In fact, it didn’t even have its own full department. That left him searching for other schools. But the distance was something he didn’t like. He wanted to stay with his family and friends.

It took a few long talks with both Chan and Ara to finally make a decision. The first thing he did after was call Jisung.

“Where are we going?” Jisung asked, always curious.

“You’ll see.” Minho hid a smile, knowing Jisung would bother him endlessly about the location before they got there.

“This is it?” Jisung asked. He seemed unimpressed. It was just a park. Lit with the warm glow of a few lights scattered around.

“This is why I didn’t tell you.” Minho retorted. “You would complain if you knew.”

Jisung glared at him but unbuckled his seatbelt and followed Minho out.

“Wow… you like, planned this.” Jisung accepted a thick blanket Minho gave him.

“I just had the stuff lying around in the car for whenever we wanted.” Minho shrugged.

“Do you take your friends here often?” Jisung shivered a little in the night air.

“Nope. Just you.” Minho reached in the backseat for one of his hoodies he had left in the car a few days ago.

He took back Jisung’s blanket so the younger boy could pull on his hoodie. It made him sad. Making sure Jisung was okay was just his thing. Handing over his hoodie, picking him up when he had a bad day, or just being there to talk to.

“Don’t laugh at me.” Jisung grumbled, combing down his messy hair with sweater paws.

They lay out the picnic blanket at a spot on the grass where it was mostly dark and they could see the stars.

“This reminds me of when I went camping with Hyunjin and Changbin.” Jisung said, holding his hand up like he could touch the stars.

Minho lay down beside him, resting his head on his hand. They were quiet for a little while before Jisung turned his head to look over at him.

“You’re making me nervous.” Jisung said and his voice was a little weak.

“Why?” Minho asked with a laugh.

“I feel like you brought me out here to tell me something bad.” Jisung answered.

“Can’t I just want to look at the stars with you?” Minho asked, but he knew he had another motive as well.

“Okay.” Jisung turned his head back.

Minho spent a good minute struggling with how to talk to Jisung.

“Do you remember when I left?” Minho asked softly.

“Mm…” Jisung hummed. “That was terrible.”

“We’re still best friends even though we got split apart.” Minho pointed out.

“You can’t get away from me.” Jisung teased.

Minho faltered again, not saying what he wanted to say. 

“I’ve been thinking a lot about me going to college.” he started slowly. “I…”

It was so hard with Jisung right there next to him. He could already feel the impending heartbreak. But it had to be done.

“You’ll still wait for me, right?” Jisung asked, shifting so he was on his side, his hands tucked under his cheek as he looked at Minho. “I want us to be roommates. Just once.”

“I want to move away for college.” Minho finally said, afraid to look at Jisung.

Silence was only punctuated by the slight hum of bugs in the night air.

“What?”

“I don’t think I want to stay here.” Minho finally turned his head to make eye contact with Jisung. 

“Why…” Jisung’s eyes searched Minho’s. “Everything is here. Your family, school… me.”

“I want to go to a different school. One where I can pursue psychology.” Minho replied.

“You… want to leave me?” Jisung whispered. “For psychology…”

“It’s not you.” Minho replied and winced when it came out wrong. “I want to pursue a career I feel passionate about and do something I love. I can’t do that here.”

Jisung shifted his gaze downwards, away from Minho.

“I know it’s hard to understand but… it’s something I have to do.” Minho whispered.

“I didn’t know you didn’t want to stay here.” Jisung answered softly.

“It’s not like that.” Minho shook his head. “I want to stay here but I know I won’t be able to pursue my passion here.”

“You’re right.” Jisung looked at him again. “I don’t understand. I could never just leave.”

“We’re different Jisung.” Minho reminded him. “Our lives sometimes run in different directions.”

“And you’re okay with that?” Jisung asked, sounding so hurt that Minho wanted to take it all back.

“I know that’s the way things are sometimes.” Minho replied. “I can’t change it.”

“You’re the one making the decision.” Jisung’s eyebrows drew together.

Minho stayed quiet for a minute. He knew Jisung wouldn’t respond well but he had to get it over with at some point.

“I thought I was your best friend.” Jisung said, a tiny bit accusatory.

“You are my best friend.” Minho hastily affirmed. “That isn’t changed by my decision.”

“I would never leave you when you needed me.” Jisung whispered, his eyes reflecting the light from the moon.

“You’ll be just fine without me.” Minho tried to give him a small smile.

“Don’t- say that.” Jisung squeezed his eyes shut. “You don’t know what I need.”

“I know you want me to stay but-.”

“Everyone is leaving me!” Jisung blurted out.

Minho froze for a minute. Jisung blinked back tears.

“Who’s leaving you?” Minho frowned.

“Changbin’s already leaving, Hyunjin will go next year and now you!” Jisung answered.

“That’s what happens. We’re all growing up.” Minho replied. “It’s just reality.”

“I hate reality.” Jisung mumbled, brushing away his tears.

Minho hated when Jisung cried. Knowing he had caused it made it feel even worse.

“I’ll spend every day I can with you before I go.” Minho tried to promise.

Jisung rolled onto his back and then his other side so his back was to Minho.

“Please don’t be like that, Jisung.” Minho reached out and touched his back. Jisung tensed under his touch.

“It’s upsetting for me too so… don’t make it harder on me.” Minho asked, almost pleading.

“I thought we would be together forever.” Jisung sniffled quietly.

“We will. Even if I go away for a little bit.” Minho said.

Jisung shook his head, still refusing to face him.

“You’ll go away and never come back. I know how it works.” Jisung said bitterly.

Minho was quiet for a minute and then he sat up, leaning over Jisung and touching his shoulder. Jisung tried to cover his face but Minho pulled his hand down.

“I promise I will come back for you.” he said with conviction. “I won’t disappear Jisung.”

Jisung blinked up at him shyly.

“You really promise?”

“Yes, and I never break my promise.” Minho nodded firmly.

It wasn’t as easy as just promising and everything resolving itself. Jisung and Minho spent a long time talking through things. Some points, Jisung couldn’t let go of. Others he could understand. It was a process Minho realized. 

In a way, saying goodbye was a process. It couldn’t be solved so easily. It wasn’t easy for either party. 

After Minho dropped Jisung off at home, he felt the weight of the decision he had made begin to really hit him. It was different to advocate for himself and then begin to realize it was really happening.

Chan was washing dishes when he got home.

“Hey, I was staying up for you.” Chan commented. “You’re past curfew. Is everything…”

Minho headed straight for Chan and hugged him. All of the sadness and disappointment and insecurity finally bubbled over.

“Did you tell him tonight?” Chan caught on quickly, rubbing his back.

“I’m such an awful friend!” Minho cried. “Why did I think it would be okay? Why did I think this was a good idea?”

“You’re not-.” Chan pulled Minho closer with a sigh. “It’s okay Min. You did the right thing.”

“I feel like a terrible person!” Minho sniffled. “How can I leave you and Mom a-and everyone?”

“Hey.” Chan gently placed his hands on Minho’s shoulders and drew him back to look him in the eyes. “You made a decision that you’ve spent a lot of time and thought on. You may feel wrong right now but it’s normal to feel that way when there are emotions involved.”

“Did I do the right thing?” Minho asked, looking at Chan, hoping for confirmation.

“You’re doing something you feel most passionate about.” Chan said, moving his hands to brush away Minho’s tears. “Not many people have something they’re willing to fight for so strongly.”

“But is it worth giving up my family?” Minho whispered.

“Who said you’re giving us up?” Chan asked. “You’ll always have us, even if you traveled across oceans!”

“It just feels so hard right now.” Minho admitted.

“That’s what we’re here for.” Chan looked at Minho sincerely, a soft smile on his face. “This is how you know you won’t lose us as a family. Because we’re here for you when things are hard.”

Minho released a shaky breath.

“I promise you; things will seem less turbulent in the morning.” Chan smiled. “I’m here to help you. Every step of the way.”

Minho nodded. He had learned that when things got really bad, he just had to wait it out for the light at the end of the tunnel. He knew from experience that there was hope from rock bottom if he could just cling to the little that he had.

He was glad Chan and Ara were supportive of his decision. At least he had them cheering him on. And Jisung was getting there. He didn’t expect Seungmin to be his biggest challenge.

“I really don’t have time right now.” Minho groaned when Seungmin came in his room. It had been a long day and he still had a long list of things to accomplish by the end of the night. “I’m really busy.”

He looked up to see Seungmin reach up and roughly yank his processors from his ears. He sniffled as he fumbled with the right one, harshly throwing it onto the floor. He struggled with the other one, a few tears slipping out as he yanked it hard enough to hurt.

Minho was at his side in a flash, gently covering his hands with his own to stop him from hurting himself. As soon as Seungmin wasn’t hearing, he fell into Minho’s embrace. 

Minho rubbed his back, letting him cry out all the emotions of the day. 

“Please don’t say anything.” Seungmin asked. “I don’t want to hear anything.”

Minho obeyed his request. Some days were really frustrating for him at school. He usually came to Minho for comfort. Seungmin just had a bond with Minho that spanned a lot of emotional history.

He sat on the floor with his back against his bed and let Seungmin sit next to him, his head on Minho’s shoulder. Seungmin had never asked Minho not to talk so he wasn’t sure what kind of situation he was dealing with.

“Today… my teacher made me read in front of the class.” Seungmin said. “I… I did my very best but… some words were so hard and I got nervous. I made some mistakes.”

Minho stayed still, letting him tell about his day.

“When I sat down, my classmates were talking about me.” Seungmin traced patterns on Minho’s thigh with his finger. “They said I should go to a special school because I’m dumb. They said… it’s because I’m deaf that I’m so bad at school.”

Minho was always a protective person. But especially when it came to his younger brothers. Hearing the way Seungmin had been treated lit a fire of anger in his chest.

“You’re not bad at school.” Minho shook his head. Seungmin was an exceptional student. He sometimes struggled with reading and application, but everyone had an academic struggle in some area.

He forgot Seungmin couldn’t hear him at the moment. Seungmin must have sensed he was talking because he reached up to cover Minho’s mouth.

“I don’t want to hear anymore.” he said with conviction. “All I hear are bad things.”

Minho pulled his hand from his mouth and moved Seungmin to look at him.

“What happened to my Seungmin?” he asked, being sure to speak clearly so Seungmin could read his lips.

“What do you mean…” Seungmin frowned.

“My Seungmin loves to hear.” Minho said. “My Seungmin loves going to school because it’s fun. And he’s not stupid at all. In fact, he won a math award last week!”

“That math award wasn’t that great.” Seungmin grumbled. “I’m still bad at reading.”

“So? I’m good at soccer, but not baseball. Is there anything wrong with that?” Minho asked.

Seungmin shrugged.

“Those other kids don’t know how hard you’ve been working, do they?” Minho fixed Seungmin with a strong gaze. “Why do they get to make you feel bad?”

“I don’t know…” Seungmin replied. 

Minho retrieved Seungmin’s processors and handed them to him. 

“I think these are awesome. Don’t let them take away something awesome from you!” Minho encouraged him. “You deserve these.”

Seungmin stared at him for a moment and then leaned forward to take them from his hand.

“If they say anything else, you come tell me or a teacher right away.” Minho told him. “And please be gentle Minnie. I don’t want you to hurt yourself.”

He carefully turned Seungmin’s head to look at his ear. It was a little red from his harsh treatment but nothing too bad.

“Okay.” Seungmin nodded solemnly and then offered Minho a shy smile.

Minho pulled him into a hug. Seungmin was such a good kid. He was sensitive at times. To the point where Minho worried about him a bit. But he also knew Seungmin had a good heart and an unbreakable spirit.

“It’s just not fair that he works so hard and those other kids can get away with saying whatever!” Minho paced the kitchen angrily in front of Chan.

“Minho-.” Chan started.

“Have you talked to his teachers?” Minho turned to face him. “Have you told them to discipline those kids?”

“It’s not that simple Minho.” Chan tried to calm him down.

“It is that simple!” Minho shot back. “Seungmin is going to have way more bullies out there! It’s our job to protect him!”

“I know it’s hard to hear, but some of the things he had to learn is how to survive on his own.” Chan said. “His teachers can’t monitor every interaction.”

“Well they can at least try!” Minho responded. “I feel like I’m the only one worried about him! Do you not care if those kids say mean things to him?”

“That’s not fair.” Chan frowned. “I want the best for him but I also recognize that not every harmful word or action can be blocked.”

“What is he supposed to do when I’m gone?” Minho challenged. “Who’s going to make sure he’s okay when I leave in a few months?”

“He’ll still have us.” Chan answered.

“You have enough issues to manage with Felix!” Minho gestured harshly. “Seungmin doesn’t have anyone on his team except for me! And I’ll be gone soon!”

“Minho, you know that’s not true and you know I don’t favorize any one of you over the other.” Chan frowned.

“I’m just worried.” Minho stepped back a little bit. “I don’t know what he’s going to do without me.”

“I know he relies on you a lot.” Chan nodded. “But he’s growing up and he’s starting to expand his peer group, his friendships… as much as I hate to say it, it’s natural for him to become less attached as time goes on.”

“But is he ready?” Minho asked.

“You’re leaving?”

A little voice cut through their argument and Minho’s heart skipped a beat as he turned to see Seungmin in his pajamas but his processors in his ears.

“It’s late.” Chan tried to sweep it under the rug quickly. Minho hadn’t planned on telling Seungmin yet. “You’re supposed to be in bed.”

“I couldn’t sleep so… where are you going?” Seungmin frowned up at Minho.

“Nowhere important.” Minho tried to hide it too.

“You said you were leaving me.” Seungmin refused to drop the subject. He looked so confused.

“Not right now.” Minho stepped forward, reaching to lift Seungmin but the little boy drew away from him.

“When?” Seungmin asked seriously.

“We can talk about it in the morning.” Chan lifted Seungmin into his arms.

“Are you going away forever?” Seungmin asked, trying to wriggle out of Chan’s hold.

“No Minnie, I just…” Minho’s heart sank.

Little kids were smart. Seungmin knew something wasn’t right. Minho could see in his eyes that a hint of doubt towards Minho was woken inside of Seungmin. It hurt a lot.

It hurt to hear him ask Chan as he carried him upstairs, confusion laced in his voice. Minho sunk down into a chair and buried his face in his hands. Why was life so hard? Why was growing up so difficult?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I hope it was fun to see a little bit of almost all the interactions! We had Felix, Seungmin, Chan, Jisung… Minho is modeled a bit heavily after one of my best friends who works with me and is amazing with kids! I learn a lot from him and he’s even younger than me! Not that age has anything to do with sensibility! Shoutout to him for helping me learn many different ways to relate to kids that may be different than my first instinct! I would love if you all let me know how you like the dynamics between characters! I am trying to determine POV’s for pt. 4 right now…. I know, I never stop, oops! It’s just fun!


	5. Changbin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My least favorite chapter so far lol. Also sorry for being late, I am struggling just a tiny bit right now! Jeongin goes through a lot in this chapter but it's mostly set up for Hyunjin chapter which flows right after this one. Enjoy!

Saying Changbin was tired was an understatement. He adored his boys, but they kept him on his toes constantly. He was constantly having to hustle them together for sports games, school events, therapy sessions and all kinds of extracurricular activities. He was so relieved when summer came and cut out school and the related activities.

The older two boys were becoming independent, which Changbin both appreciated and hated. He was glad they could entertain themselves, drive themselves mostly and take more responsibility, but he also felt sad. Especially since college was coming up.

He mentioned it to Misun and she shared his sentiment, though she was more logical about it. It wasn’t like they would be gone forever.

He spent as much time as he could with his boys, treasuring the time. But he was still very busy, especially now he had Jeongin as well.

Just as their lives were continuing in a steady rhythm, Hyunjin’s was turned upside down and Changbin was left struggling to hold everything together.

Changbin and Misun took Hyunjin to the hospital again. Changbin knew Hyunjin was scared so he tried everything he could to comfort the boy. Misun even held his hand in the waiting room.

In all honesty he was worried himself. He had no idea what could be causing Hyunjin’s seizures and he didn’t take them lightly. If they were signs of a more serious underlying illness, they needed to treat them immediately. He didn’t express any of this to Hyunjin though, staying endlessly positive for the frightened boy.

The doctor asked Hyunjin and him many questions, also doing another simple checkup on Hyunjin. He did his best with the limited information Changbin was able to provide. They could identify the warning signs of his seizures and some of the lingering effects as his body calmed, but Changbin wasn’t positive on how long each seizure lasted since he hadn’t really been present for all of them. In the end, the doctor walked them through what to do if he experienced another one and how to monitor them yet again while giving them a diagnosis.

When they got the diagnosis Hyunjin had tried really hard to be brave. Epilepsy was something neither Changbin or Misun were familiar with but they had to learn about it in depth. Every case of epilepsy affected people differently. Changbin was shocked to learn that some people with epilepsy could have multiple seizures per day. Hyunjin’s were spread out at most once a week but he knew they could change.

The cause of his epilepsy wasn’t perfectly pinpointed but some research revealed his family history of having epilepsy. Changbin was just trying to prepare himself for living life differently because of their now identified condition.

The night Hyunjin had gotten the diagnosis he was silent on the way home from the hospital. Changbin stopped by to pick up his medication and Hyunjin just stared out the car window blankly. Changbin asked if he was okay and he responded that he was fine.

He lasted all night until bed being stoic and reserved. Around midnight Changbin was woken by Jisung because Hyunjin had a nightmare. Changbin wasn’t surprised with his current stress.

He held him as he cried, finally letting himself feel all of the fear and uncertainty of the future. Changbin ended up sleeping in his bed, letting him cuddle close in consolation.

He knew they had a long journey to walk. Though many people with epilepsy recovered and were seizure free with medicine, it was a process. Changbin just prayed it would be as smooth as possible for Hyunjin.

He changed his routine to match Hyunjin’s once everything had settled down. He made sure Hyunjin was on a specifically healthy diet and went to bed on time. He worried constantly about his safety when he wasn’t nearby. Though his seizures so far had been few and spread out, he jumped to the worst-case scenario naturally.

With both Changbin and Misun worrying over him, Hyunjin was more than taken care of him.

On the other hand, he tried to encourage Hyunjin to live his life as normally as possible. Hyunjin had been nervous to go out after his seizure at the store but Changbin urged him to go out and enjoy the summer while taking necessary precautions.

He was glad they still had more than half of the summer left to figure things out. He secretly asked Jisung to stick by Hyunjin's side when they did go out. He took his role in ensuring Hyunjin’s safety very seriously.

They learned how to respond when a seizure occurred and even Minho had asked Changbin and Misun to teach him what to do.

Changbin watched Hyunjin like a hawk in the week following though he tried to be subtle about it. Misun had to remind him not to hover over him and make him uncomfortable. Hyunjin was already worried enough, even declining going out with the boys. Changbin started to feel confident he wouldn’t get them regularly as time went on.

Until they went to the store. They had just run to the store to get some snacks for movie night. Hyunjin had offered to go with Changbin, not seeming worried at all. Changbin supposed he could have paid more attention to the warning signs, but he expected Hyunjin to tell him when he was feeling one approaching.

Hyunjin grew quiet but Changbin assumed it was just him being quiet in general. Until he started to get a vacant look in his eyes. Changbin reacted quickly, grabbing him as his body started to tense up initially. He cringed laying Hyunjin down on the hard floor of the store.

His brain went into protective mode and he remembered everything the doctor had told him. Immediately he started his stopwatch to time the seizure and shrugged off his jacket, slipping it under Hyunjin’s head.

Hyunjin released a small choked noise and Changbin quickly crossed one arm over his chest. Then he pushed his knee up and rolled him onto his side.

“Do you need help?” A store worker stopped in their aisle, worried.

“He’s having a seizure.” Changbin answered, his focus on Hyunjin. “He’ll be okay.”

The store worker still stood watching worriedly as Changbin rubbed Hyunjin’s shoulder as he was calming down from the seizure. Changbin stopped his timer and waited as Hyunjin regained awareness.

It was the worst timing to have a seizure right there in the store but Changbin had to make the best of the situation. Hyunjin’s safety and wellbeing was his top priority.

“Can I get you anything?” The store employee asked kindly.

“I think we’re okay.” Changbin replied. “Thank you. It’s over now.”

He leaned down so Hyunjin could see him.

“You just had a seizure.” he explained slowly, his hands brushing across Hyunjin’s cheek. “It’s over now and I’m right here with you.”

Hyunjin’s brown eyes looked so scared and vulnerable they tugged on Changbin’s heartstrings. He couldn’t bear when one of his kids was struggling. Hyunjin blinked slowly, his hand coming up a fraction on the floor. Changbin slid his thumb under Hyunjin’s palm, the rest of his hand covering Hyunjin’s smaller one.

“Can you tell me where you are?” he asked. The doctor had given him questions to ask to gauge Hyunjin’s mental capacity and if the seizure was over. Only when he could answer the questions did he feel comfortable moving Hyunjin.

“A-at the store.” Hyunjin’s eyes darted around.

“We’re at the store.” Changbin nodded. “Do you know who I am?”

“My dad.” Hyunjin replied. Changbin’s heart melted as he gave him their relationship, not just his name.

“That’s right.” Changbin smiled. “And your name is?”

“Hyunjin.” he whispered. 

To Changbin’s shock, Hyunjin’s eyes filled with tears and he brought his hand up to cover his face. He was ashamed to have had a seizure in public with people watching him.

“It’s okay sweetheart.” Changbin lifted him so he could hug him.

Hyunjin hid his face in Changbin’s chest and his tears soaked into his shirt. He was still shaking a little bit but it was from the anxiety and fear that came with having a scary experience.

“You’re safe.” Changbin stroked the back of his head. “It’s all over.”

“I want to go home.” Hyunjin mumbled after calming down for a little bit.

“We’ll go home.” Changbin rubbed his back and retrieved his jacket from the floor. He sent a grateful nod towards the slightly shaken store employee.

Hyunjin kept his head down and his arm around Changbin as they left the store, embarrassed and feeling fragile. Changbin felt bad he had to have a traumatic experience outside of the safety and familiarity of their home.

As soon as they got in the car, Hyunjin burst into tears.

“Oh Hyunjin…” Changbin’s heart broke a little as he leaned over in his seat and hugged him again. “I’m so sorry sweetheart. I should have noticed sooner.”

“Why is something wrong with me?” Hyunjin sobbed. 

“I don’t know.” Changbin felt his heart squeeze empathetically. “But we’ll get through it together, okay? The seizure medication takes some adjusting.”

“I’m scared!” Hyunjin cried, clutching Changbin tightly. “It’s so scary!”

“I know it’s scary.” Changbin tried to comfort him. “You are so brave. You did such a good job even though it was scary.”

Changbin was at a loss for how to offer reassurance to the distraught boy. It was scary. He was going through something many kids his age didn’t have to worry about. He had already been through so much, Changbin just wanted to protect him.

Misun felt the same way because, as soon as they got home and Changbin explained in brief why they were empty handed, she grabbed Hyunjin by the wrist and led him to the couch. She promptly wrapped a blanket around him and gave him a big hug. She didn’t say anything but Changbin knew Hyunjin could feel her care and concern.

Jeongin stared at Hyunjin with wide eyes, shocked that he was crying. When Jisung tried to lead him away he evaded his grasp and went to Hyunjin. He tentatively put his hands on Hyunjin’s knees and looked at him worriedly.

“Don’t cry.” he said softly. “I’ll give you kisses to make it better.”

Hyunjin laughed through his tears and pulled Jeongin into a hug.

“I feel a lot better now. Thank you.” he replied.

Changbin spent the next three days getting Hyunjin everything he needed, most importantly the medication his doctor prescribed. He brought home ice cream that night so they could have Hyunjin’s favorite ice cream sundaes. It wasn’t what Changbin had expected. Life kept going even with the diagnosis.

Jeongin on the other hand was starting to have his first setbacks in their process of healing his food insecurity. They decided now that Jeongin was declining some snack times, they would cut one out of the schedule completely. The goal was to slowly bring him back to regular meals.

But Jeongin seemed to panic as soon as they cut out one snack time. He didn’t understand what was happening since it was hard for Changbin and Ara to explain, though they did their best. Jeongin compensated for missing snack time by eating more at other times.

During meal times, he tried to serve his plate full of as much food as one of the other boys would eat. His small body obviously did not need that much fuel. Changbin and Ara were a bit flexible in restricting how much he ate because they didn’t want to push him into food hoarding on accident.

They let him load his plate extremely full because he ended up leaving food behind in the end. It was still hard to watch. Jeongin liked to stand in the kitchen while Changbin or Misun cooked, like a puppy, his small hands sometimes reaching up to receive a tidbit. To take his mind off of just waiting, Changbin tried to include Jeongin in the cooking process, letting him stir things or cut soft things with a blunt knife.

On Friday night, Jeongin watched Changbin make pizza. He hadn’t made homemade pizza in a long time. Jeongin stood on a chair on the opposite side of the counter, leaning his tummy on the granite to watch.

Changbin extended an olive to him. Jeongin’s hands were tucked under his belly so he just opened his mouth. It made Changbin smile as he fed him.

“Do you want to try a mushroom?” he asked.

Jeongin nodded eagerly but Changbin slid it to him in a napkin.

“If you don’t like it, you can spit it out.” Changbin let him know.

Jeongin inspected it for a moment before taking a small bite. He made a face and spit it back into the napkin, folding up the offending item. Changbin laughed and tossed it in the trash.

“They taste better when they’re cooked.” Changbin assured him.

“There’s my little fox!” Jisung hugged Jeongin from behind and lifted him into the air. Jeongin squealed excitedly.

“Can I have kisses?” Jisung stood him on the chair again.

Jeongin squished Jisung’s cheeks with his hands.

“Mochi, mochi!” he said, patting Jisung’s cheeks.

“That’s a new one.” Changbin laughed. “Who taught him that?”

“Changbin.” Jisung rolled his eyes. “Come on! I want a real kiss!”

Jeongin scrunched up his nose like he couldn’t be bothered but gave Jisung a quick kiss.  
Changbin’s heart was happy watching them. He was blessed with the four sweetest boys he could ever imagine.

He knew Jisung was having a hard time since his future plans with Minho had been shattered overnight. He was still feeling down about it and it showed in his lackluster energy. Changbin couldn’t do much to comfort him though. In those type of situations, it was up to him to reset himself back on track.

Jeongin ate a full two pieces of pizza that night, stubbornly avoiding the mushroom slices. When Changbin put him to bed, he whined of a tummy ache a little but went to bed quickly.

Two days later, Changbin felt worried again seeing Jeongin repeatedly reaching for more food at dinner. It had been a hard day and Jeongin was going further than usual, his cheeks constantly full.

After dinner, Jeongin was in a mood.

“Can you hold me?” Jeongin whined, leaning his head against Changbin’s thigh as he washed the dishes.

“In a minute bud.” Changbin patted his head with a dry hand.

Jeongin made a whining noise again and wrapped his arms around Changbin’s leg. It was odd for him to be fussy after eating. Unless he was tired.

“Are you feeling sleepy?” Changbin checked.

“My tummy hurts.” he got in response, though it came out in a mumble.

“Did you eat enough?” Changbin looked down to make sure he wasn’t hungry. Even though it seemed Jeongin had eaten quite a lot, he never wanted Jeongin to feel food wasn’t available. Just asking reassured him it was there when he needed.

“Yes, but I…” Jeongin detached himself from Changbin and looked like he was concentrating. “I…”

Changbin should have seen it coming with how Jeongin had rushed himself in eating. He just was so focused on Jeongin feeling like he wasn’t being restricted then too that he was a bit lax on portion control.

“Oh- honey…” Changbin immediately crouched down and rubbed Jeongin’s back after he threw up on the kitchen floor. His small body shuddered again as he rid himself of the food he had crammed in his stomach earlier.

“It’s okay.” Changbin reached up to grab a napkin and gently wiped Jeongin’s mouth when he thought he was done.

He maneuvered Jeongin away from the mess and pulled him into a hug. He knew Jeongin needed comfort. It was traumatic for a small child, or anyone really, when they pushed their limits and suffered the consequence.

Changbin didn’t say anything about the incident. He didn’t scold him for eating too much, too fast. He just reassured him that he was going to be okay. It was what Jeongin needed to hear.

“Tummy hurts.” Jeongin pressed his hand against his stomach when Changbin drew back from the hug.

“Do you need to throw up again?” Changbin rubbed his arm soothingly.

“I don’t know…” Jeongin answered, his face looking worried.

“It’s okay if you do and okay if you don’t.” Changbin gently tucked his hair behind his ear. “Whatever makes you feel better, okay honey?”

Luckily, Jeongin didn’t throw up again. His stomach just hurt from the trauma it went through in such a short period of time.

Changbin passed Jeongin to Hyunjin for a little bit as he cleaned up the kitchen and got Jeongin a pair of pajamas to change into so he would feel comfortable.

“Do you want to pick out a story to read, or do you want me to pick one?” Changbin asked once they were getting ready for bedtime. He was trying to create a sense of normalcy for Jeongin even though he had an incident. 

He wouldn’t benefit from Changbin sitting and talking him through his boundaries. He needed to learn them for himself. Changbin was there to be the comfort and support and help him move forward.

“You pick.” Jeongin pointed to him as he got into bed with his fox plushie.

“How about this one?” Changbin settled in next to him and opened the book.

Less than a minute into reading, Jeongin tugged on his sleeve lightly.

“Mm hm?” Changbin hummed.

“Tomorrow, will you make breakfast?” Jeongin asked, his familiar worried tone of voice present again.

“I will.” Changbin nodded. “I’m making pancakes. Does that sound good?”

“Are you making them for me?” Jeongin blinked up at him with his doe eyes that melted Changbin every time.

“I’m making them for you.” Changbin reassured him and tapped his nose. “For Hyunjin, and Jisung, and you!”

Changbin reassured Jeongin that he would be fed more times than he could count. It had become a habit for Jeongin to come to him and ask when the next meal was. Or what it was. Or make sure he got to eat it.

At first, Changbin wanted to curb Jeongin’s obsession. He wanted to get him to ask less, or not feed into his constant questions and discussions since it felt unhealthy. But he had to remind himself that it was unhealthy and it stemmed from a restriction. He needed to allow Jeongin space to obsess and worry and process before they could move forward.

After reading, Changbin carried Jeongin downstairs so he could show him the items for pancakes in the refrigerator, as well as checking his shelf and drawer again. It made him content enough to sleep so Changbin felt better about it.

Each day, Changbin had to have renewed patience. He loved Jeongin and only wanted the best for him, but sometimes, he felt the strain starting to wear on him. He became weary of the constant food awareness and having to be on a strict schedule. But still he persisted because he loved Jeongin more than he loved his routine.

“Daddy, what is this cat?” Jeongin asked as they lay on the carpet in the living room playing with the animal toys Seungmin had gifted them.

“It’s not a cat.” Changbin corrected after looking at the toy he held out. “It’s a desert fox. Look at its ears.”

“Oh…” Jeongin inspected it carefully, probably connecting it to the nickname Jisung had given him. “This is my new favorite animal.”

Changbin smiled and then checked his watch.

“Do you want to take a break for snack time?” Changbin asked. He stuck faithfully to the schedule.

“Um… okay.” Jeongin looked a little reluctant to leave his toys but he stood and followed Changbin to the kitchen.

“We have lots of options.” Changbin scanned the pantry. “Do you want a granola bar, or gummies, or veggies?”

Jeongin shifted back and forth on his feet deciding.

“I’m… not hungry right now.” He finally said, almost seeming unsure of himself.

Changbin looked down at him, surprised and feeling a little thrill of happiness that Jeongin recognized not being hungry as his boundary. It was a step they had fallen back from but now they were regaining progress.

“That’s okay. If you get hungry just tell me.” Changbin moved to close the pantry but Jeongin caught the door and looked nervous again.

“I want a granola bar!” he blurted out.

Changbin tried to gauge how Jeongin was feeling but it was hard.

“Here you go.” Changbin handed one to him. Jeongin still didn’t look happy at his action. He fidgeted, glancing between Changbin and then granola bar in his hands. Changbin thought he understood.

“If you aren’t hungry then you don’t have to eat it.” Changbin repeated. “You can carry it with you though.”

It didn’t cross over the line into Jeongin collecting food so Changbin thought it was okay. It made Jeongin look relieved almost instantly and he ran back to the living room to start playing again.

By the time dinner came around, the granola bar still lay on the carpet, untouched. It wouldn’t have bothered Changbin if he had eaten it, but it made him glad Jeongin hadn’t felt pressured to.

Jeongin was making big steps and it was amazing to see. He was really thriving even though there would be the occasional day where everything seemed to be tear filled.

Changbin was glad to see Jeongin had made a new friend too. Seungmin and Jeongin had slowly became friends even though they were a few years apart.

Seungmin and Jeongin were very different. Seungmin was wholeheartedly focused on expending the most energy and pursuing the most entertaining activities as possible at all times of the day. Jeongin was much more subdued.

Seungmin had a vibrant imagination and he loved to pull others into his fantasies. Half of the time Jeongin and him were together, he would be pulling Jeongin along by his arm in one direction or another. Or he would be explaining an idea or telling a story using his hands and talking animatedly.

Jeongin followed along eagerly but was much quieter, much more hesitant, and more prone to getting his feelings hurt. He actually got along very well with Felix. In a sense, they loved analytical play like puzzles, drawing, and constructing. Seungmin did as well, but he preferred communication and dramatic play. Since he was older, he loved doing grand scale things that sometimes Felix and Jeongin couldn’t keep up with.

But he adjusted well, or made whatever they ended up doing fun for himself in his own special way.

Jeongin was feeling like engaging much at all that day. In a sense he was just doing onlooker play. He cuddled up with Changbin on the couch while Seungmin kept playing by himself, mostly bothering Chan who was trying to talk to Changbin. He seemed tired and didn’t want to play with Seungmin much. Felix had gotten tired of playing with Seungmin and Jeongin after his connectable tower was destroyed a few too many times on accident.

“I was just thinking- ah bleck!” Chan shook his head as Seungmin tried to cover his mouth while he was talking. He squealed in delight while Chan suffered.

“I don’t want to know all the things your hands have touched today.” Chan gave a half fake, half serious glare to Seungmin. “Go wash your hands and don’t-.”

Chan caught his hand as he tried again.

“Seungmin.” He warned, his tone of voice changing.

Changbin watched with slight amusement. Seungmin was such a firecracker. The older he grew the more energy he seemed to have. Sometimes he felt sympathy for Chan having to deal with a child with fully charged batteries seemingly at all times.

“Come play with me!” Seungmin turned his attention to Jeongin who was just chilling next to Changbin. Jeongin smiled shyly but hid his face in Changbin’s arm.

“Why are you so snuggly today?” Changbin laughed, lifting Jeongin onto his lap so he could hug him. Jeongin lay his head against Changbin’s chest, watching Seungmin quietly.

Changbin caught a hint of longing pass over Chan’s face when looking at them. Felix was playing on the carpet, completely content on his own.

Jeongin sneezed suddenly, making Changbin jump. Seungmin laughed.

“Wow buddy! You startled me.” Changbin laughed.

Jeongin just lay against Changbin. His usual energy dimmed for some reason. When Chan and his crew left, Jeongin was still acting off.

“Hey bud.” Changbin came and lifted Jeongin into his arms. “Are you tired?”

Jeongin shook his head but rubbed his eyes and then lay his head on Changbin’s shoulder, sniffling a little.

“It’s snack time.” Changbin took him to the kitchen but Jeongin didn’t perk up at the thought of food. He didn’t respond when Changbin listed off the options.

“Do you want apple slices?” Changbin asked, patting his back.

Jeongin shook his head.

“Maybe a rice cake?” Changbin moved to pull one out of the pantry.

Jeongin whined, shaking his head again and then burying his face in the side of Changbin’s neck. Maybe he wasn’t hungry. His forehead felt especially warm where it pressed against Changbin’s neck.

“Are you feeling yucky?” Changbin gently pulled Jeongin away from him a bit so he could feel his forehead. Jeongin nodded and pouted his bottom lip out.

“Tummy or head?” Changbin asked, noting his eyes were a little droopy with fatigue.

Jeongin lay back against him in response. Changbin rubbed his back, heading upstairs to his room. He would try to get Jeongin to nap.

He sat down in the rocking chair in the corner of Jeongin’s room, letting the boy lay against him. Hopefully he could fall asleep that way. Jeongin sneezed again, shifting around on Changbin’s lap to get comfortable. A half hour passed and Jeongin was still awake as ever, just grumpier and more restless.

He whined when Changbin wiped his nose with a tissue and checked his forehead again.

“I think you have a cold, baby.” Changbin gently smoothed Jeongin’s hair away from his forehead.

“Feel yucky.” Jeongin mumbled, this time coughing a little. “Head hurts.”

“I’m sorry.” Changbin pressed gentle kisses to his hot forehead.

“I want mommy.” he asked.

“She’ll be home any minute now.” Changbin told him, looking at his watch.

Sure enough, she appeared in the doorway not too much later. 

“What are you two doing in here?” Misun smiled.

“Hold me.” Jeongin reached his arms out for her.

“I think he’s a little tired of me.” Changbin transferred Jeongin to her. “And he’s not feeling the best.”

“Daddy’s too hot.” Jeongin said, coughing a little. His hair stuck to his forehead a bit since he had been too hot laying against Changbin and sharing his heat.

“I think you’re the one who’s hot.” Changbin felt his forehead again as Misun held him. “I think he has a fever. I’ll go get the thermometer.”

Misun nodded and took his place in the chair.

At almost midnight, Misun came to Changbin for help.

“I’m sorry.” Changbin rubbed his eyes and sat up. He had fallen asleep with his clothes on, just laying on his back sideways on their bed. “I didn’t mean to fall asleep. What time is it?”

“It’s almost midnight and I can’t get him down.” Misun looked exhausted. “I think he has the flu.”

“I’ll take over.” Changbin stood and headed down the hall.

As soon as he entered the room, Jeongin’s head popped up to look at him from where he was in his bed. He must have kicked off the covers since they were bunched up at the foot of his bed.

“It’s so late bud.” Changbin sat next to him on the side of the bed. “Still feeling sick?”

Jeongin coughed and lay miserably looking at Changbin. He still had a fever. Changbin worried about him having the flu. He was still a young child and his immune system wasn’t the strongest because of how behind he was growth wise.

Jisung was mostly emotional when sick, and Hyunjin just slept it all out. Jeongin was a mix. A little grumpy, definitely emotional but struggling to sleep.

At one in the morning, Changbin and Misun decided they had enough. Jeongin was wearing himself out coughing and crying and his fever refused to break. Changbin woke up the other boys to let them know they would be taking him to the hospital.

Hyunjin wanted to go with them and Changbin let him. He seemed terribly worried about Jeongin.

Luckily, the doctor assured them there was nothing else wrong with Jeongin other than a nasty flu. The doctor decided to keep him until morning just to make sure he had proper care. Finally Jeongin was able to fall asleep in the early hours of the morning.

Hyunjin wandered off to the restroom but ended up being gone longer than Changbin would expect. He headed into the hallway, wondering where he had gone off to.

He found him crouched on the ground, petting a dog of all things. It was a golden retriever. Hyunjin was speaking to who Changbin assumed was the owner. Satisfied that Hyunjin was alright, he headed back to Jeongin.

They got home at seven in the morning and Changbin was absolutely exhausted. Jeongin slept the whole way home, head resting against the side of his carseat. Changbin was glad it was the weekend. He planned to sleep for twenty-four hours straight.

Jisung greeted them when they got home, coming to see Jeongin who was still asleep in Changbin’s arms.

“If you wake him up, I swear you are dead.” Changbin said, mostly joking but also kind of serious.

Misun laughed softly and covered Jisung’s mouth with her hand.

Rarely was Changbin able to fall asleep in the day but after the past thirty-six hours, he was dead tired. He allowed himself to sleep as long as Jeongin did.

“How are you still functioning?” Changbin groaned as Misun moved around the room.

“I’ll crash when you’re recharged.” Misun replied.

“You’re making me feel guilty.” Changbin pulled the covers up to his chin.

“I’m just fine.” she rolled her eyes. “Plus, Hyunjin said he wanted to talk to me about something.”

“Oh?” Changbin yawned.

“He mentioned something that he learned at the hospital.” Misun shrugged. “Now sleep! I’ll fill you in on what you missed later.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not sure what to say after this train wreck ugh! It was a bit all over the place so bear with me!


	6. Hyunjin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! I had asked about changing one character’s name and luckily it went very well! My series has now been fully revised though there may still be some mistakes here and there since I did everything so fast! For new readers, hopefully nothing seems off! I was going to delete this update chapter and post the new one but some of you wrote such lovely, encouraging and conscientious comments that I decided to just edit this chapter and stick in the newest chapter! So if the comments seem confusing that’s why!
> 
> We are finally back with our lovely families! I wanted to post new content as soon as possible because the negativity and chaos in the community is just astronomical. I am a safe place as I hope you all feel! I hope you can get back to reading and feel at peace in your heart! Love you all! 
> 
> -Soojin
> 
> I regret to inform you, this chapter is pretty heavy and deals with some in depth medical issues. It may seem excessive, but I wanted to set up for Hyunjin’s dog, which you all guessed lol. And for the next part of this series.  
> TW: Seizures, Medical Emergency

“I want to get a service dog.”

Hyunjin was amazed learning about the existence of a seizure dog and immediately looked into them. He wanted to live his life as normally as possible but it was incredibly hard with him feeling the need to have someone else around him at all times to ensure his safety.

He brought it up to Changbin and Misun but was a bit crushed once he realized how expensive they were. There was no way they could afford one straight.

But he didn’t give up, looking into charity organizations that gave dogs to kids and adults if they raised a certain amount of money for their organization. Changbin and Misun were a bit skeptical but Hyunjin was determined. He began looking into how to raise money even though he hadn’t officially gotten the okay yet.

He enlisted the help of Jisung. He was a jackpot of crazy ideas which were much appreciated in the moment if Hyunjin could weed through them and find a reasonable one. He went searching for Jisung on the weekend after the younger boy had hung out with Minho.

Hyunjin paused in the doorway, hearing Minho and Jisung talking as they walked to Minho’s car.

“If you go to that school then you have to come back here once a month.” Jisung was saying.

“I’ll try my best.” Minho laughed. “Traveling is kind of hard.”

“You can’t miss my birthday.” Jisung continued.

“We’ll celebrate later when I’m on break.” Minho promised.

“Oh come on.” Jisung seemed to be trying to keep his tone light. “You can’t miss my birthday.”

“I can’t miss finals either.” Minho replied. “But that just means I’ll spoil you extra when we do celebrate.”

“Alright… I’ll let you go.” Jisung smiled.

“Hurry in before it starts raining.” Minho waved as he unlocked his car.

Hyunjin drew back into the house, feeling like he intruded on their moment in a way. It was obvious Jisung was not in a good mood when he came in the house.

Hyunjin decided what he had to say wasn’t important in the moment. He followed Jisung outside to the backyard after a minute. Jisung sat on the swings Changbin had put up for Jeongin. He pulled his hood over his head but Hyunjin knew he was feeling badly without having to see his face.

He walked up a bit cautiously from behind.

“Are you okay?” Hyunjin asked, sitting down carefully in the swing next to him. Jisung sniffled and brushed his tears away with his sleeve.

Hyunjin was quiet for a moment and then he shyly reached out, putting his hand on Jisung’s shoulder gently. Just letting him know he was there.

“I think I’m a little cursed.” Jisung laughed sadly.

“Why would you say that?” Hyunjin asked.

“I don’t have a forever person.” Jisung sniffled and looked down at his feet.

“What’s that?” Hyunjin had never heard of the term. He guessed it was a Jisung thing though. Jisung many times had phrases or sayings for things he believed in.

“Someone who you always have there for you no matter what.” Jisung explained. “Someone who you just fit together perfectly without even trying.”

Hyunjin thought about his words for a minute, letting his hand come back to rest on the ropes holding the swing.

“You already have forever people…” Hyunjin said, a bit confused. “You have Changbin… and Misun and Minho-.”

“He doesn’t count.” Jisung shook his head. “He’s leaving.”

“Well… that’s a hard criterion to use.” Hyunjin frowned. “Everyone has to live their own life, right?”

“I know but- we had plans and now he changed his plans without even thinking about me!” Jisung sniffled. “Ugh, I sound so selfish but that’s just how I feel!”

“Oh, I understand.” Hyunjin did. He knew Minho had really hurt Jisung’s feelings by changing literally all of their plans.

“I don’t think I even ask for that much. I just want to do something and actually go through with it.” Jisung let out a heavy breath.

“That’s not bad.” Hyunjin assured him. He knew Jisung was emotional but it made sense why he was feeling how he was. “You want someone really dedicated to going through life with you at all times. Doing things together.”

Jisung nodded, kicking the grass with the toe of his shoe.

“It doesn’t have to happen right away.” Hyunjin said. “Changbin waited for a while before he met Misun.”

“That’s not very helpful.” Jisung grumbled.

“Well…” Hyunjin considered if he would be overstepping boundaries with Jisung.

“I can be your forever person.” Hyunjin offered. “Until you find the real one.”

Jisung glanced over at him, eyes still red from crying.

“I know that’s not how it works exactly but… I haven’t found mine either so… we can wait together.” Hyunjin shrugged shyly.

“You’ll probably leave soon.” Jisung pointed out. “College is coming up soon.”

“Where would I go?” Hyunjin smiled a little sadly. “I can’t drive, I don’t know what I want to do for college yet. I’m kind of stuck.”

“How are you so brave?” Jisung tilted his head and frowned a little like he was studying Hyunjin.

“Brave?” There was that word again. The word Hyunjin never felt like he deserved to have but he was always given.

“Yeah. You are so calm all the time even though something bad is always happening to you.” Jisung elaborated. “You only ever cry if you’re really in pain.”

“Is that a bad thing?” Hyunjin asked.

“No it’s just…” Jisung sighed and looked away. “I wish I was more like that. Maybe my forever person doesn’t want to stick around because I’m so emotional.”

“That’s not true.” Hyunjin shook his head. “As your stand-in forever person, I’m telling you that’s what makes you special.”

“What? That I cry way too easily?” Jisung scoffed and wiped his eyes.

“No, that you care deeply about things. That you find things worth crying over.” Hyunjin smiled. “You’re empathetic.”

“Thanks… I guess?” Jisung smiled a little.

“I know it’s not much but, if you need anything, even just want to talk, I’m always here.” Hyunjin said.

“Same goes for you.” Jisung nodded. “I guess you could say we’re partners now.”

“We’re better than partners, we’re brothers.” Hyunjin swung sideways to bump up against Jisung.

Hyunjin would always have Jisung. Even though they sometimes fought bitterly like old times, they always made up. Jisung cared about Hyunjin deep down. Some days it was more obvious than others.

That week, they were supposed to go on a mini trip over the weekend. Misun’s sister was getting married and they were all invited to the wedding. The only problem was, Hyunjin was rushing to get a project for school done.

He sat at his desk, head in his hands as he tried to think. He could practically feel the stress weighing down on him. He would have to ask Changbin for help.

He came downstairs to ask him about it. He was in the kitchen with Jisung, unloading groceries from the bags sitting by the pantry.

“I was wondering if you could help me with my project.” Hyunjin asked, setting it down on the table.

“Yeah, give me a minute.” Changbin nodded.

“I can help if you want.” Jisung offered.

Hyunjin stared back at him for a moment, words lost to him. Jisung blinked back at him. Vaguely Hyunjin hoped one of them would catch him before he fell.

Everything felt so fuzzy even as Hyunjin regained awareness. It was like there was a film over his vision that even blinking couldn’t clear away. His head ached and it felt like he had been struck by something in the back of the head.

“Hyunjin?”

He struggled to focus on the voice calling his name. There was a persistent ringing in his ears that wouldn’t fade.

“Hyunjin, can you answer me?”

He slowly began to process what was happening. He was lying on the floor indicating he had a seizure. But why was his head hurting so badly?

“Hyunjin.”

Was it Changbin calling his name?

“Something’s wrong, why isn’t he responding?” That was Jisung but Hyunjin couldn’t see him from the position he was in. He blinked slowly, trying to clear his blurry vision.

“Hyunjin. Let me know you’re here with us sweetheart.”

Of course he was there. Was Changbin talking about in body or in mind?

He could see Changbin leaning above him. He was a little hazy but he was there.

“I really need a response baby.”

Changbin was holding his hand, the other gently cupping his cheek. Changbin wanted him to say something. He had to say something.

“D-dad…” Why was it so hard to get the words out? His head hurt so badly.

“Hi sweetheart.” Changbin smiled, rubbing his thumb over Hyunjin’s cheek. “You’re okay. I got you.”

Hyunjin slowly brought his hand up, reaching for his head.

“I don’t want you to move yet.” Changbin gently stopped his hand. “Do you remember what happened?”

“N-No.” Hyunjin replied, frowning a little.

“You hit your head as you fell.” Changbin explained. “I want you to lay still for a minute.”

Changbin reached up and received a blanket. He gently lifted Hyunjin’s head and tucked it beneath. It still hurt but at least now he wasn’t on the hard floor.

“On a scale of one to ten, how much does your heart hurt?” Changbin asked, holding his head still with his hand.

“Nine.” Hyunjin breathed out.

“Okay. We’ll get it down to a two before we move.” Changbin assured him. “We’ll take our time.”

Time didn’t seem to help much. The longer Hyunjin lay there, the sleepier he became. He couldn’t keep his eyes open and even Changbin talking to him couldn’t keep him up.

“Hyunjin!” Changbin raised his voice a little to wake him as his eyes fluttered closed. “Don’t fall asleep on me just yet.”

“I don’t… don’t need…” words were hard to make sense of.

“Are you having a hard time understanding?” Changbin asked him.

“I-I don’t know…” Hyunjin frowned. “I want to get up.”

“Okay. That’s fine. I’ll help you.” Changbin slid his arm under Hyunjin and lifted him slowly. It felt a little better than lying on the floor.

“Did I hit my head on the table?” Hyunjin asked.

“Yeah.” Changbin nodded, keeping his hand against Hyunjin’s lower back.

“That… hurt.” Hyunjin winced and touched the back of his head lightly.

He sat for a few minutes but wanted to get up. For some reason he was starting to feel anxious just sitting in one place.

“Don’t push yourself.” Changbin warned him as he stood, bracing himself lightly with one hand on the counter next to him.

Hyunjin decided he would shoot for going to the living room first. He could sit on the couch. But he was hit with dizziness as soon as he put his foot down. Almost immediately his legs gave out as well and he braced himself for another fall but Changbin caught him right away.

“What’s wrong with him?!” Jisung cried, his hands wringing together nervously.

“It’s okay. I’m here.” Changbin held him firmly by the waist. “You’re okay.”

“I-I’m sorry.” Hyunjin gripped Changbin’s shirt so tightly his knuckles turned white.

“Jisung, I need you to calm down and call Chan for me.” Changbin said to the panicked boy. “Jisung! Do as I say!”

“I don’t feel good-.”

Hyunjin leaned over in an attempt to stop his head from spinning. It made his headache so much worse. He heaved for breath, his heart pounding.

“I-I don’t know what’s happening. H-he just collapsed a-and he’s not making sense!” Jisung was rambling into the phone, only heightening Hyunjin’s anxiety.

“Give it to me.” Changbin tucked the phone against his ear and his shoulder, still holding Hyunjin in his arms.

“Chan, I’m having a medical emergency here and I need help.” he said in a cool tone. “I don’t know if it’s a head injury, or seizure induced, but Hyunjin’s struggling and I need a ride to the emergency room.”

He adjusted his grip on Hyunjin.

“He’s just not right, Chan. He’s in pain and I don’t know if he’s going to seize again.” Changbin held Hyunjin as comfortably as he could. “He’s just not coherent and hurting.”

Hyunjin felt so weak. He was trembling in Changbin’s arms, feeling close to breaking down. He was in pain and he was confused and scared and Jisung was crying and Changbin was unintentionally scaring him.

“Jisung, I need you to pull it together.” Changbin demanded as he carefully collected Hyunjin in his arms. “I need your help but I need you fully present.”

“W-Where’s my project?” Hyunjin felt the need to have control over something.

“It’s in the kitchen.” Changbin lay Hyunjin on the couch, careful not to jostle his head. “It’s just fine. What’s your number Hyunjin?”

“My what?” Hyunjin was so confused.

“Your number on a scale of one to ten.” Changbin’s voice was so stern.

Was he angry at Hyunjin? He looked so intense. Hyunjin didn’t know the right answer. Would Changbin be mad at him?

He covered his face, starting to cry.

“It’s okay sweetheart.” Changbin knelt next to him, running his hand down his arm. “You’re going to be okay.”

Everything was confusing and he felt sick and his head hurt. He wanted it to be over. Please let it be over.

It was more chaos when Chan arrived. His anxiety spiked realizing he was going to the hospital as Changbin carried him again. He lay in the backseat, Changbin cradling his head on a blanket on his lap.

“It all happened so fast, I couldn’t grab him when he went down.” Changbin explained to Chan. “He just hit so suddenly I couldn’t…”

“Am I d-dying?” Hyunjin asked. It sure felt like it.

“No, you’re not. Don’t even think that.” Changbin brushed his hair back from his forehead. “You are going to be completely fine.”

“I called Misun.” Chan informed Changbin. “The appointment ended early and she’s on her way.”

Being at the hospital felt like a blur. He remembers being laid down and having people buzzing around him. He clutched Changbin’s hand tightly, refusing to let go. Everything was hard to focus on. He was processing everything a step or two behind reality.

He didn’t know if it was okay or not for him to fall asleep but he did, Changbin holding his hand the whole time.

The next time he woke up he felt terribly groggy but not in pain or confused.

“He’s awake!” Jeongin’s voice was the first he heard as he opened his eyes slowly.

“Shh honey, don’t be so loud.” Misun hushed him gently.

Hyunjin looked around before settling on Changbin who was on his right side.

“You really gave us a scare.” Changbin smiled. “I was convinced you became a zombie.”

Hyunjin smiled a little at his effort to lighten the mood.

“How are you feeling?” Hyunjin turned his head slowly to Misun on his other side.

“A little tired.” he answered, voice a little weak from lack of water. Changbin stood to retrieve some for him.

“You can go back to sleep.” Misun assured him.

“I-Is everything okay now?” Hyunjin asked.

“Yeah.” she nodded. “You’re just fine. You just gave yourself a nasty concussion and your body couldn’t quite recover without a little help.”

Hyunjin glanced down at Jeongin who was standing at the foot of his bed, staring at him with wide eyes. When they made eye contact, Jeongin shrunk back shyly against Misun. Hyunjin understood that he would be a little nervous. It was always odd to see someone you knew in a hospital bed.

“Do you want to come up here with me?” Hyunjin offered to Jeongin, not sure if he would say yes.

Jeongin nodded slowly and Changbin lifted him next to Hyunjin, making sure he didn’t tamper with anything.

“Your head got a boo boo?” Jeongin asked, touching his forehead with one finger.

“Just a little one.” Hyunjin smiled and tapped his fingers on Jeongin’s knees.

“Jisung got a boo boo too.” Jeongin nodded.

“Is he alright?” Hyunjin looked to Changbin. Jisung wasn’t in the room.

“He’s just fine.” Changbin assured him. “He just wanted to wait outside.”

“He said he has a boo boo on his heart.” Jeongin wiggled around to get comfortable. “Because he got scared too much.”

Jeongin repeated Jisung’s words so simply but Hyunjin caught the deeper meaning. It had been really scary and Jisung had panicked the most.

When Hyunjin got home, he was on strict orders to rest, mostly from Misun. He didn’t want to lay alone in his room so he lay on the couch. Everyone tried to be quiet around him but Hyunjin actually wanted the regular noise.

“Do you want a kitty?” Jeongin asked.

He was sitting on the floor next to Hyunjin. He was picking stickers out of his sticker book and placing them all over Hyunjin’s arm.

“Sure.” Hyunjin smiled at how intently he focused, his tongue peeking out as he placed the sticker on Hyunjin’s hands.

“Do you want a… a… what is this?” Jeongin held up the book to show the animal.

“It’s a puffer fish.” Hyunjin told him.

He liked moments like this. Where he could just relax with Jeongin.

“Are you going to use the whole book on him?” Jisung came in and lay down next to Jeongin, pulling his sticker book closer to look.

“Yes.” Jeongin replied very seriously.

Jisung pulled a sticker out of the book and placed it on his own hand.

“No, you can’t!” Jeongin shook his finger at him and took his book back. “Only for Hyunnie.”

“Ah! Why?” Jisung complained, pouting dramatically at him.

“Because he has a boo boo and you don’t.” Jeongin reached over and patted Hyunjin’s tummy. “He’s my patient.”

“I see.” Jisung laughed.

“Can I get kisses?” Hyunjin reached for Jeongin.

“No.” Jeongin held up his hand in a stop motion. “It’s not on your prescription.”

“Oh, big words from our little doctor.” Jisung raised his eyebrows.

“This doctor has a bedtime.” Changbin appeared to scoop Jeongin into his arms.

“I don’t want to go to bed yet!” Jeongin whined and tried to wiggle back down. “I want to sleep on the couch like Hyunjin.”

“Hyunjin is sleeping in his bed.” Changbin corrected him.

He carried a reluctant Jeongin out of the room. Hyunjin pulled out his phone to take a picture of picture of his handiwork before he cleaned the stickers off.

“Hi baby.” Misun came in next, running her hand over Hyunjin’s hair. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m okay.” Hyunjin smiled.

“It’s been a long day, but I have some good news.” she told him, sitting on the floor next to Jisung to clean up Jeongin’s toys.

“What?” Hyunjin asked.

“If you hit the fundraising goal they have, we’ll get you your dog.” she smiled.

“A-are you serious?” Hyunjin gasped.

“Yep.” she nodded.

“We’re getting another dog!” Jisung cheered.

“No. Hyunjin is getting a dog.” Misun smacked him lightly. “It’s not a companion dog. It’s a trained service animal.”

“Well then Daisy is mine then.” Jisung countered.

“Oh, and about the trip.” Misun continued. “Changbin and I haven’t decided yet, but one of us will stay with you, or Chan will come over.”

“I forgot about the trip…” Hyunjin had completely forgotten with everything that happened that day.

“I don’t think going on the plane will be best, especially since we’re leaving early in the morning.” Misun gave him a sad face. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Hyunjin assured her.

“Changbin said he would stay if you wanted. If not, you can sleep over at Chan’s house or he could come here.” she gave him the options.

“No, Dad should definitely go.” Hyunjin quickly denied. “I’m fine staying with Chan.”

“I’ll stay with you.”

Both Misun and Hyunjin looked at Jisung in surprise.

“You don’t have to.” Hyunjin told him.

“I know, but I want to.” Jisung shrugged. “I’ll stay.”

“Are you sure?” Misun frowned.

“Yeah, I’ll make sure he rests.” Jisung smiled at Hyunjin.

“You’ll have to ask Changbin, but if you want to then I don’t see anything wrong with that.” Misun replied.

Hyunjin secretly suspected Jisung wanted to stay with him because he was worried, but he didn’t say anything about it. Hyunjin and Jisung went over to Chan’s house the next morning. Hyunjin spent most of the day resting. Jisung and Minho hung around him, doing low energy activities. Hyunjin was honestly impressed and touched.

At night they watched a movie. Jisung had Hyunjin lay his head on his lap. When Minho and Seungmin headed upstairs to get ready for bed, Hyunjin brought up his thoughts.

“You really shouldn’t have stayed.” Hyunjin commented softly.

“No, I needed to.” Jisung shook his head.

“I feel bad you’re missing all the fun by staying here with me.” Hyunjin picked at the edge of the blanket covering him.

“I would rather be here.” Jisung insisted.

“I’m sure watching movies with a sick person is so thrilling.” Hyunjin scoffed sarcastically.

“You’re not just any sick person.” Jisung softly lay his hand on Hyunjin’s shoulder, not looking down at him. “You’re my forever person.”

Hyunjin stayed quiet, feeling the warmth of his words.

“Maybe I need you more than you need me.” Jisung admitted quietly.

“Are you okay?” Hyunjin looked up at him. He knew Jisung was shaken by everything that had happened.

“No. I’m not.” he whispered back. “I feel guilty for all the times I’ve hurt you when you were already hurting enough without me adding on.”

“Jisung, that’s not how I feel at all-.”

“I feel guilty that I’ve taken you for granted sometimes.” Jisung continued and Hyunjin caught a tear fall that he quickly wiped away.

“Jisung…” Hyunjin sat up and looked at him. “I’m not, ya know, dying or anything. I know it was scary but it was a freak accident. It won’t happen again.”

“It better not because you’re the only person who really understands me.” Jisung sniffled, openly wiping his face. “You’re the only person who gives unconditionally. To everyone!”

Hyunjin didn’t know how to respond for a second.

“You’re just the same!” he finally shot back. “You’re the most fun, genuine person I know! Everyone wants to be around you! You’re like a magnet.”

“Well you can’t make me sad then!” Jisung replied.

“Okay.” Hyunjin smiled a little and lay back down. “Don’t cry over me Jisung.”

“I’m not crying.” Jisung wiped his eyes quickly.

“Definitely not.” Hyunjin laughed. “You don’t want Minho to see you cry.”

“I’ve seen him cry too many times.” Minho commented, coming back in the room.

“Stop!” Jisung groaned and covered his face, making Hyunjin giggle.

Two days after Misun, Changbin and Jeongin got back, Hyunjin had another seizure.

“Is he okay?” Jisung was pacing next to where Hyunjin lay on the floor of the living room.

“He’s just fine.” Changbin held Hyunjin’s hand and rubbed his back.

“I just had one…” Hyunjin said tiredly.

Finding a seizure alert dog was hard than they had expected, and Hyunjin felt like he was racing time. His seizures became more frequent to the point he didn’t want to leave the house in fear of having one. With epilepsy, there can be changes in frequency of seizures that occur.

When they found a dog and a trainer, Hyunjin almost didn’t believe it. The dog lived far away but it didn’t matter since the dog would be flying in the next week. There was a training facility nearby and the trainer would stay to help both Hyunjin and the dog adjust to each other for a little while.

The day Hyunjin got to pick up his dog from the airport, he was beyond excited. He had seen pictures of her before. She was a Labrador retriever. It took him a while, but he finally raised enough money to bring her home. It was an amazing feeling.

“Are you nervous?” Misun asked him as they waited for the plane to arrive.

“I’m so nervous.” Hyunjin whispered.

Misun squeezed his hand comfortingly.

Hyunjin didn’t want to make a scene but he cried just a little when he got to finally give her a hug and pet her head. She was immediately friendly, nosing at his face and wagging her tail.

“Hi Kkami.” Hyunjin laughed and took her leash.

The trainer told him it was a good sign she warmed up to him quickly. She would have more time to get to know him over the next few weeks and during the time the trainer stayed to work with them.

He absolutely adored Kkami, as did the rest of the family. Her and Daisy looked like twins, getting along well together.

The first time he experienced Kkami in action was when everyone was having dinner together, as well as her trainer. While they were eating, she started whining and pawing at him, laying her head on his leg.

“What’s she doing?” Hyunjin was confused.

“She’s alerting you that you are going to have a seizure.” her trainer said. “Now that she’s alerted you, get yourself to a safe place.”

Hyunjin almost didn’t believe it as he moved to the living room. Everyone followed.

“Can I lay on the couch?” Hyunjin asked. At her approval he lay down.

He was surprised when Kkami climbed up and lay her body on top of him.

“W-What do I do?” he asked, feeling nervous. He didn’t like knowing a seizure was coming.

“She’ll help you through it.” The trainer sat down and waited. Hyunjin pet Kkami gently, trying to calm himself down.

When the seizure was over, Hyunjin was surprised to find Kkami still with him, resting her head on his chest and watching him carefully. The trainer praised her and walked Hyunjin through what to expect in different situations.

Hyunjin pet Kkami as they discussed things. He was still amazed that Kkami had actually done as she was trained. When no one was around, Kkami knew how to call Changbin and Misun which sent a prerecorded message to them, alerting them of Hyunjin having a seizure. If Hyunjin was on a hard surface, Kkami would place herself between Hyunjin’s head and the floor.

They spent a lot of time bonding and doing supplemental training before her trainer left. Kkami slept with Hyunjin. The minute he woke up, she was up and ready to go. It was amazing and it really gave Hyunjin a sense of safety.

She got along well with Daisy, which was a concern in the beginning. The trainer observed and found their relationship to be fine. If any problems arose then they could address them, but for the moment, the two dogs coinhabited the space peaceably.

Hyunjin still wasn’t ready to do certain major activities yet since the seizures were still frequent, but he was feeling more and more confident every day. He loved Kkami and was so thankful for her assistance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome Kkami into the family!! I did research on seizure alert dogs since I have no personal experience so I hope everything is accurate! I took a lot of what I know from the diabetic alert dogs, since my close friend is diabetic and eligible for a service dog. There are a lot of requirements and pros and cons in a sense. Always carefully evaluate before getting a service animal! I wrote the falling/seizure scene from my personal experience. Trust me, it is not fun! I tried not to make it too detailed in case it was disturbing to anyone though! I honestly want to write a ton of Jeongin because I adore his relationship with the rest of the boys and Changbin and Misun. Is it okay if I do? Hehe!


	7. Chan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back everyone! Officially back on schedule now! This chapter is super happy and soft with lots of relational healing! I hope you enjoy!
> 
> ALSO, I do have another story I am releasing in tandem with his one. It's called Precious and I had a lot of fun writing it! It revolves around Jisung caring for his blind son as a single parent and the struggles that arise in that. It's also about Chan going through a loss and a relational break and how him and Jisung come together and heal together! It's pretty soft but pretty sad! Anyways! I hope you will try it out!

As much as time felt like it was crawling by, it was flying by. Felix had been with them for quite some time now. Sometimes Chan looked at where they were now and felt discouraged, but looking at the progress from the beginning was amazing.

Felix was slowly coming out of his shell more and more. In little ways. He was more talkative. He had begun to ask for assistance in more things and even expressed his emotions more plainly.

Chan was still slowly counting up his victories. He counted their day at the pool a victory.

“Do you want to go in the water?” Chan asked, crouching down in front of Felix.

Felix drew back, crouching and wrapping one arm around the leg of one of the reclining chairs. It was enough of an answer for Chan.

“Why don’t you go ahead with Seungmin.” Ara suggested. “Felix and I will have some snacks over here.”

Felix stood and wandered over to her a bit shyly to see what she had packed in her bag. He had slowly been warming up to them a lot. He still had many times he stubbornly refused certain things, and sometimes Chan felt a familiar despair settle in his heart, but Felix was doing well.

Seungmin was a pretty good swimmer. Chan raced him across the pool, letting him win once or twice. He noticed Felix watching them as they played.

He even moved close to the side at the shallow end and then crouched down to put his hand in the water. He splashed his hand a bit, deciding if he liked the feeling Chan assumed. He wasn’t sure if Felix had ever been in a pool before. He didn’t believe Felix knew how to swim but he couldn’t know for sure.

Chan moved to the steps to come out of the pool and Felix quickly ran away. Chan had learned not to have his feelings hurt when Felix rejected his presence. He knew it wasn’t really that Felix didn’t like him. Though he could tell Felix was a little scared of Chan at the moment. Maybe he thought Chan would carry him into the pool against his will.

When Chan came to where Ara was sitting, Felix hid behind the reclining chair, peeking out at him nervously. Chan smiled and sat down by Ara’s feet, grabbing a water bottle. After a few seconds, Felix came out, sitting on the chair across from Chan.

“Want some?” Chan held his water bottle out to Felix. He accepted it and took a sip of water.

“Can I put those on?” Felix asked him, pointing to the floaties they had brought just in case Felix wanted to get in.

“Do you want to swim now?” Chan asked, reaching for the floaties.

He noted how Felix hesitated, not strong on his decision. He held his arms out for Chan to put the floaties on anyways though. They were a little hard to get on but it was because they fit snugly.

“If you want, we can put just our feet in the water. By the steps.” Chan offered and to his surprise, Felix nodded.

It took a while for Felix to dip his feet in. He held onto the side of the pool tightly as he put his feet on the first step. The water only reached a little above his ankle. It took a few minutes for him to get comfortable, sitting on the step and splashing water around with his hands.

Then Felix stood again and reached his hand out to Chan. He was a bit confused at first.

“Can you help me?” he asked, keeping his hand outstretched to Chan. “Please?”

“Of course!” Chan took his small hand into his own, acting as an anchor even though Felix only went down to the second step which was just at his tummy.

“Scary.” Felix commented out loud, making Chan smile.

“You won’t sink.” Chan assured him. “You have your floaties on.”

“What if a fish bites my toes?” Felix asked him seriously.

“A fish?” Chan laughed. “There are no fish in the pool silly!”

“Seungmin said there are tiny invisible fish.” Felix showed how tiny with his fingers.

“Oh Seungmin was just playing.” Chan smiled. “There are no fish in this pool. I promise.”

Felix walked back and forth on the step, still holding Chan’s hand before wanting to go deeper.

“Your floaties will keep you float but I can hold you too if you want.” Chan offered.

“Hold me.” Felix stretched his arms out and Chan felt another thrill of happiness at the trust and dependence Felix was demonstrating towards Chan.

Chan stood chest deep in the water, holding Felix gently under the arms and pulling him out past the steps. At first Felix clung to him, but a smile quickly broke over his face as he realized he was floating.

“You’re floating!” Chan cheered, walking slowly around the shallow end.

Felix giggled, his entire body practically vibrating with joy.

“You can kick your legs.” Chan told him and picked up speed when he did so. Felix was absolutely ecstatic, laughing and moving his arms around.

Turns out that once Chan had Felix in the water, he never wanted to leave. Every when Chan got out to reapply sunscreen, Felix sat on the steps splashing around and playing with the water toys they had brought.

“He loves it!” Ara gave him a high five.

“He does.” Chan grinned. “We have another little fish in the family.”

“Here.” Ara handed him some spray sunscreen. “Try to get his face at least.”

Chan did his best to apply sunscreen on Seungmin before he ran and jumped in the water again.

“Daddy!”

Chan didn’t respond at first, rarely hearing the word from Felix.

“Daddy!” Ara nudged him and gestured to Felix.

“I want to swim!” Felix called to him and waved for him to come over.

Yes. Chan decided. Today was a victory day.

What definitely wasn’t a victory was how cold Seungmin was to Minho. Chan would never have guessed Seungmin could hold such a grudge against him. Since the night he had accidentally found out Minho was going away for college, he had stubbornly refused to interact with Minho.

Chan wasn’t severely worried but he hated that time was stretching on and Seungmin was still avoiding Minho. It hurt Minho’s feeling quite a bit. Chan could tell.

“I’m home!” Minho called out, closing the door behind him.

“We’re in here.” Chan replied. He was sitting on the floor with both Seungmin and Felix.

Seungmin had a project Chan was helping him with and Felix was laying on his tummy next to them to watch.

“Hi buddy.” Minho placed his hand on Felix’s head for a moment, sitting down next to them.

“We are doing a geography project.” Chan informed him, handing a glue stick to Seungmin.

“It looks great!” Minho commented, looking at Seungmin for a reaction but none was given.

“I want to make my own!” Felix spoke up. “Just like Seungmin’s!”

“Maybe later.” Chan winced. Just one project was a lot of work.

“Hey Seungmin, did you pick these photos out?” Minho pointed to the ones he was pasting on. Seungmin stubbornly ignored him.

“Seungmin.” Chan hated having to reprimand him. “Minho asked you a question.”

“I picked the photos.” he grumbled.

Minho sat back, his smile fading a bit. Chan had already had the two of them try to talk it out together and explain to Seungmin but the younger boy couldn’t wrap his mind around the fact that Minho wasn’t leaving permanently. He didn’t like the idea of Minho only coming home on holidays.

Later that night, Seungmin came in to have his implants taken out for bed. Minho was standing in the kitchen when he came down. He raised his arms slightly to Seungmin in an offer. Seungmin twisted his body slightly to avoid him and went to Chan.

Chan decided it was time for action.

“I have a plan.”

Minho raised his eyebrows when Chan announced his idea.

“I think Seungmin is taking this so far because he’s enjoying denying you attention a little too much.” Chan told him.

“That’s a little harsh…” Minho laughed sadly.

“It’s just how little kids are sometimes.” Chan rolled his eyes with a smile. “Sometimes you just need a little wake up call to bring them back to reality.”

“Okay…” Minho nodded.

“I know it sounds cruel, but for the next few days, I think you should focus your attention on Felix instead.” Chan said. “Seungmin will notice you’re not feeding into him constantly pushing you away.”

“Okay, but will he even care?” Minho frowned. “It’s not like he cares about my attention at the moment.”

“As strange as it sounds, he will probably care more if you shift your attention to Felix.” Chan elaborated.

“You mean like, make him jealous?” Minho looked skeptical.

“Don’t go overboard.” Chan corrected him. “You don’t want Felix to be overwhelmed or anything. Just enough to show that you’ll give your attention if he’s open to it.”

“I’ll try.” Minho nodded.

For the next few days, Minho tried Chan’s idea. He didn’t flat out ignore Seungmin, far from it, but he didn’t do anything unless Seungmin specifically asked for it. The first two days Seungmin didn’t seem to care and Chan was going to call it off and have another serious talk.

But during lunch on the weekend Seungmin finally cracked. The four of them were sitting outside on the grass, having sandwiches after playing around.

“Should we play soccer?” Chan suggested.

“Yes!” Seungmin raised his hand, and his sandwich, in the air.

“Alright. We can play on two teams.” Chan nodded.

“Felix, do you want to be on my team?” Minho asked, smiling at the boy quietly sorting his goldfish on the picnic blanket.

“Uh huh.” Felix replied, nibbling on a cracker.

“Hey-.” Seungmin started and then frowned, considering what he was saying. He brooded over it for a while as they finished eating.

When they stood up and moved the picnic blanket aside, Seungmin decided to go for it.

“I want Minho on my team.” Seungmin announced. He knew Minho was good at soccer and they were usually on a team when they played at the park.

“I think he’s on a team with Felix.” Chan said.

“No. He can only be on my team.” Seungmin reached out and grabbed Minho’s arm.

“I don’t know…” Chan saw an opportunity and took it. “The teams are already set. And I thought you didn’t want to be by Minho.”

Seungmin frowned at him for a minute.

“Minho is always on a team with me.” Seungmin replied. “He’s only mine.”

Chan raised an eyebrow sneakily to Minho.

“Okay, I’ll make a deal with you.” Minho told Seungmin seriously. “I’ll be on your team if you let me read you a story tonight.”

“Yes!” Seungmin agreed easily, running to get the soccer ball.

Chan and Minho shared a knowing smile.

Later that night, Chan peeked into their room to see Seungmin cuddled up to Minho like always. They would still need to have another discussion but for the moment, things were back to normal.

His gaze shifted to Felix. He was sitting in his bed with his chin resting on the plushie nestled in his arms. He was watching Minho and Seungmin with wide eyes, fully immersed in the story.

His heart hurt a little skimming over Felix’s young innocent face. He was so hard to understand even though they had made massive progress. He was still closed off and protective of himself.

It made Chan unbelievably happy when he caught a glimpse of Felix’s soft heart under the careful mask he had put up. Mostly when Felix was playing with Seungmin or Minho.

He loved coming home to the sound of Felix’s happy giggles. Chan found Seungmin and Felix in the living room. Seungmin was doing something silly to make Felix laugh. Chan smiled as well, watched quietly from where they were oblivious of his presence.

Felix laughed hard enough to tip over, smiling so brightly, Chan’s heart felt full. Once Seungmin had stopped, Felix sat up. Suddenly, to Chan’s surprise, he leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Seungmin’s neck, pulling him into a hug.

It was brief, just for a moment, but it had happened. They continued playing, chattering happily. Chan was glad he had witnessed a special moment like that. It made him feel better thinking that there were victories even when he wasn’t there to see them.

There were definitely still struggles with Felix though.

Chan was at the end of his patience on the weekend trying to drag Felix to a work party he had to go to. Ara was at an appointment with Seungmin and Minho was with Jisung which meant Chan had to bring the little boy along.

Felix decided he did _not_ want to go and he planted his feet stubbornly in his room, refusing to come along.

“Felix.” Chan huffed and placed his hands on his waist. Felix crossed his arms over his chest and pouted angrily.

“You’re not getting out of this bud.” Chan reminded him. “Put your pants on.”

Felix had a regular shirt Chan had managed to get on him but he was still wearing his pajama bottoms.

“Felix.” Chan crouched down to look him in the eye better. Felix turned away from him, arms still crossed tightly.

Chan suppressed a sigh and touched his elbow, guiding him back to look at Chan.

“No.” Felix drew away, rubbing his hand over his elbow as if Chan had been too rough.

“Come on sunshine.” Chan smiled encouragingly. “I know you can do it! Then it will be over.”

Felix scanned his face for a minute, deciding if it was worth it.

Finally, Chan saw him give in, his arms uncrossing and going to his sides.

“Go out.” Felix ordered, still wanting to be in charge.

“What do you say if you want me to do something?” Chan tilted his head.

Felix tensed up all over again, pushing at Chan’s knee in frustration.

“Out!” he persisted.

As much as Chan didn’t want to fight five battle at once, he couldn’t let Felix get away with things.

“Please…” Felix finally grumbled. “Please go out.”

Chan nodded and left the room. Felix came out a moment later, fully dressed.

“Alright, let’s brush your hair.” Chan headed back into the room and Felix let out a frustrated whine.

When Chan came out of the bathroom with a comb he almost laughed at Felix’s display of defiance. He was lying face down on the carpet like his body had given up. Chan combed through his hair while he lay on the floor, smiling a bit to himself.

He never expected himself to be brushing a little boy’s hair while he threw a tantrum on the carpet. He guessed that’s what parenting was.

It took almost half an hour to get Felix in the car and it felt like they regressed massively. Felix grew more and more defiant by the second.

When they finally got to the party, he had a scowl on his face and purposely trailed far behind Chan.

“There are some kids your age playing in the play room.” Chan told him, gently touching his shoulder.

“Ow.” Felix pushed his hand away and glared at him.

“Okay.” Chan sighed, letting him go play. He tried to push Felix out of his mind during the party in an attempt to recharge his mood for when he would have to deal with the boy again later.

“I think your son is looking for you.” Someone informed him a bit later in the evening.

Chan couldn’t help but sigh a little as he stood up to go to Felix. He found him standing on the outskirts of the dining room where most of the people were congregated. He was shocked to see tears streaming down Felix’s face, his lower lip trembling.

Chan quickly approached him, reaching for him instinctively.

“It’s okay baby, I’m right here.” Chan gathered Felix into his arms and lifted him.

Felix pressed his face against Chan’s shoulder and curled his hands into the back of Chan’s shirt. Chan really couldn’t believe what was happening. One of the major signs of attachment was a child looking for their specific caregiver. There were many adults at the party but Felix had sought out Chan.

“I’m right here.” Chan repeated, walking the two of them to the next room over where it wasn’t crowded with people.

Felix nuzzled his face closer against Chan and his heart practically melted. He sat on a chair still holding the crying boy.

“What happened sunshine?” Chan asked, petting his back gently.

Felix drew back and wiped at his tears. Chan recognized the familiar self-soothing behaviors and gently used his own hands to wipe away Felix’s tears and brush his hair off of his forehead.

“I couldn’t find you.” Felix sniffled. “I-I thought you went home.”

“Oh no!” Chan shook his head. “I would never leave you bud. Never.”

He hugged Felix again to let him know he really would never do such a thing.

“I promise I won’t go anywhere.” Chan repeated. “If you want, you can stay with me the rest of the time.”

Felix nodded, looking at him with glossy eyes.

“Oh baby…” Chan felt so bad he couldn’t help himself from holding Felix’s face in his hands and kissing his forehead. “I’m so sorry you got scared.”

“It’s okay.” Felix replied as he drew back.

Chan set him on the floor and then extended his hand if he wanted to hold it. Felix easily slipped his own hand in Chan’s and followed him back to the main party. It amazed Chan how quickly Felix bounced back.

But most of all, he was shocked and excited that Felix had looked for him. Had cried for him. It meant he really cared. It was a big milestone. And it was a milestone that had come from a day filled with frustrations.

That night, he carried Felix into the house, fast asleep. He wasn’t sure what exactly urged him to do it, but he slid his shoes off and pulled on pajamas quickly so he could return to Felix’s side. He slipped into his bed gingerly, lying next to Felix.

Maybe it was the way Felix had clung to his hand that evening. Maybe it was his eyes, devoid of resistance and glossy with tears that gazed up at him hopefully. He felt the overwhelming need to protect him.

Chan woke up in the morning to a finger lightly touching his face. It traced his nose and then touched his dark curls tumbling over his forehead. He opened his eyes slowly and Felix quickly retracted his hand, tucking it back against his chest.

He blinked at Chan, retreated into his own space closer to the wall but he didn’t seem nervous or afraid.

“Good morning.” Chan rumbled, his morning voice a bit gruffer than he intended. Felix didn’t seem to mind, just watching him.

Chan assumed he was a little surprised to wake up to Chan in his bed. He slowly eased up and off his bed, trying to be quiet because Seungmin was still asleep. He smiled at Felix before leaving the room and shutting the door quietly behind him.

He rubbed his eyes and decided to go make breakfast. The house was still quiet and still in the early morning. It was peaceful as he pulled out things for breakfast.

When he turned around from the pantry, he was surprised to see Felix standing in the kitchen. He had come in quietly, his socks muffling his footsteps.

“Hi sunshine.” Chan smiled at him.

Felix drew closer and then hesitantly reached his hand up towards Chan. It took him a moment to process what Felix wanted.

“Do you want me to hold you?” Chan asked.

Felix nodded and Chan smiled warmly.

He lifted Felix into his arms and held him snugly with one arm holding his legs and the other around his waist. Felix easily lay his head on Chan’s shoulder, his breath tickling the side of his neck.

“Thank you, baby.” Chan said softly. He felt blessed in the moment to have Felix seeking out cuddles, still warm and snuggly from sleep.

Maybe it was the start of something new and beautiful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't want to straight up write it in the main text but the moment at the end with Chan and Felix is the big turning point of the story! We made it! Chan being there for Felix directly after a time of conflict speaks volumes, as it has over the time Felix has been with them. Felix is really putting his trust and affection in Chan and Ara at this point! Are you happy to see it? >u<


	8. Minho

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Already chapter 8 of 10! Almost done! Time flew hehe! here is another Minho chapter which honestly isn't my favorite but I fit everything in so yay! The theme of this chapter is kind of protector. I really wrote Minho in a protector role for this whole series and I wanted to wrap up with super emphasizing it! Hope you enjoy!
> 
> TW: Car accident, Injury

On the weekend, Minho went shopping with Chan and Felix at the mall for things he needed for college. It was crazy how time flew.

“You need a few more shirts.” Chan observed, moving through the clothes racks.

“More sweaters and warm clothes.” Minho said. “Winter is coming.”

“You’re right.” Chan nodded.

“Can I get a candy?’ Felix asked, tugging on the bottom of Minho’s shirt. They had passed the candy store in the mall and now it was all he could think about.

“When we’re done.” Chan told him.

They went through the store slowly, finding things Minho liked.

After a bit, Minho looked around.

“Where did Felix go?” he asked.

Chan glanced around, having lost track of him as well.

“Felix?” Minho moved around the racks, looking for him. His heart slowly sank as they circled the store and he was nowhere to be found.

“He has to be here somewhere.” Chan looked anxious.

They spent another two minutes looking before things got more serious.

“Maybe he wandered out of the store?” Minho said, not wanting to think of a more frightening scenario.

“We’ll split up and look for him.” Chan said. “Call me if you find him.”

Minho’s heart started to beat faster as Chan ran out of the store.

Minho had never felt more fear in his entire life. The mall was massive, how could they possibly find Felix in the many stores? Not to mention, Felix was at risk of being taken.

He was small and cute and would willingly go with a stranger if they asked. That was Minho’s biggest fear, and surely Chan’s as well. That Felix had been stolen away in a heartbeat.

Minho didn’t even know where to start. He raced into one store, scanning the area for a pair of chocolate brown eyes to blink back at him. Time ticked by almost at light speed and soon it had been ten minutes, a critical amount of time.

Chan hadn’t called, meaning he hadn’t found him either. Minho almost wanted to cry with how fast and hard his heart was beating. He gasped for breath as he raced down the stairs, searching for a familiar figure.

No sign of him. Minho ran his hands through his hair in distress and then headed back to the store they had lost him from. Maybe they could check security footage or something.

“Hi, I need help.” Minho startled the person working at the register. “I’m looking for my younger brother.”

He was interrupted by a hand patting his leg.

Felix looked up at him, eyes innocent, oblivious to what was happening.

“Oh my-.” Minho breathed out and gathered Felix into his arms in a hug. “Where were you? You scared me so bad!”

He pulled his phone out of his pocket, quickly calling Chan and letting him know Felix was found.

“What were you doing bud?” Minho asked.

“Hiding.” Felix smiled widely.

“Hiding…” Minho stared blankly at him.

All of the panic over Felix purposely hiding from them.

“Like this!” Felix ran over to where clothes were hanging on the bottom of the wall. He scooted back into them until he was completely hidden. Without pushing the clothes aside, you couldn’t tell he was hiding there.

He poked his head out and giggled, pleased with himself.

“You little silly.” Minho lifted him into his arms and squeezed him gently. “You scared me!”

Chan came into the store then, a little out of breath. He reached for Felix but he drew back, curling into Minho. He wasn’t in the mood.

“Thanks for taking five years off my life.” Chan teased, tickling Felix’s back when Minho explained. “How about we don’t hide in the clothes anymore.”

“Can I pick out a candy now?” Felix asked, not clued into what had happened in the slightest.

“Yes you can.” Chan nodded, rubbing his forehead. “I suppose we all need one.”

Felix had the time of his life in the candy store. Chan let him fill a bag from the various types in the dispensers. Minho noticed his hand shook a little when he paid. For some reason he felt very safe with Chan in the moment. His dad was protective and that was one of the best qualities to have.

When they got home, Chan hugged Ara from behind as she washed the dishes. Minho smiled, leaving them privacy to talk.

He guided Felix to the living room coffee table. He hadn’t eaten any of his candy because he wanted to sort it. Minho wasn’t sure what that meant but Felix was so excited it made him happy too.

“How are you feeling right now?” Minho asked Felix, using the opportunity to have him identify his emotions.

“Happy!” Felix replied, sitting down and dumping his candy onto the table. Minho wish he could have cleaned the surface first but he let it go.

“Are you… excited?” Minho continued.

“Yes.” Felix nodded, his small fingers sorting through the candies deftly.

Minho thought Felix was amazingly smart and perceptive. He was able to sort and identify things easily. Soon he had five piles set out, all perfectly equal.

“This one is for you.” Felix tapped Minho and then pointed to one pile. “This one is for Minnie, and Daddy and Mommy.”

Minho dramatically pressed his hand to his heart and fell back against the couch. It was too cute.

“Do you want me to get a baggie for you?” Felix asked, standing up.

“Whatever you want baby.” Minho smiled at him, absolutely adoring him in the moment.

He ran off and Minho quickly snapped a photo, sending it to Jisung with the caption “my sunshine”.

Seungmin came downstairs as well and help Felix scoop the piles into separate bags. It was really precious and washed away any of the lingering anxiety from earlier.

Minho pet Felix’s head as he said goodnight, a tiny hint of sadness washing over him. When Seungmin gave him a goodnight hug, he held him for a bit longer than usual. His college send off day was coming closer and closer.

“Hey, you seemed a little down.” Chan came into his room later that night. “Everything okay?”

“Just thinking of a lot of things.” Minho sat on his bed, Chan sitting next to him.

“Like what?” Chan leaned back on his hands.

“Remember the first night I slept in this bed?” Minho smiled at the memory. “You used to hug me almost every night because of my nightmares.”

Chan nodded.

“I always wondered… why did you let me?” Chan asked. “At the time, you didn’t want anything to do with me.”

“I guess I trusted you deep down. Even from the beginning.” Minho answered. “I can’t explain it. You just made me feel safe.”

“I’m glad.” Chan smiled affectionately at him.

“Do you think I’ll be okay on my own?” Minho lay back on his bed, staring at the ceiling.

“I know you’ll be one-hundred percent fine. Better than fine. You’ll be fantastic.” Chan assured him.

“I’ll come back to visit a lot.” Minho promised.

“I know you will.” Chan laughed softly.

Minho spent more time with Jisung in the days approaching his departure. On the Friday before he left, they went out to see a movie and have dinner.

Minho enjoyed spending time with Jisung. He was the one person he could literally never get tired of. They spent the whole night laughing and talking.

Minho thought the night was pretty close to perfect until they were driving home. Jisung was chattering in the seat next to him and he was happy.

Minho saw the light flash green so he started across the intersection. All he could think about was Jisung laughing beside him, everything as it should be.

Headlights blinded him from the side and then all he could think about was that they were too close. His arm went out to brace Jisung. He pressed him back against his seat by his chest right before they were hit.

Minho had never been in a car accident before. He didn’t know how jarring they were. It felt like he was thrown into darkness, maybe his eyes closed, as the sound of screeching metal and rubber overtook all other sounds.

The car spun away from the point of impact, tires squealing on the asphalt before coming to a halt. Minho kept his eyes closed for a minute, head down, breathing heavily, his arm still holding Jisung from pitching forward.

“Minho?” Jisung squeaked out from next to him, his voice sounding afraid.

Slowly he raised his head, taking in the cracked windshield and the eerie glow of his headlights in the night.

“Minho-.” Jisung’s voice raised a notch in panic and Minho glanced over, letting his arm fall.

Jisung was tugging at his seatbelt, face stricken. It took Minho a moment to realize that Jisung’s seat had somehow been shoved forward. The seatbelt had locked on impact and was now restricting Jisung from moving.

“I can’t breathe-.” Jisung gasped, his eyes blown wide with fear.

Minho immediately reached over, trying to tug at the seatbelt as well but it was locked tightly in place.

He dropped his hand to the release button and tried to push it but it had jammed with the force of the belt being stretched.

Jisung was gasping for breath at this point, fingers struggling against the belt that was preventing his chest from expanding and contracting.

“Hold on-.” Minho fumbled with his own seatbelt, getting it free. He twisted out of his seat and placed his knee on the center console so he had more leverage to help Jisung.

“Ah- Minho-.” Jisung tilted his head back, desperate for air.

Minho reached for where the seatbelt connected to the side of the car, yanking at it in an attempt to create more slack. Jisung’s labored gasps mingled with his own frantic ones as he struggled to set him free.

Jisung was starting to really panic, his legs moving and hands grasping blindly at the sides of the car. It only made it harder for him to breathe.

“It’s okay.” Minho placed one hand on his cheek, trying to soothe him as the other switched down to the release button. He pressed against it as hard as he could but it had no give to it.

Jisung was audibly wheezing then, one hand grasping at Minho’s arm in desperation.

“H-help me-.” he begged.

“You have to help me!” Minho responded. “Help me push this!”

Jisung managed to put his thumb on the button and Minho grasped the belt, pulling on it as hard as he could. It was only a slight give but it loosened the tension just enough for the seatbelt to click free.

Jisung fell forward, his forehead resting against Minho’s collarbone as he dragged in heavy breaths.

Minho looped his arm around him, holding him up as he felt his own body go weak from adrenaline. It had all happened in a matter of seconds but it felt like a lifetime had passed by.

“It’s okay, I’ve got you.” Minho rubbed Jisung’s back as he searched in his pocket for his phone. He struggled to open it with his shaking hand.

He called for an ambulance first. He didn’t know about the other car but he needed someone there for Jisung. Next he called Chan.

“H-hello?” Minho hated how shaky his voice sounded.

“Hey…” Chan sounded confused. “Are you on your way home?”

“I- we got in a car accident.” Minho responded. “A-at the intersection by Jisung’s house.”

“Are you safe?” Chan asked immediately. “Are you two okay?”

“I don’t know?” Minho continued to rub Jisung’s back. “I called an ambulance for Jisung.”

“I’m on my way.” Chan said. “Don’t hang up. Stay on the phone with me and I’ll talk you through what to do.”

“Okay.” Minho whispered.

“Is your car still in the main road?” Chan asked. Minho could hear him rushing, his keys jingling.

“Yes.” Minho nodded even though Chan couldn’t see him.

“Are you able to safely get out of the car?” Chan continued, his tone calm. It helped Minho stay calm.

“I-I think so.” Minho replied.

“What about Jisung? Can you get him out?” Chan asked.

“Yes... I think so.” Minho repeated.

“Listen to me Minho.” Chan said. “If Jisung is hurt badly you can’t move him. I need you to walk me through how he is.”

Jisung wasn’t breathing as hard anymore, still leaning against Minho and taking slow breaths.

“Is he awake?” Chan asked.

“Yes.” Minho shifted slightly, in an awkward position, half on Jisung’s side and half on the console.

“Is he bleeding or does anything look broken?” Chan continued to guide him.

“I don’t think so.” Minho pulled back slightly to look at him.

“What did he hit?” Chan’s voice sounded a bit far away and Minho was sure he was texting Changbin the situation. “The dashboard, the door?”

“He was being crushed. B-by his seatbelt.” Minho answered. “He couldn’t breathe.”

“Okay…” Chan responded. “I don’t want you to move him Min. Just stay in the car and stay on the phone with me.”

The sound of sirens cut Chan off and Minho let out a breath of relief. He shifted back into his own seat, one hand resting on the side of Jisung’s neck just to let him know he was still there. He leaned back against his seat; eyes closed as he continued to breathe slowly.

The medics taking Jisung out of the car all happened in a blur. He sat on the curb, Minho standing next to him, biting his thumb anxiously.

When Chan arrived, Minho ran to him, colliding with him in his haste to be comforted. Chan whispered soothing words to him as he rubbed his back.

Changbin arrived soon after. Jisung would be fine. He had a nasty seatbelt sign across his chest and abdomen but nothing was broken. Minho felt relief wash over him slowly, making his body feel weak.

The man who had hit them had simply lost control of his vehicle, not being able to stop at the intersection. Luckily his injuries were slight as well.

“You really do have a problem with cars.” Minho shook his head and rumpled Jisung’s hair. He looked especially small with Changbin’s coat dwarfing him.

“I guess I owe you big time now.” Jisung grinned at him.

“How so?” Minho tilted his head.

“You saved my life.” Jisung answered simply.

Chan squeezed Minho’s shoulder. He hadn’t really thought of it like that. He just reacted in the moment.

“Hopefully you don’t have to return the favor.” Minho laughed.

Jisung held his arms out for a hug and Minho carefully put his arms around him. He hugged him loosely, afraid to hurt him.

“Hm wait.” Jisung murmured when Minho moved to step back. He curled his fingers in Minho’s shirt and held on a little longer.

Minho rubbed his back like he did when Seungmin or Felix were scared. Jisung was being awfully brave.

Minho felt a sense of loss when he walked away with Changbin. He put his arm around Chan, comforting himself.

“What you did was really amazing Min.” Chan told him, walking with him to his car. The other one was being towed.

It was just what anyone would do for their best friend. And hopefully anyone for that matter.

The hardest moment for Minho was the day he finally had to say goodbye.

The day before he finished packing, ready to go. Seungmin sat in his room with him, occasionally scooting off of the bed to give him a hug. Minho gave him comforting hugs freely. He knew it would be hard for Seungmin.

“Will you send me pictures?” Seungmin asked.

“Of course I will.” Minho put his laptop in his backpack.

“Me too!” Felix piped up.

Seungmin and him were laying shoulder to shoulder on their fronts, watching Minho pack as if it was the most interesting thing they had to do. Seungmin’s feet kicked back and forth in the air.

“I’ll bring you back a present when I come home on holiday.” Minho promised.

“Really?” Seungmin perked up. “I want something really big!”

“Me too!” Felix copied Seungmin.

“If it’s big I won’t be able to bring it back to you!” Minho laughed.

“Okay then you can get me something small and cute.” Seungmin pinched his fingers together to show how small. “Like a little bumblebee.”

“A what?” Minho frowned.

“I saw on tv.” Seungmin said proudly. “They are fuzzy!”

“Okay…” Minho shook his head, very entertained by Seungmin’s imagination.

“There are some outside!” Felix gasped. “I’ll get one for you!”

“No, definitely don’t do that.” Minho quickly intervened. “Those ones will sting you.”

“Oh…” Felix frowned, thinking carefully.

“What are you two going to do without me?” Minho came over to attack Seungmin with tickles. He squealed happily.

Minho hugged him close, snuggling against his soft hair. He would enjoy being with them down to the last moment.

It didn’t completely feel real until he was walking through the airport. Chan and Ara, Seungmin and Felix had all come to send him off.

Changbin and his family had come as well but Minho only had eyes for one boy.

“Oh, don’t cry!” Minho wiped Jisung’s tears away as he sniffled.

He laughed softly at Jisung but only because he found him so endearing. He loved Minho so much it sometimes didn’t make sense to Minho.

“You’re going to make me cry too!” Minho drew him closer. Jisung sniffled into his shoulder, his tear soaking into his shirt.

“You have to promise to come back.” he wiped at his eyes when they stepped apart.

“I promise.” Minho brushed his knuckles lightly across his chin.

Jisung had been his best friend since the first day they had ever met. He had changed a lot since then. Minho was lucky to get to see the real Jisung. The one who whined when he called him cute, still loved to snuggle plushies and was a little more sensitive than his tough demeanor.

Even though Minho was leaving, nothing could separate them.

“I’ll call you every day.” Minho promised, smiling at him.

Jisung nodded, his bottom lip pouting out a little adorably.

“I will be back soon.” Minho hugged him one last time. Or until the next time.

Minho crouched in front of Seungmin next.

“My first baby.” Minho whispered, gently framing Seungmin’s face with his hands. His heart swelled with love until he felt it would burst.

“I’ll miss you lots, but I promise I’ll come back.” Minho rubbed his thumbs under Seungmin’s eyes. “If you miss me then you can call me, okay?”

Seungmin nodded.

“I love you puppy.” Minho pressed a kiss to each cheek and his forehead, lingering for a moment, savoring just a second longer.

Seungmin hugged him and then moved back to Ara as Felix stepped forward shyly.

“Hi sunshine.” Minho smiled at how shy he had become all of a sudden. “Come here.”

He drew Felix forward, holding his hands.

“When I next see you, I want to see how much you’ve grown.” Minho told him. “Do you think you can grow a whole inch?”

“Yes.” Felix nodded determinedly.

“I’ll be back soon.” Minho murmured, pressing a kiss to Felix’s fingers.

He hugged Ara, letting her hold him longer than usual. He hugged Chan too, squeezing him tightly.

“Call when you get in.” Ara told him.

“Also call when you get to school.” Chan nodded.

“I will.” Minho smiled and nodded.

Chan walked him to his gate, reluctant to let Minho go. Minho felt the same.

“You’ll be amazing.” Chan squeezed his arm. “I’m really proud of you Min.”

Minho faced him, right in front of the entry gate. Right in front of the first step on his own. Balancing on the first moment of his life it felt like.

“I’ll see you soon.” Chan smiled at him, encouraging him to take the first step.

“I…” Minho shifted his backpack.

“I love you.”

It was the first time he had said the words to Chan. They had sat on the tip of his tongue countless times but never left his lips.

“I love you too.” Chan said softly, stepping forward and hugging him. “I love you.”

Minho hugged him back tightly.

When he stepped away, waving to everyone he didn’t feel as afraid. He was still sad, a little nervous, but he had a deeper confidence thanks to the people who made his life beautiful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bye bye Minho! I hope it wasn't too sad! He is heading into his future bravely! Hope you all are doing well! Should I double update the last two chapters or do it over the next 5 days?


	9. Changbin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! This chapter may seem short but don't worry! I am double updating so pt. 2 will be up by the end of the day! I wanted to wrap up with Changbin and Chan's POV's! I can't believe I'm at the end of pt. 3 of this series already!! Hope you enjoy this chapter! the theme should be obvious hehe...

Changbin would say his household was diverse. Having adopted children meant there would be a melting pot of various backgrounds, experiences and personalities. Some households became polarized, each child drawing close to just one or two family members and never connecting with all of them. In Changbin’s case, his kids had bonded exceptionally well.

“You’re so annoying! Leave me alone!”

“Hyunjin!” Changbin groaned while getting a snack for Jeongin.

Maybe they didn’t get along well all the time, but most of the time they were fine.

“Can I have two?” Jeongin asked, tugging on his shirt.

“Sure.” Changbin grabbed another mandarin to peel.

Jeongin was down to three meals and only two snack times. Changbin had told Jeongin how proud of him he was over and over. Sometimes Jeongin would ask for food when it wasn’t snack time and Changbin would let it slide. It wasn’t a regular occurrence and he wasn’t in danger of over eating as much recently.

Changbin smiled down at him as he peeled his orange for him. He had let Jeongin try to do it once and it was a sticky, dripping mess. He would rather play it safe at the moment.

Jeongin was still small for his age but he had begun to grow well with the healthy diet they stuck to. Changbin loved to pat his tummy which was now soft and squishy. He adored Jeongin head to toe, as he did with all his boys.

“Please?” Jeongin asked, reaching up for an orange slice. Changbin was taking too long for his four-year-old attention span.

“Here you go.” Changbin handed him two slices and then put the rest in a small plastic bowl for him.

Changbin followed him into the living room where Hyunjin was trying to study on the couch. Changbin caught Jisung flicking an eraser at him.

“Hey.” Changbin warned.

“He’s bothering me.” Hyunjin pointed at Jisung without looking up.

“I’m bored!” Jisung whined, leaning his head back against the couch cushions.

“That’s not Hyunjin’s fault.” Changbin flicked his forehead lightly.

“Can I help you?” Jeongin tried to wiggle into Hyunjin’s lap.

“Not with this one little fox.” he laughed, gently lifting him off of his lap so he could read his textbook.

“I get to go to school with Jisung next year, right?” Jeongin migrated to Changbin, leaning on his knees to ask.

“Yep, you’ll be in kindergarten.” Changbin bopped his nose.

Jeongin seemed to think he would be in Jisung’s class with him and everything when he went to school but Changbin didn’t have the heart to correct him just yet.

“Ah! No!” Jeongin pulled his bowl of orange slices away from Jisung, glaring at him for stealing one.

“I need another one.” Jeongin pouted at Changbin and held up his bowl.

“Later baby.” Changbin deflected, pulling him onto his lap to hug him. “Why don’t you and Jisung play a game? He needs something to do.”

Changbin knew how much Jisung missed Minho. He was driving the rest of them a little crazy with how he much he needed attention.

Jeongin glared at Jisung and snuggled into Changbin, protecting his oranges with his hands. Changbin chuckled and wrapped his arms comfortably around him.

Everything felt right in their family.

Jeongin wandered in when Changbin was checking on Jisung’s injury from the car accident. The seatbelt sign had almost completely faded and luckily Jisung had no further complications.

“Daddy?” Jeongin hugged his leg.

“Mm hm.” Changbin hummed.

“Are you going to give me back soon?”

Changbin stopped what he was doing to look down at him.

“What?” he frowned.

“Are you going to give me back?” Jeongin asked again, blinking up at him innocently.

Changbin sensed it was a conversation he needed to address with full attention so he relocated them to Jeongin’s bedroom.

“What are you talking about Jeongin?” he asked once they were settled on his chair.

“Is it time for me to have a new daddy and mommy?” Jeongin asked, looking sorrowful.

“No sweetheart…” Changbin frowned slightly. “Why would you think that?”

“After a while I have to go somewhere new.” Jeongin explained. “Someone will come and pick me up.”

“Oh…” Changbin understand what he was trying to say.

He expected to have to move to a new home at some point. It was all he had known. He was probably measuring the time he had spent with them against the time with his last family. He expected to move to a new home soon. Many foster and adopted children were confused when they weren’t transitioned further from their forever home.

“I’ll explain it to you.” Changbin thought carefully about how to communicate it to Jeongin.

“Do you like being here?” Changbin asked first. Jeongin sat on his lap, facing him. Changbin laced his hands behind Jeongin’s back comfortably.

“Yes.” Jeongin nodded eagerly.

“Do you want to stay here?” Changbin asked further.

“Yes please.” Jeongin said it softly, his eyes hopeful as if he hoped Changbin would accept his request.

“When mommy and I saw your picture we decided we were going to do something special.” Changbin explained.

He gently pressed his fingertips to Jeongin’s heart.

“We decided we were going to make you part of our family.” Changbin told him. “We wanted you to have our love.”

Jeongin watched him silently, full attention on Changbin.

“When I first saw you, I loved you.” Changbin said softly. “Before you even said or did anything, I already loved you so much baby.”

Changbin smiled and brushed Jeongin’s hair from his face.

“I decided that you get my love forever and always. You don’t have to do anything. Just be a part of my family.” he continued.

“We adopted you. Which means you never have to go away.” Jeongin tilted his head slightly. “Because we are family now.”

Changbin skipped all of the legal descriptions. He skipped explaining the process. He wanted Jeongin to know that he loved him first and foremost and nothing could change that. He was committed to Jeongin with his whole heart.

“Jisung is my son because I love him and chose for him to be a part of my family. Hyunjin too.” Changbin grinned at him. “You get to be part of my family too. I love you so much I can’t give you to anyone else.”

He kept it terribly simple for Jeongin. For a young child it could be confusing to experience different families in early childhood. There were many sets of parents, brothers, sisters, grandparents. It began to blur together and the concept of a forever family became more and more hazy.

Changbin wanted Jeongin to know he wasn’t a shifting piece anymore. He was part of the permanent family structure. He knew it was a concept Jeongin would have to learn as he grew but he wanted him to be reassured in the moment.

“You get to stay here with me, and mommy, and Jisung, and Hyunjin.” Changbin promised him. “Does that make you happy?”

Jeongin nodded and then slumped forward, lying on Changbin’s chest. He wrapped his arms around him, letting out a contented breath. Changbin rubbed his back.

“I love you baby.” he kissed the top of Jeongin’s head.

“I love you too.” Jeongin replied, voice soft.

The next week was a whirlwind of returning to school. Hyunjin was learning to adjust with the help of Kkami and Jisung was learning to survive without seeing Minho just about every day. It was a little straining for all of them but mostly everything was good.

They were getting through it as a family. They could manage anything if they were together.

One evening, everyone was out of the house except for Jisung and Changbin. It was rare to have a quiet house. Changbin planned to stay in his study the whole night and work without distraction but he just couldn’t focus. He kept thinking about Jisung upstairs.

An hour later he knocked on Jisung’s door lightly before swinging the door open.

“Hi.” Jisung said from where he was laying on his bed, looking at his phone.

“What are you up to?” Changbin sat on the side of his bed.

“Nothing.” Jisung sighed, letting his phone slip out of his hand. “Minho is too busy to talk… again.”

Changbin smiled at his adorably disappointed face. Minho had called him for two hours the night before and he still wanted more. He had to appreciate Minho setting time aside for Jisung even with his busy schedule.

“Good.” Changbin smiled. “I wanted to hang out with you tonight.”

“Me?” Jisung perked up, making Changbin laugh.

“Yeah! I haven’t done something just you and me in a while!” Changbin nodded. “Do you want to maybe watch a movie?”

“Can we order in?” Jisung sat up excitedly.

“Yeah, that’s fine.” Changbin nodded. “We have around three hours before everyone gets home.”

“Awesome.” Jisung hopped off of his bed and headed downstairs to find the order in menus they had.

Only half an hour later they were snuggled up on the couch with full tummies, watching a movie. Jisung had his head on Changbin’s lap so he could run his fingers through his hair. Changbin realized it had been a while since Jisung had sought out snuggles, from him at least. He was soaking up the moment.

“Dad?” Jisung asked.

“Mm.” Changbin hummed.

“Thank you for adopting me.”

Changbin looked down at him. Of course he knew Jisung was thankful but the sudden verbally expressed sentiment surprised him.

“You don’t have to thank me.” Changbin replied. “It was the best gift ever.”

“I would miss you if you didn’t adopt me.” Jisung traced circles on Changbin’s knee.

Changbin nodded slowly. Jisung was surely feeling a bit emotional with Minho being gone.

“I would miss you too.” Changbin gently stroked his fingers through his soft hair. “I would miss you too much.”

“Will you be sad when I go away? To college I mean.” Jisung asked.

“Of course I will be.” Changbin chuckled. “But it’s part of you growing up so I will be happy too.”

“I don’t want you to be sad.” Jisung whispered.

Changbin’s heart melted at how sensitive and caring Jisung was.

“I’ll try not to be too sad for you.” Changbin promised. “I think Jeongin will miss you most. He thinks you’ll carry him in your suitcase.”

“I wish I could.” Jisung smiled. “My little baby.”

Changbin gazed down at Jisung tenderly.

“Love you dad.” Jisung said, eyes on the TV.

Changbin leaned down, the angle awkward but pressed a kiss to Jisung’s forehead, making him scrunch his nose up.

“I love you too.” Changbin whispered.

If Changbin was honest, he thought Hyunjin would miss Jisung the most. They had essentially become attached at the hip and couldn’t be separated no matter what.

Hyunjin would be going to college first, but with the way Jisung was excelling in his studies, they would probably go the same time.

Changbin loved hearing Hyunjin’s laugh. He hadn’t heard it much in the beginning but slowly became used to it over time. He was going through paperwork at the table while Hyunjin and Jisung played around outside. Hyunjin’s laughter floated in through the window.

He came in a bit later, washing his hands at the sink with Kkami trailing behind him.

“Hi lovely.” Changbin pet her head gently when she wandered over to him.

Hyunjin suddenly wrapped around his arms around Changbin from behind, hugging him warmly for a moment.

“I love you.” he said simply, drawing away a moment later.

“Oh? What prompted that?” Changbin asked.

“I just wanted to say it.” Hyunjin shrugged.

“I love you too.” Changbin grinned at him.

“Um… I actually have a question to ask.” Hyunjin slipped into the seat next to him.

“Shoot.” Changbin nodded.

“I was wondering if I could start looking for a job.” he looked at Changbin for his reaction.

“I think that’s great.” Changbin had expected him to ask at some point with how he had asked earlier. “Go for it.”

“I’m just nervous I guess.” Hyunjin laughed awkwardly.

“It’s normal to be nervous.” Changbin affirmed him. “It’s exciting but a little scary at the same time, huh?”

“Yeah a little.” Hyunjin smiled.

He pet Kkami’s head resting on his thigh.

“Seizure?” Changbin asked, noticing her behavior.

“Nope. She just wants treats.” Hyunjin laughed and tapped her nose.

Changbin grinned, resting his chin in his hand and watching Hyunjin baby talk to Kkami. He was really lucky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soft and cute enough for a second to last chapter? I enjoyed writing this one so much!! Should I continue this series or end it here? I haven't written anything ahead for this one since I've been working on other projects! This might be a good ending place if I don't extend it!


	10. Chan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter!! I hope the double update was fun! If you want to get to the story you can stop reading here, but I will discuss my plans for the next part for a brief second here!
> 
> I was thinking about taking a short break from this series or wrapping it up. I keep thinking I want to wrap it up here, because I don't want it to feel too long or tedious, but also there are a lot of things I want to elaborate and finish on so I'm torn! So here is my tentative idea! If I continue this series I will post chapter 1 on Chuseok, which gives me some time to rewrite. If not then I will add a -Fin note on the end of this one to indicate it is over!
> 
> In the meantime I am finishing my other work Precious if anyone is interested in that! Also I plan to expand my writing a bit, moving from family fluff and maybe trying some harder genres. >u< Hopefully that would be something people would like to read. If you miss this series you can always request on my Coming Home requests story!
> 
> Lastly! If you want to see more from me in the future, there is a subscribe button to get notifications from me! I just found out about it so I'm not sure how it works exactly, but I believe it will alert you when I post something new!
> 
> Happy reading! -Soojin

The most chaotic times of the week were “phone time” which had quickly just become “Minho time” as dubbed by Seungmin. Twice a week Minho would call to talk to Seungmin and Felix. It was Chan’s jobs to monitor the call in a sense.

Especially after Seungmin had run around the house trying to keep the phone away from Felix. They had more fun playing keep away than actually talking to Minho.

“I think Felix has something to say- oof!” Chan almost dropped the phone when Seungmin planted his knee in his stomach in an attempt to get closer to the phone. It was a bit hard for him to distinguish what Minho was saying with the bad audio quality from Chan’s speaker.

One time the phone had feedback issues and Seungmin had cried at the harsh tone transmitted through his implants. Now Chan and Minho had figured out how to get the best connection even with such long distance.

“I have an art class at school!” Seungmin blurted out, interrupting Felix halfway through.

Chan gently reminded him to take turns.

“I made a bracelet for you when you come back.” Felix said shyly and then sunk back into the couch with a sheepish smile.

“I’m so excited to wear it!” Minho replied. “Can you send me a picture?”

“I can!” Seungmin tried to take the phone from Chan’s hand to take a photo right then.

Chan survived the next half hour of moderating their call, having to constantly remind Seungmin not to talk over Felix. He didn’t seem to mind much though, still shy about talking on the phone for some reason.

“They were a bit rowdy today.” Chan told Minho as he took the call off of speaker and headed to another room.

“It’s cute.” Minho laughed. “I love hearing their voices.”

“How are you doing?” Chan asked. “Need Mom or I to send you anything?”

“I think I’m good…” Minho replied. “Thanks though. Just studying hard.”

“Proud of you.” Chan reminded him.

“Well, I should go. I’m supposed to call Jisung right after this and you know how he gets if I don’t call.” Minho said.

“Have a good night.” Chan smiled. “I’ll talk to you later.”

Chan took a minute after he ended the call to gather his thoughts and recharge himself before putting the two energetic boys in the living room to bed.

“I’ll read you a story and then it’s lights out.” Chan tapped Seungmin’s nose. “Or do you want to read for me tonight?”

“You read.” Seungmin decided, hopping in bed and scooting over to make room for Chan. Chan really loved reading to Seungmin. As he got older all that changed was the book turned into chapter books. Seungmin still lay his head on Chan’s shoulder and held his puppy plushie. He still let Chan kiss him goodnight and still wanted the nightlight on.

He was growing up, but Chan was glad it was a slow process. Seungmin was still his baby. Every night he got a little bit of time just them together. Felix was there too but he lay in his own bed, listening while hugging his own kitten plushie.

That night, something changed. Chan started reading as normal, his back against the pillows and Seungmin leaning against his side. After a few minutes, Felix slid off of his bed and cautiously walked to the end of Seungmin’s bed. Seungmin raised his head to look at him as he climbed on his bed but Chan kept reading, not wanting to make Felix stop.

Felix sat cross-legged at his feet, holding his plushie and watching them read. Chan smiled slightly, glad Felix was joining in. After another minute, Felix crawled closer. Chan glanced at him and Felix immediately stopped. Chan smiled to encourage him and then kept reading.

Chan had to force himself to keep his voice even and his body relaxed as Felix closed the distance between them, hesitantly sitting beside Chan and then mirroring Seungmin. Bit by bit he eased down to lean against Chan, his head leaning against Chan’s arm.

It was the most rewarding feeling to have Felix’s small warm body snuggle up to him in a huge display of trust. Felix was cuddled against him as if he belonged there all along. He did belong there.

Chan read an extra chapter that night, wanting to prolong the time. When they were done reading, Felix let him carry him to his bed and tuck him in. Chan’s heart was so warm and full of love, he had to take a few seconds once he closed the door behind him just to breathe.

It wasn’t the first of many times Felix began to really open up. Another time happened just days later after dinner. Chan was in the kitchen putting away leftovers when Felix came to join him.

He tapped on Chan’s thigh to get his attention.

“Can we do the rocks?” he asked, brown eyes innocent and for the first time… hopeful. Chan was overjoyed to see the positive emotion present.

“Of course.” Chan immediately dropped what he was doing and headed to the rocking chair. Felix trailed behind him.

Chan sat down and waited, almost not believing Felix would climb into his lap, but he did. He lay against Chan, his head tucked under Chan’s chin. It felt amazing. It was another incredible display of trust.

Chan rocked them slowly. He kept his arms at his sides for a bit and then cautiously wrapped them around Felix. He smiled when Felix made no motion to get away. In fact, he just snuggled closer.

It made Chan happy deep down in his soul.

Seungmin was a little more emotional recently because he missed Minho. Felix seemed to recognize and tried to cheer him up. He had latched onto Seungmin especially without Seungmin even having to do anything.

Chan watched them play outside from where he was sitting at the patio table. It was nice to just relax for a minute.

Felix was happily singing a song while him and Seungmin tried to construct something like a tiny fort with sticks, leaves and rocks. He tilted his head back and forth along with the words. Chan decided he was hopelessly adorable.

Seungmin was a little more subdued, working on his own. He had been a little moody during the day.

“Can I have this?” Felix pointed at one of his rocks. Chan was proud of him for asking instead of just taking.

Seungmin nodded but Felix kept watching him. He suddenly reached forward and placed his hands on Seungmin’s cheeks, lifting his head.

“Are you still sad?” he asked with concern. “I’ll make you happy.”

“I’m okay.” Seungmin looked as surprised as Chan felt.

“I will help you.” Felix decided with a nod. “Then you will be happy.”

Chan was glad that Felix sought for the positive emotion in Seungmin and even himself. They were making big steps.

A school field trip cheered Seungmin up a little. He came home brandishing an info flyer for Chan.

“Look! I get to go to the aquarium!” he said, dropping his backpack in the middle of the living room and handing the flyer to Chan.

“What’s this now…” Chan looked at the flyer. Felix shyly scooted closer to him to see as well.

“Wow, this is so fun Minnie!” Chan smiled. “You’ll get to see lots of fish and even sharks.”

“Really?” Felix gasped, peering at the words on the flyer.

“There are seals there too, right?” Seungmin beamed.

“Yeah, it’s the nearby aquarium. We went that one time remember?” Chan nodded.

“Yay!” Felix clapped his hands and bounced slightly in front of Seungmin. “I want to see the seals!”

Yikes. It looked like Felix thought the field trip was for him too.

“Oh Felix baby.” Chan reached for him. “This is a field trip for Seungmin. For his class.”

Felix looked confused.

“We aren’t all going to the aquarium.” Chan explained. “Just Minnie.”

“Oh…” Felix slumped against the couch, his excitement fading.

Chan was prepared for him to throw a tantrum but surprisingly he didn’t. Chan was distracted by Seungmin again and he didn’t address the issue further.

Later that night Felix visited him in his room.

He came in, rubbing his eyes and sniffling, obviously distressed. Chan sat on his bed, letting Felix come to him if that’s what he wanted. To his joy, Felix headed straight forward to stand between his knees and lay his head against Chan’s stomach, his arms wrapping around his waist.

Chan gently rubbed his back, holding in a smile at the display of physical affection.

“Hi sunshine. What’s wrong?” he asked.

Felix nuzzled his face against Chan’s abdomen, squeezing him a little tighter.

“Why are you sad?” Chan asked. Chan didn’t want to point out him being sad but he wanted Felix to identify his own emotion.

“I’m… disappointed.” Felix mumbled against him.

“How come?” Chan pet his hair gently.

“I don’t get to go with Seungmin.” Felix sniffled.

Chan was thoroughly stunned. He thought Felix would have dropped the subject. Gently, he tested out the limits, slipping his hands under Felix’s armpits and lifting him against his chest. Felix seemed to be enjoying the physical comfort. He let Chan hug him, his chin resting on his shoulder.

“Why do you want to go?” Chan asked.

“Wanna see the fishies.” Felix answered, rubbing his nose with his hand.

“Ah, I see…” Chan smiled. “Can I take you to the aquarium next week? Just you and me?”

“Mm…” Chan expected Felix to say no. “Can mommy come too? And Minnie?”

“Of course they can come.” Chan swore his heart swelled with love and happiness until it could burst.

“For real?” Felix drew back to study Chan’s face.

“Yes!” Chan laughed. “We’ll pick a day to go!”

“Can you bring Minho back?” Felix asked.

“Minho?” Chan tilted his head in a question.

“I want him to come with us too.” Felix explained.

“Aw, do you miss him?” Chan smiled.

“A little bit.” Felix looked down shyly, tracing his finger over the logo on Chan’s shirt. “And Minnie wants him to come back.”

“I do too bud.” Chan admitted. “But he’ll come back soon! He’s coming for the holidays!”

“Okay.” Felix nodded.

Chan felt brave in the moment so he leaned forward a fraction and kissed Felix’s forehead softly. Felix just blinked back at him blankly. Chan wasn’t fazed by his lack of response. As long as it wasn’t a negative response it was okay.

He let Felix get down from his lap before he got antsy. Felix ran out of the room and then ran back.

He kissed his hand and held it out to Chan. Chan pretended to pick up his kiss and press it to his heart.

“Thank you, sunshine.” Chan smiled at him.

Felix smiled back and ran off. Chan felt at peace yet again.

They went to the aquarium the next weekend.

When they got to the Aquarium, Chan couldn’t help snapping photos of Felix. He looked so adorable in his small overalls with his bucket hat. He was engaged immediately, crouching down to touch the concrete in front of the building which had different sea creatures engraved into it.

“Look Felix! A dolphin!” Ara pointed to a section nearby.

Felix ran over and then clapped his hand excitedly.

“Daddy, can I see the dolphin?” he asked, looking at Chan expectantly.

“Yeah! Let’s go inside.” Chan assured him. He was happy to see Felix so happy. Felix had improved massively. Though he was still less expressive than most children, he now showed if he was happy or sad or angry. Chan saw his smile more and more.

“Hold this.” Felix held his hat up to Chan once they were inside.

“What do you say?” Chan reminded him.

“Please!” Felix smiled as well and Chan took his hat from his hands. He ran off to look at one of the displays with Seungmin.

“He’s absolutely thriving.” Ara said, looping her arm around Chan’s waist as they followed.

To outsiders, he may seem like an ordinary kid, if not slightly unordinary. But to Ara and Chan he was a little miracle. The counselors they had worked with had enthusiastically told them they held great hope for Felix, though it seemed that hope was dimmed many days.

He had been lucky they were able to reverse the damage caused early on in his childhood. He never reached a severe state so in a way, they were able to help him wipe his slate clean.

Felix would always be Chan’s sunshine. He was his sunshine because he got a little brighter every day. Chan was excited to walk with him in his journey, each day a little brighter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who was read this far! If you have read as far back as Home, the very beginning, you are really a trooper! I recognize your usernames and am so happy to see your comments! Thank you for supporting me in this journey!
> 
> You don't have to do this if you don't want to but I would be forever grateful if you dropped a comment on who your favorite character is, and maybe why! I am always curious who you relate to or enjoy reading about most!
> 
> Until next time! -Soojin <3


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